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My son left. I asked him to.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 688065" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you Darkwing. No, I am not looking for affirmation. Except maybe I am a little bit.</p><p></p><p>Some people say when we help our kids we do it for ourselves. That part. </p><p></p><p>I kicked my son out and did not do anything for him because he acted badly to us. I mean sometimes violent, betrayals, etc. It was not retribution, it was more--you cannot engage a wild animal. There has to be some receptivity to a relationship.</p><p></p><p>I was questioned here on the board because I did not help my son then. Because my son does receive SSI. There was a question about his capacity. Not by me, although I came to doubt myself, my own perceptions. </p><p></p><p>And some parents question whether the help we give, is to assuage our own guilt, or to minimize our own fear. And that we need to recognize that we are helping ourselves, not our kids, when we help.</p><p></p><p>So I get wobbly sometimes on both of these things. </p><p></p><p>And the other thing I get wobbly about it that you cannot make somebody want something. I know that.</p><p>But many psychological theorists believe that we change by walking the walk, not by any ideas we have about what we want or like. We do it, and because we do it, the wiring changes in our brain, and we come to want what we do. Like, the liking comes after the doing.</p><p></p><p>So, I guess I do disagree with what I wrote. That by modeling something to somebody, there can be achieved some buy in eventually. Actually, that is how we raise kids, is it not?</p><p></p><p>I do love my son. You know by reading here how much it costs us to deny them. It is OK. It is worth it. I know where I am going. I just sometimes need to remind myself.</p><p></p><p>Thank you, Darkwing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 688065, member: 18958"] Thank you Darkwing. No, I am not looking for affirmation. Except maybe I am a little bit. Some people say when we help our kids we do it for ourselves. That part. I kicked my son out and did not do anything for him because he acted badly to us. I mean sometimes violent, betrayals, etc. It was not retribution, it was more--you cannot engage a wild animal. There has to be some receptivity to a relationship. I was questioned here on the board because I did not help my son then. Because my son does receive SSI. There was a question about his capacity. Not by me, although I came to doubt myself, my own perceptions. And some parents question whether the help we give, is to assuage our own guilt, or to minimize our own fear. And that we need to recognize that we are helping ourselves, not our kids, when we help. So I get wobbly sometimes on both of these things. And the other thing I get wobbly about it that you cannot make somebody want something. I know that. But many psychological theorists believe that we change by walking the walk, not by any ideas we have about what we want or like. We do it, and because we do it, the wiring changes in our brain, and we come to want what we do. Like, the liking comes after the doing. So, I guess I do disagree with what I wrote. That by modeling something to somebody, there can be achieved some buy in eventually. Actually, that is how we raise kids, is it not? I do love my son. You know by reading here how much it costs us to deny them. It is OK. It is worth it. I know where I am going. I just sometimes need to remind myself. Thank you, Darkwing. [/QUOTE]
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