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Substance Abuse
My son is homeless and on heroin
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 651770" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi Kim, first welcome and I'm sorry you are here but I am glad you have found this amazing source of support.</p><p></p><p>If your real name is what you are using, you may want to create an avatar so your privacy is protected. Also, please consider creating a signature so we will have some more context about you and your life.</p><p></p><p>There are so many people on this board who have walked the path you are walking. So many parents trying to deal with their grown son or daughter's drug addiction and the horror that addiction brings with it.</p><p></p><p>Kim, you may already know a lot about addiction. One pivotal fact for me was understanding that the addiction resides in the same place in the brain where breathing is. It's like breathing. You have to have the drug, and you will do anything to get it, unless you are in full recovery---and even recovery is characterized with relapse.</p><p></p><p>So, knowing that, you understand how hard it will be for him to stop. He will have to want to stop using drugs more than he has ever wanted anything in his life. He will have to want it with every fiber of his being.</p><p></p><p>And it will still be very very hard to stop and it will take a lot of time, support and tools.</p><p></p><p>So, what is your role? Your role is to get out of the way. Your role is to allow him to feel that kind of motivation to stop that is fundamental, that is his number one goal. Most of our adult child addicts have to be completely without resources, without anything, to want to stop that badly.</p><p></p><p>My son has been homeless multiple times. He has been in jail multiple times. He has been without anything but a backpack. No car, no job, no money, no place to go, nothing. That is what it took, and even then he didn't stop. What seems to have stopped him---at least for today---for right now---is fearing that he was going to go to prison for four years. That seems to have been a major wake up call, and since last June he has been doing better. You can read my signature. </p><p></p><p>Kim, in order to give them space, time, distance, a chance to change, we have to get out of the way. We have to stop being the safety net with all of our "help." We have to let them experience the consequences of their own choices, as hard as it is to watch.</p><p></p><p>I have turned my son away from the front door multiple times, once when he was sobbing and crying and begging to be let in after he left the hospital AMA after being stabbed. I talked to him through the door and said if you don't leave this porch I will call the police.</p><p></p><p>Lest you think I am different from you, let me assure you that I love my son dearly. He is the youngest of my two boys and there is nothing I didn't do to help him, before I learned that my help was only prolonging the day of reckoning for him.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard this is. Start working on yourself. Start today. Look up Al-Anon in your town. Get the schedule. Start going to meetings. Keep on going, no matter what. Get the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. Read it. Get the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Read it, and underline it. Post and read this board until your eyes blur. You will hear lots of "recovery from enabling" from many, many posters here. </p><p></p><p>We are here for you. We get it and we care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 651770, member: 17542"] Hi Kim, first welcome and I'm sorry you are here but I am glad you have found this amazing source of support. If your real name is what you are using, you may want to create an avatar so your privacy is protected. Also, please consider creating a signature so we will have some more context about you and your life. There are so many people on this board who have walked the path you are walking. So many parents trying to deal with their grown son or daughter's drug addiction and the horror that addiction brings with it. Kim, you may already know a lot about addiction. One pivotal fact for me was understanding that the addiction resides in the same place in the brain where breathing is. It's like breathing. You have to have the drug, and you will do anything to get it, unless you are in full recovery---and even recovery is characterized with relapse. So, knowing that, you understand how hard it will be for him to stop. He will have to want to stop using drugs more than he has ever wanted anything in his life. He will have to want it with every fiber of his being. And it will still be very very hard to stop and it will take a lot of time, support and tools. So, what is your role? Your role is to get out of the way. Your role is to allow him to feel that kind of motivation to stop that is fundamental, that is his number one goal. Most of our adult child addicts have to be completely without resources, without anything, to want to stop that badly. My son has been homeless multiple times. He has been in jail multiple times. He has been without anything but a backpack. No car, no job, no money, no place to go, nothing. That is what it took, and even then he didn't stop. What seems to have stopped him---at least for today---for right now---is fearing that he was going to go to prison for four years. That seems to have been a major wake up call, and since last June he has been doing better. You can read my signature. Kim, in order to give them space, time, distance, a chance to change, we have to get out of the way. We have to stop being the safety net with all of our "help." We have to let them experience the consequences of their own choices, as hard as it is to watch. I have turned my son away from the front door multiple times, once when he was sobbing and crying and begging to be let in after he left the hospital AMA after being stabbed. I talked to him through the door and said if you don't leave this porch I will call the police. Lest you think I am different from you, let me assure you that I love my son dearly. He is the youngest of my two boys and there is nothing I didn't do to help him, before I learned that my help was only prolonging the day of reckoning for him. I know how hard this is. Start working on yourself. Start today. Look up Al-Anon in your town. Get the schedule. Start going to meetings. Keep on going, no matter what. Get the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. Read it. Get the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Read it, and underline it. Post and read this board until your eyes blur. You will hear lots of "recovery from enabling" from many, many posters here. We are here for you. We get it and we care. [/QUOTE]
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My son is homeless and on heroin
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