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My son is in jail. Again. To visit or not to visit, that is the question...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 624966" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Hi Carri, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position with your son. </p><p></p><p>There is an article at the bottom of my post here on detachment, you may find it helpful.</p><p></p><p>My daughter has been in jail for almost 2 months, an hour away. I opted out of visiting her. I had the last time, but this time I decided to go with what I really wanted and I didn't want to go through what the jail makes you go through to visit, it is hours and hours of hanging around while being treated badly by the officials. There is no order, no one to help you, you aren't given any maps or directions to where you are to go, and you're treated like a criminal. It is a bad experience for the friends and family. She will be out next week, it was not a long sentence. In addition to all of that, although I talk to my daughter often, I did not want to visit her. I felt differently this time and I went with my feelings.</p><p></p><p>But that is my choice, you have to weigh it all yourself. I read a little about your story and 10 years of drug addiction and the ride our kids put us through with that is exhausting, depleting and devastating for the parents. As I've gone through this with my daughter, I have had to learn to put myself as a priority, to take care of my needs first and learn what self care really means. To that end, if you haven't already, you may want to get involved with Narc Anon, Family Anonymous, private therapy for you, a support group for you or any other support systems you can get yourself involved with. Once we are well supported and begin to feel better about ourselves, we can make these kind of choices from a healthier perspective. </p><p></p><p>Ask yourself what it is you REALLY want to do. Not out of obligation, not out of guilt, not because you think you SHOULD visit him, but what is it truly that YOU want to do? You've been at this for quite a long time, with a son who is not a kid anymore, and who has had many, many opportunities to change.........and he hasn't. Going to jail for a while may be what needs to happen for him to get some help, or at least not be in a position to get the drugs.</p><p></p><p>While you are busy taking care of YOU, you may find that a natural schedule begins to emerge, like you feel okay about visiting him once a month, or once every three months or once a week or not at all. There is no right or wrong here, only what it is you're willing to do. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. While he is incarcerated, make the time about YOU, what you need, what you want. Reclaim your joy. Find your inner peace. Get your life back on track. Wishing you serenity..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 624966, member: 13542"] Hi Carri, I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position with your son. There is an article at the bottom of my post here on detachment, you may find it helpful. My daughter has been in jail for almost 2 months, an hour away. I opted out of visiting her. I had the last time, but this time I decided to go with what I really wanted and I didn't want to go through what the jail makes you go through to visit, it is hours and hours of hanging around while being treated badly by the officials. There is no order, no one to help you, you aren't given any maps or directions to where you are to go, and you're treated like a criminal. It is a bad experience for the friends and family. She will be out next week, it was not a long sentence. In addition to all of that, although I talk to my daughter often, I did not want to visit her. I felt differently this time and I went with my feelings. But that is my choice, you have to weigh it all yourself. I read a little about your story and 10 years of drug addiction and the ride our kids put us through with that is exhausting, depleting and devastating for the parents. As I've gone through this with my daughter, I have had to learn to put myself as a priority, to take care of my needs first and learn what self care really means. To that end, if you haven't already, you may want to get involved with Narc Anon, Family Anonymous, private therapy for you, a support group for you or any other support systems you can get yourself involved with. Once we are well supported and begin to feel better about ourselves, we can make these kind of choices from a healthier perspective. Ask yourself what it is you REALLY want to do. Not out of obligation, not out of guilt, not because you think you SHOULD visit him, but what is it truly that YOU want to do? You've been at this for quite a long time, with a son who is not a kid anymore, and who has had many, many opportunities to change.........and he hasn't. Going to jail for a while may be what needs to happen for him to get some help, or at least not be in a position to get the drugs. While you are busy taking care of YOU, you may find that a natural schedule begins to emerge, like you feel okay about visiting him once a month, or once every three months or once a week or not at all. There is no right or wrong here, only what it is you're willing to do. Hang in there. While he is incarcerated, make the time about YOU, what you need, what you want. Reclaim your joy. Find your inner peace. Get your life back on track. Wishing you serenity.......... [/QUOTE]
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My son is in jail. Again. To visit or not to visit, that is the question...
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