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My son is in jail. Again. To visit or not to visit, that is the question...
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 701820" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>My son was in jail for two years. I never visited him. I tried twice, and once was turned away for wearing (professional) sandals (that wasn't listed on the website about prohibited clothing, but they did have sign on the wall once you got there) and once because he had been moved to segregation and could only have visitors in the morning (unbeknownst to me). By the time I was through all the processing it was afternoon.</p><p></p><p>I found those two attempts so demoralizing, dehumanizing, humiliating, and overall crushing that I promised myself that I didn't ever have to go again. And I didn't. And I won't.</p><p></p><p>I have tried to visit him several times at various psychiatric hospitals. I've mostly been successful at that in the past. In the past few years, tho, once I"ve packed up clothes and food to bring him, I have discovered that he had left/run away/escaped. So no visit.</p><p></p><p>In the end, it is his life to live. No point in my jumping through hoops, putting myself in uncomfortable or distressing situations because of his choices, or spending time on dead ends, whether I recognize them as dead ends ahead of time or not.</p><p></p><p>Did I tell you about the (very recent) time that I received a distinguished alum award from my old high school, then, while I was driving home in his twin sister's car, I got pulled over by state troopers because they ran the plates and found the same birthday and last name as a wanted felon....my Difficult Child. That was a good one. His choices redound to me in ways I couldn't even have imagined. I try now to make it less easy for them to impact me.</p><p></p><p>Good luck to you. I don't think you have to visit. I do accept his calls, but I told him last time that if he ran away from treatment again I wouldn't do that any more, and I won't.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 701820, member: 17269"] My son was in jail for two years. I never visited him. I tried twice, and once was turned away for wearing (professional) sandals (that wasn't listed on the website about prohibited clothing, but they did have sign on the wall once you got there) and once because he had been moved to segregation and could only have visitors in the morning (unbeknownst to me). By the time I was through all the processing it was afternoon. I found those two attempts so demoralizing, dehumanizing, humiliating, and overall crushing that I promised myself that I didn't ever have to go again. And I didn't. And I won't. I have tried to visit him several times at various psychiatric hospitals. I've mostly been successful at that in the past. In the past few years, tho, once I"ve packed up clothes and food to bring him, I have discovered that he had left/run away/escaped. So no visit. In the end, it is his life to live. No point in my jumping through hoops, putting myself in uncomfortable or distressing situations because of his choices, or spending time on dead ends, whether I recognize them as dead ends ahead of time or not. Did I tell you about the (very recent) time that I received a distinguished alum award from my old high school, then, while I was driving home in his twin sister's car, I got pulled over by state troopers because they ran the plates and found the same birthday and last name as a wanted felon....my Difficult Child. That was a good one. His choices redound to me in ways I couldn't even have imagined. I try now to make it less easy for them to impact me. Good luck to you. I don't think you have to visit. I do accept his calls, but I told him last time that if he ran away from treatment again I wouldn't do that any more, and I won't. [/QUOTE]
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My son is in jail. Again. To visit or not to visit, that is the question...
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