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My son is in a crisis unit. Voluntarily, I think.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 694716" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Copa, this isn't about your fault or your son's fault. It's about people doing the best they can in a very tough situation.</p><p></p><p>I believe you have helped your son as much as anybody possibly could. Ideas from the other two posters here so far have validity, I believe. </p><p></p><p>You're doing the best you can. He's doing the best you can. He is better. You are better. This isn't about quitting your job or him going back to old behaviors. </p><p></p><p>Both of you have made progress and aren't perfect of course. You are both still struggling. That is okay.</p><p></p><p>The question is: where from here? </p><p></p><p>What is best for him? What is best for you?</p><p></p><p>In my opinion, it VERY RARELY and ALMOST NEVER works for our DCs to live with us. If it works for a little while, with the types of boundaries you have constructed, it won't be long. </p><p></p><p>I would work to help you son into a new living situation within the next days/weeks/month or two. Whatever that is. A situation that can help him achieve a little more independence and help at the same time.</p><p></p><p>You need to keep rebuilding your own life. Quitting your job because of him makes no sense. </p><p></p><p>I so get the overtalking, what you did last night. I did it again and again. No matter how many times I decided I wasn't going to do it, I still did it. I literally could not shut my mouth when it came to just telling him...one more time...in a different combination of words...that surely would get through to him this time...whatever...</p><p></p><p>It's okay. You are human. This isn't about being perfect or acting perfect in a very stressful and scary situation. We are going to regress in those situations. Them. And us. </p><p></p><p>The question is what's next? Go slow. Slow way down. Get good solid advice. Write down your ideas and thoughts and feelings. Don't be rushed into a quick decision. Don't be hemmed in by guilt or fear here. Take some time. In the meantime, perhaps he can continue as he was. </p><p></p><p>It's just not good long term for us and them to live together, even our healthy young adult children. I firmly believe that is a basic truth. They need to launch and have to deal with launching. For kids like your son, who have some more serious problems, I understand he needs help and support and some type of helpful environment. Look for that. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. Let go of your guilt here. You did the best you could do. That is what most of us do every single time in a very very very tough situation with our adult kids. It is the hardest thing in the world.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 694716, member: 17542"] Copa, this isn't about your fault or your son's fault. It's about people doing the best they can in a very tough situation. I believe you have helped your son as much as anybody possibly could. Ideas from the other two posters here so far have validity, I believe. You're doing the best you can. He's doing the best you can. He is better. You are better. This isn't about quitting your job or him going back to old behaviors. Both of you have made progress and aren't perfect of course. You are both still struggling. That is okay. The question is: where from here? What is best for him? What is best for you? In my opinion, it VERY RARELY and ALMOST NEVER works for our DCs to live with us. If it works for a little while, with the types of boundaries you have constructed, it won't be long. I would work to help you son into a new living situation within the next days/weeks/month or two. Whatever that is. A situation that can help him achieve a little more independence and help at the same time. You need to keep rebuilding your own life. Quitting your job because of him makes no sense. I so get the overtalking, what you did last night. I did it again and again. No matter how many times I decided I wasn't going to do it, I still did it. I literally could not shut my mouth when it came to just telling him...one more time...in a different combination of words...that surely would get through to him this time...whatever... It's okay. You are human. This isn't about being perfect or acting perfect in a very stressful and scary situation. We are going to regress in those situations. Them. And us. The question is what's next? Go slow. Slow way down. Get good solid advice. Write down your ideas and thoughts and feelings. Don't be rushed into a quick decision. Don't be hemmed in by guilt or fear here. Take some time. In the meantime, perhaps he can continue as he was. It's just not good long term for us and them to live together, even our healthy young adult children. I firmly believe that is a basic truth. They need to launch and have to deal with launching. For kids like your son, who have some more serious problems, I understand he needs help and support and some type of helpful environment. Look for that. Hang in there. Let go of your guilt here. You did the best you could do. That is what most of us do every single time in a very very very tough situation with our adult kids. It is the hardest thing in the world. [/QUOTE]
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My son is in a crisis unit. Voluntarily, I think.
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