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My son is spiraling down
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 673320" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Quicksand, I am so sorry.</p><p></p><p>He will likely be arrested very soon, and perhaps that is the next right step for him on this journey. I started to become glad when my son would get arrested after the first couple of times. At least i knew he was "somewhere" and could get food and a place to sleep and presumably was away from drugs. That was a step up in my mind. </p><p></p><p>Your son will do what he does until he stops. You have very very little to do with it. I know that's hard for us to fathom, but it helped me to think like this:</p><p></p><p>There is a big wheel with many spokes. My son is at the center. I am one tiny skinny spoke. Once he works his way through me and through the other spokes, to get what he wants, then he starts all over again, with me and then spoke by spoke by spoke.</p><p></p><p>The fewer the spokes that will help him...the sooner he has to face himself. </p><p></p><p>Your son may have another mental illness besides addiction, and he may not. There is no way to tell unless and until they get clean from drugs and alcohol.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, it's just going to be pure misery.</p><p></p><p>Do yourself a huge, huge favor. Turn the spotlight, the focus, the bright light...away from him...and onto yourself. Use the energy you are spending worrying, crying, grieving---at least part of it---on doing some simple, kind things for yourself. We need to treat ourselves very tenderly during these times---we are raw and bleeding from the pain of it.</p><p></p><p>Keep life simple, and slow it all way, way down. Let time take its time without you rushing in, trying to do something. This is a practice I had to learn because all I ever knew was "doing something, taking action" to fix things. But when it comes to people, we can't fix it. Our helping just doesn't help.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry for your pain. Feel it, claim it, but don't let it drive you to act or react to him. Keep your distance as best you can. He needs to stand the full light of his choices, and only then can he have a chance to start changing.</p><p></p><p>We're here for you. Warm hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 673320, member: 17542"] Quicksand, I am so sorry. He will likely be arrested very soon, and perhaps that is the next right step for him on this journey. I started to become glad when my son would get arrested after the first couple of times. At least i knew he was "somewhere" and could get food and a place to sleep and presumably was away from drugs. That was a step up in my mind. Your son will do what he does until he stops. You have very very little to do with it. I know that's hard for us to fathom, but it helped me to think like this: There is a big wheel with many spokes. My son is at the center. I am one tiny skinny spoke. Once he works his way through me and through the other spokes, to get what he wants, then he starts all over again, with me and then spoke by spoke by spoke. The fewer the spokes that will help him...the sooner he has to face himself. Your son may have another mental illness besides addiction, and he may not. There is no way to tell unless and until they get clean from drugs and alcohol. In the meantime, it's just going to be pure misery. Do yourself a huge, huge favor. Turn the spotlight, the focus, the bright light...away from him...and onto yourself. Use the energy you are spending worrying, crying, grieving---at least part of it---on doing some simple, kind things for yourself. We need to treat ourselves very tenderly during these times---we are raw and bleeding from the pain of it. Keep life simple, and slow it all way, way down. Let time take its time without you rushing in, trying to do something. This is a practice I had to learn because all I ever knew was "doing something, taking action" to fix things. But when it comes to people, we can't fix it. Our helping just doesn't help. I'm so sorry for your pain. Feel it, claim it, but don't let it drive you to act or react to him. Keep your distance as best you can. He needs to stand the full light of his choices, and only then can he have a chance to start changing. We're here for you. Warm hugs. [/QUOTE]
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