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My son is no longer a Pot Farmer, now he thinks he's a prophet...........
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 701091" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Tanya, just catching up with this thread. I read the conversation you had with your precious son and marveled at it. Marveled at you and at him, and just sat and thought about how many people are living a life like he is...some more noticeable and some less...disenfranchised, angry, trying to find a place for themselves and failing again and again...it's hard to function in our society in this context. And then you...your calmness and your love and your peace. You did so well with that conversation. You heard him, you didn't engage with it, you offered love and support, and then let it be. I know there is a cost to you, even with your tremendous amount of acceptance and detachment and growth from this hard, hard thing. </p><p></p><p>And then reading the posts of all who followed, it's a simple prescription for peace. </p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p>So valuable to work toward this. It is a first step of detachment. You didn't engage, but you still talked with him and expressed your love and support. I love this example of detachment. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It needs to be more about us than about them. When there is little to no contact, we get some peace. It's hard at first not knowing, and wondering, and feeling anxious about their safety, but as we grow into this letting go-thing, we accept and trust and turn the focus back to our own lives. Your son is a grown man, and he can turn and walk in a new direction at any point in time. That is what he is doing. Let him do it, and maybe, just maybe he will find a way forward. He sure won't find it through our best ideas. Our best thinking got us right here, right now. That is a key AA phrase and it works for us too.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It gets real simple. Safety. That became my hope and prayer for my son during the worst times. I just wanted him to live another day to have another chance. This is very humbling to watch you live this out, Tanya. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh, I came to believe this harder than I have never believed anything in my life. I still do. I believe it for all of us. If you don't believe in God, how about a Higher Power? Nature? The Universe, Forces for Good, whatever the name of it is. There is a Higher Power in charge here. He/she has this already. Whatever the outcome, it's not ours to control, fix or manage. We can't. We just can't. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Turn the light on self, and practice self-kindness in so many ways. This is very healing, and a daily practice. I lived most of my life thinking I had to be there, be strong, do for...other people and I didn't need a single solitary thing. Wrong. </p><p></p><p>That is a prescription for disaster and for tremendous enabling of other people. </p><p></p><p>I remember the day it occurred to me that you...could...have...fun...every...single...day. It was in my control to make that happen. I used to think you could only have fun on Fridays and Saturdays, the weekend. Sunday wasn't much fun either. So...most of the time to work and fulfill responsibilities, with a little extra time and fun two days a week. I watched my Type A Dad work, work, work. I watched my overwhelmed Mom work, work, work. Other people today talk about what little sense of humor my family has. !!!! Isn't that sad? It's true, and I'm trying to be funnier these days. Lol. Live a little, folks. Life is short and we matter too. </p><p></p><p>Tanya, I hope your precious son finds warmer climes in Peru or wherever he lands, and who knows, caring people, a place to be, a way to thrive and find some peace and happiness. </p><p></p><p>Warm hugs to all of you Warriors here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 701091, member: 17542"] Tanya, just catching up with this thread. I read the conversation you had with your precious son and marveled at it. Marveled at you and at him, and just sat and thought about how many people are living a life like he is...some more noticeable and some less...disenfranchised, angry, trying to find a place for themselves and failing again and again...it's hard to function in our society in this context. And then you...your calmness and your love and your peace. You did so well with that conversation. You heard him, you didn't engage with it, you offered love and support, and then let it be. I know there is a cost to you, even with your tremendous amount of acceptance and detachment and growth from this hard, hard thing. And then reading the posts of all who followed, it's a simple prescription for peace. So valuable to work toward this. It is a first step of detachment. You didn't engage, but you still talked with him and expressed your love and support. I love this example of detachment. It needs to be more about us than about them. When there is little to no contact, we get some peace. It's hard at first not knowing, and wondering, and feeling anxious about their safety, but as we grow into this letting go-thing, we accept and trust and turn the focus back to our own lives. Your son is a grown man, and he can turn and walk in a new direction at any point in time. That is what he is doing. Let him do it, and maybe, just maybe he will find a way forward. He sure won't find it through our best ideas. Our best thinking got us right here, right now. That is a key AA phrase and it works for us too. It gets real simple. Safety. That became my hope and prayer for my son during the worst times. I just wanted him to live another day to have another chance. This is very humbling to watch you live this out, Tanya. Oh, I came to believe this harder than I have never believed anything in my life. I still do. I believe it for all of us. If you don't believe in God, how about a Higher Power? Nature? The Universe, Forces for Good, whatever the name of it is. There is a Higher Power in charge here. He/she has this already. Whatever the outcome, it's not ours to control, fix or manage. We can't. We just can't. Turn the light on self, and practice self-kindness in so many ways. This is very healing, and a daily practice. I lived most of my life thinking I had to be there, be strong, do for...other people and I didn't need a single solitary thing. Wrong. That is a prescription for disaster and for tremendous enabling of other people. I remember the day it occurred to me that you...could...have...fun...every...single...day. It was in my control to make that happen. I used to think you could only have fun on Fridays and Saturdays, the weekend. Sunday wasn't much fun either. So...most of the time to work and fulfill responsibilities, with a little extra time and fun two days a week. I watched my Type A Dad work, work, work. I watched my overwhelmed Mom work, work, work. Other people today talk about what little sense of humor my family has. !!!! Isn't that sad? It's true, and I'm trying to be funnier these days. Lol. Live a little, folks. Life is short and we matter too. Tanya, I hope your precious son finds warmer climes in Peru or wherever he lands, and who knows, caring people, a place to be, a way to thrive and find some peace and happiness. Warm hugs to all of you Warriors here. [/QUOTE]
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My son is no longer a Pot Farmer, now he thinks he's a prophet...........
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