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Substance Abuse
My son is now one of the homeless...
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 650143" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>If I were you I would print this out to keep in a special file folder for written things you get from him. I think keeping a history, in their own words is helpful for us in how we deal with them in the future. It is too easy to "forget" what was said, but having tangible evidence will help you to use caution in dealing with him in the future. It is HORRID what he has said to you. Believe me when I say what I see when I read this is the whole intention here is to take a big dump on you. This is why I say it should never be forgotten. I think, if you use the psychological term called transference - he is transferring what he feels about himself onto the rest of the family. It sounds as he has made one bad choice after another (which is a theme in the letter but is you did, you did, you did, instead of I did, I did, I did) If he is in the earlier stages of actual recovery, he may find comfort in blaming others for what his addiction has caused in his own life and parroting back what he hears others saying. With addicts it certainly can devolve into a situation about blame. That is a huge warning sign though because in order to really become clean, you have to take the step where you deal with the harm you have brought to others. This letter certainly shows that no only is he not ready to do his own self inventory but has found an excuse to blame anyone or anything for where he has found himself in life now.</p><p></p><p>Don't fall for it - he is where he is because he put himself there. You were in your right mind when he was leading his life down a sick and dark path. You could not have saved him from himself and you have nothing to apologize to him for. </p><p></p><p>Here is an example: here he says bad things about you, from his point of view. But who made you unhappy? Gossiping is probably relating how you refused to keep his dirty little secrets of what he was up to, to yourself. UN-loyal? To him because you enabled - or got to the point you were unwilling to enable?</p><p>And so on and so on.</p><p>About the only person this kind of rubbish would make any sense to in reality is him. He has once again stricken you with hate filled words. Words that mean nothing, the sole purpose is to bring you down to the same type of pain he is in having destroyed his life by his choice!</p><p></p><p>This is pure self loathing for the problems he has brought upon himself. Maybe he wrote this as he is now at an age where he, himself, fears for the future of his life. The abandonment he speaks of, I am going to go out on a limb and say, that he was put out of the house because he refused to follow reasonable rules. </p><p></p><p>Do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of trying to make sense out of nonsense. You guys have been through he!! and back with him and now it is all your fault? I don't think so and neither should you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 650143, member: 18366"] If I were you I would print this out to keep in a special file folder for written things you get from him. I think keeping a history, in their own words is helpful for us in how we deal with them in the future. It is too easy to "forget" what was said, but having tangible evidence will help you to use caution in dealing with him in the future. It is HORRID what he has said to you. Believe me when I say what I see when I read this is the whole intention here is to take a big dump on you. This is why I say it should never be forgotten. I think, if you use the psychological term called transference - he is transferring what he feels about himself onto the rest of the family. It sounds as he has made one bad choice after another (which is a theme in the letter but is you did, you did, you did, instead of I did, I did, I did) If he is in the earlier stages of actual recovery, he may find comfort in blaming others for what his addiction has caused in his own life and parroting back what he hears others saying. With addicts it certainly can devolve into a situation about blame. That is a huge warning sign though because in order to really become clean, you have to take the step where you deal with the harm you have brought to others. This letter certainly shows that no only is he not ready to do his own self inventory but has found an excuse to blame anyone or anything for where he has found himself in life now. Don't fall for it - he is where he is because he put himself there. You were in your right mind when he was leading his life down a sick and dark path. You could not have saved him from himself and you have nothing to apologize to him for. Here is an example: here he says bad things about you, from his point of view. But who made you unhappy? Gossiping is probably relating how you refused to keep his dirty little secrets of what he was up to, to yourself. UN-loyal? To him because you enabled - or got to the point you were unwilling to enable? And so on and so on. About the only person this kind of rubbish would make any sense to in reality is him. He has once again stricken you with hate filled words. Words that mean nothing, the sole purpose is to bring you down to the same type of pain he is in having destroyed his life by his choice! This is pure self loathing for the problems he has brought upon himself. Maybe he wrote this as he is now at an age where he, himself, fears for the future of his life. The abandonment he speaks of, I am going to go out on a limb and say, that he was put out of the house because he refused to follow reasonable rules. Do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of trying to make sense out of nonsense. You guys have been through he!! and back with him and now it is all your fault? I don't think so and neither should you. [/QUOTE]
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