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My son is in a crisis unit. Voluntarily, I think.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 694748" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This is the first time I question M's good sense. You don't quit jobs to make a 27 year old your whole life. You deserve and need a life and he is beyond needing a full time mommy guiding him. There is no way you can change him. Yes, he is nicer now, but would he still be nicer if you didnt offer him a roof and other comforts? They can all be charming when they feel it is in their best interests, but if its not from the heart and gut, regardless of what you offer for comfort, it is fake. If I had money, Gone boy would never have left. He only sees ex because he stands to benefit. The reality is many of our more superficial kids tolerate us for what we can give them. zonly you know where your son stands here. I would never insist he is one of those adult children. Only you know if hed stand by you and love you if you had nothing to offer him.</p><p></p><p>It is not insignificant that he is nicer now. it heals your heart. You matter. How you feel matters a great deal. How you feel is more important than what M thinks you should do or if your son ever gets it together. You cant take on their feelings or lives, only your own.</p><p></p><p>To me, the idea of quitting a job to full time caretake a man your son's age is mindboggling. M is so wrong about this. What is he thinking?</p><p></p><p>I agree that the sooner your son lives elsewhere the better it will be for both of you. Eventually he will get fed up with the rules or smoke pot (I think he actually still does and that is one reason he likes to take breaks) and you will come to verbal blows and he will leave on bad terms. You would hate that. </p><p></p><p>You cant guide his destiny, not at his age. No way.</p><p></p><p>Go to work. Stop trying to fix your son. Dont talk to him so much. He knows the right things to do. It us up to him whether to do them or not. I have a feeling you talk, talk, talk to him trying to get things to stick. My own mom did this. In my head I called thrm "lectures" and tuned her voice out. I was very resentful of her voice as at least in her case all she talked about meant to me that I was a loser. You know how badly our relationship turned out.</p><p></p><p>I dont want that to happen to you and your son. He could take your words to mean he is a loser, as I did. It is so hard to live with a grown child. It isn't normal. As my darling, sweet Princess has said to me. "Mom, I love you to death but we could never live together again."</p><p></p><p>I agree. it would be unhealthy for me and them to ever live with my adult kids again. It is too easy to fall back into parent and YOUNG child roles and that stresses everyone.</p><p></p><p>Please do not take this as criticism. None intended. These are just my thoughts...my own way of thinking. I am irritated with M however.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 694748, member: 1550"] This is the first time I question M's good sense. You don't quit jobs to make a 27 year old your whole life. You deserve and need a life and he is beyond needing a full time mommy guiding him. There is no way you can change him. Yes, he is nicer now, but would he still be nicer if you didnt offer him a roof and other comforts? They can all be charming when they feel it is in their best interests, but if its not from the heart and gut, regardless of what you offer for comfort, it is fake. If I had money, Gone boy would never have left. He only sees ex because he stands to benefit. The reality is many of our more superficial kids tolerate us for what we can give them. zonly you know where your son stands here. I would never insist he is one of those adult children. Only you know if hed stand by you and love you if you had nothing to offer him. It is not insignificant that he is nicer now. it heals your heart. You matter. How you feel matters a great deal. How you feel is more important than what M thinks you should do or if your son ever gets it together. You cant take on their feelings or lives, only your own. To me, the idea of quitting a job to full time caretake a man your son's age is mindboggling. M is so wrong about this. What is he thinking? I agree that the sooner your son lives elsewhere the better it will be for both of you. Eventually he will get fed up with the rules or smoke pot (I think he actually still does and that is one reason he likes to take breaks) and you will come to verbal blows and he will leave on bad terms. You would hate that. You cant guide his destiny, not at his age. No way. Go to work. Stop trying to fix your son. Dont talk to him so much. He knows the right things to do. It us up to him whether to do them or not. I have a feeling you talk, talk, talk to him trying to get things to stick. My own mom did this. In my head I called thrm "lectures" and tuned her voice out. I was very resentful of her voice as at least in her case all she talked about meant to me that I was a loser. You know how badly our relationship turned out. I dont want that to happen to you and your son. He could take your words to mean he is a loser, as I did. It is so hard to live with a grown child. It isn't normal. As my darling, sweet Princess has said to me. "Mom, I love you to death but we could never live together again." I agree. it would be unhealthy for me and them to ever live with my adult kids again. It is too easy to fall back into parent and YOUNG child roles and that stresses everyone. Please do not take this as criticism. None intended. These are just my thoughts...my own way of thinking. I am irritated with M however. [/QUOTE]
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My son is in a crisis unit. Voluntarily, I think.
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