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My son is in a crisis unit. Voluntarily, I think.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 694893" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh Copa, I so understand your feelings here. It is SO FRUSTRATING when there are options and there is no sense to them not taking them. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It's not personal though, and you know that in your mind. It's your heart that doesn't know it. This is where feelings aren't facts come in. A basic truth in Al-Anon that I 100% rejected out of hand for years. I thought it was trite, oversimplified, and I didn't understand it AT ALL.</p><p></p><p>Now it is one of my basic life truths. We feel one way so strongly, so it must be real and true. Actually, our feelings are real, but they may not be true. Like you said, standing there, hearing that, your feelings went wild. Of course they did. This is where we have to learn to separate our feelings from our actions and our thinking. This takes a long long time and a lot of work for us "feelings" people. I know because I was 100% a feelings person all my life. That's how I was made. Over time, I learned how to do this, with a whole lot of missteps (still today) and a whole lot of work on me. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. He is still making progress. Don't get hung up on something he didn't do because that takes way too much energy. He has done some things. Focus on those. He is making progress. Focus on that. It's about progress not perfection.</p><p></p><p>Last night Difficult Child came over for about 20 minutes. He looked awful. Exhausted. He worked 58 hours this week he said. He had dark circles under his eyes. He is thin. Of course, MommyMe, the first thing I start assessing is: Is he using again? I go right to the worst case scenario. My mind is just clicking as we are sitting there on the deck, and I'm forcing myself to speak slowly and calmly and not ask question after question after question. I can go right back to my old behavior like that in my mind. </p><p></p><p>He probably is just really tired. He doesn't take very good care of himself. He basically works and sleeps. He doesn't eat enough and he doesn't drink enough water. He works outside and it is super hot. He gets no real exercise etc. </p><p></p><p>But it is is his life, and I can't fix all of that. He told me he takes those caffeine pills (warning!! Warning!!) to help get up in the morning. i know he drinks a lot of those energy drinks. I don't think that is good for people but I just didn't say anything.</p><p></p><p>Progress not perfection. It's hard to live it, but we have to accept it. It's just not gonna be all rosy and perfect, Ever. Ever. That's hard to accept, but we must. You and me. </p><p></p><p>Ugh. Anyway, let's hang in there, and stay the course. The more we can keep quiet and just show support the better off we will be and the better off they will be. </p><p></p><p>Hugs today. We mommas have a tough, tough job.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 694893, member: 17542"] Oh Copa, I so understand your feelings here. It is SO FRUSTRATING when there are options and there is no sense to them not taking them. It's not personal though, and you know that in your mind. It's your heart that doesn't know it. This is where feelings aren't facts come in. A basic truth in Al-Anon that I 100% rejected out of hand for years. I thought it was trite, oversimplified, and I didn't understand it AT ALL. Now it is one of my basic life truths. We feel one way so strongly, so it must be real and true. Actually, our feelings are real, but they may not be true. Like you said, standing there, hearing that, your feelings went wild. Of course they did. This is where we have to learn to separate our feelings from our actions and our thinking. This takes a long long time and a lot of work for us "feelings" people. I know because I was 100% a feelings person all my life. That's how I was made. Over time, I learned how to do this, with a whole lot of missteps (still today) and a whole lot of work on me. Hang in there. He is still making progress. Don't get hung up on something he didn't do because that takes way too much energy. He has done some things. Focus on those. He is making progress. Focus on that. It's about progress not perfection. Last night Difficult Child came over for about 20 minutes. He looked awful. Exhausted. He worked 58 hours this week he said. He had dark circles under his eyes. He is thin. Of course, MommyMe, the first thing I start assessing is: Is he using again? I go right to the worst case scenario. My mind is just clicking as we are sitting there on the deck, and I'm forcing myself to speak slowly and calmly and not ask question after question after question. I can go right back to my old behavior like that in my mind. He probably is just really tired. He doesn't take very good care of himself. He basically works and sleeps. He doesn't eat enough and he doesn't drink enough water. He works outside and it is super hot. He gets no real exercise etc. But it is is his life, and I can't fix all of that. He told me he takes those caffeine pills (warning!! Warning!!) to help get up in the morning. i know he drinks a lot of those energy drinks. I don't think that is good for people but I just didn't say anything. Progress not perfection. It's hard to live it, but we have to accept it. It's just not gonna be all rosy and perfect, Ever. Ever. That's hard to accept, but we must. You and me. Ugh. Anyway, let's hang in there, and stay the course. The more we can keep quiet and just show support the better off we will be and the better off they will be. Hugs today. We mommas have a tough, tough job. [/QUOTE]
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My son is in a crisis unit. Voluntarily, I think.
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