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Parent Emeritus
My son is in jail. Again. To visit or not to visit, that is the question...
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 625737" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>If it were me, I'd wait until after sentencing. Like others, I wouldn't see any benefit to visiting if he were playing the blame game. He'll do that forever if you let him. For right now, letters and calls is probably enough. I don't know your financial situation, but phone calls from jail can be expensive. You might want to limit them. Measure your comfort level and go from there. Three years is a long time, and you <em>can</em> repair your relationship with him over that time if that is something he wants. Right now he wants a short sentence and will be grasping at straws. This is his time to do, not yours. When he gets out you will both have different lives than you do now. All of our lives will change in three years. All either of you can do is live the best life you can in that time and prepare for his release. I guess what I'm saying is that I'd take my clue from him - if he is going to change, you will know. Let him make that overture and decide if he wants the make a better life for himself. Include yourself in his better life and omit yourself from his criminal life, and hope that he chooses the better life.</p><p></p><p>You might want to edit out some of the personal identifiers in your most recent post to protect your privacy, and your son's as well. I've notified the mods so that they can take out which jail he is in if you don't get to it first. It might seem innocuous, but you'd be surprised what family can find if they are looking for it, and this should be a private place.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 625737, member: 99"] If it were me, I'd wait until after sentencing. Like others, I wouldn't see any benefit to visiting if he were playing the blame game. He'll do that forever if you let him. For right now, letters and calls is probably enough. I don't know your financial situation, but phone calls from jail can be expensive. You might want to limit them. Measure your comfort level and go from there. Three years is a long time, and you [I]can[/I] repair your relationship with him over that time if that is something he wants. Right now he wants a short sentence and will be grasping at straws. This is his time to do, not yours. When he gets out you will both have different lives than you do now. All of our lives will change in three years. All either of you can do is live the best life you can in that time and prepare for his release. I guess what I'm saying is that I'd take my clue from him - if he is going to change, you will know. Let him make that overture and decide if he wants the make a better life for himself. Include yourself in his better life and omit yourself from his criminal life, and hope that he chooses the better life. You might want to edit out some of the personal identifiers in your most recent post to protect your privacy, and your son's as well. I've notified the mods so that they can take out which jail he is in if you don't get to it first. It might seem innocuous, but you'd be surprised what family can find if they are looking for it, and this should be a private place. [/QUOTE]
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My son is in jail. Again. To visit or not to visit, that is the question...
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