After you throw your son out because of the drugs, lying and stealing, how in the world do you get sleep without the guilt, when do you stop crying and worrying, I suppose never, and when you get texts saying he is waiting for a bed in detox but he is not allowed in your house anymore and sleeps in bathrooms cause he ripped off all of his friends, how does one get through this without enabling, I am at my wits end! I really would love some advice, Thank you
My son the addict
- Thread starter maxiesoma
- Start date
lovemysons
Well-Known Member
Maxiesoma,
I understand your feelings your heartache.
It is so difficult to remember that these are THEIR choices that have lead them to these consequences.
Our mommy hearts want to fix and rescue...it's innate. We want to comfort them and solve their problems. However, everytime we "rescue" them from their choices we are teaching them the wrong message. We are not the Almighty. We cannot save them from themselves. They have to hit bottom and look for better answers outside their "best thinking". The only way they will reach out for real help is often through very painful consequences.
Just last night, my own younger son told me that at least in prison he'd have 3 squares and sober living. So sad that THAT is where he may end up again in order to stay away from drugs and alcohol.
I'm sorry you are in anguish over your son's choices...but it is necessary for him to own his choices and consequences. I know we feel it too.
I hope your son gets the help he needs soon.
with care,
LMS
I understand your feelings your heartache.
It is so difficult to remember that these are THEIR choices that have lead them to these consequences.
Our mommy hearts want to fix and rescue...it's innate. We want to comfort them and solve their problems. However, everytime we "rescue" them from their choices we are teaching them the wrong message. We are not the Almighty. We cannot save them from themselves. They have to hit bottom and look for better answers outside their "best thinking". The only way they will reach out for real help is often through very painful consequences.
Just last night, my own younger son told me that at least in prison he'd have 3 squares and sober living. So sad that THAT is where he may end up again in order to stay away from drugs and alcohol.
I'm sorry you are in anguish over your son's choices...but it is necessary for him to own his choices and consequences. I know we feel it too.
I hope your son gets the help he needs soon.
with care,
LMS
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Have you gone to a 12 step meeting for moral support? Do you have a therapist of your own? Nobody will tell you it's easy to detach. But it has to be done for his sake as well as yours and the rest of your family. It is in my opinion really hard to do it alone though.
Sending all my love and hugs.
Sending all my love and hugs.
Hi Maxiesoma. Welcome to our little corner of the CD board. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Many of us have had to do the same thing and no one will tell you that it is easy.
You are doing the right thing. Your difficult child has to get to the point that he is so uncomfortable and unhappy that he doesn't want to live like that anymore. If you make it easy, he will have no reason to change. I'm glad that he says he wants to go to detox. That is a great first step. Let him sleep in bathrooms until then. It is his own fault for stealing from his friends.
You need to take care of you now. I like MWM's suggestion of finding a support group or a counselor. I have been seeing a counselor who has helped me set boundaries with my own difficult child. It has been a great help to me.
Also, keep posting. I don't think I could have gotten through the darkest times without this wonderful group of people.
~Kathy
You are doing the right thing. Your difficult child has to get to the point that he is so uncomfortable and unhappy that he doesn't want to live like that anymore. If you make it easy, he will have no reason to change. I'm glad that he says he wants to go to detox. That is a great first step. Let him sleep in bathrooms until then. It is his own fault for stealing from his friends.
You need to take care of you now. I like MWM's suggestion of finding a support group or a counselor. I have been seeing a counselor who has helped me set boundaries with my own difficult child. It has been a great help to me.
Also, keep posting. I don't think I could have gotten through the darkest times without this wonderful group of people.
~Kathy
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Welcome Maxiesoma. Your post brought me right back to that dark dark time in my life. Just like you I cried all the time after we kicked our daughter out. I worried myself sick, couldn't sleep, hid in the house in case I met anyone in the grocery store and they should ask about her. I don't know how I got through it at the time because I didn't have a support group and it was so hard to talk about it to others who didn't understand.
I eventually did find a support group in our community, other parents whose young adult children were substance abusers. This board, which I have been a member of since my daughter was 7, opened this forum and I finally felt like I was among those who understood. I had to force myself live the serentiy prayer. Eventually as I got stronger it got easier to accept those things I could not change.
Continue to support him when he is doing the right thing...going into detox and seeing treatment. And make sure you stick to the line drawn in the sand when he doesn't. Enabling him will do nothing except prolong the time before he gets help.
Keep posting here and look for a support group in your area. It won't happen overnight but eventually you will find the strength you need tos top crying and start living.
I eventually did find a support group in our community, other parents whose young adult children were substance abusers. This board, which I have been a member of since my daughter was 7, opened this forum and I finally felt like I was among those who understood. I had to force myself live the serentiy prayer. Eventually as I got stronger it got easier to accept those things I could not change.
Continue to support him when he is doing the right thing...going into detox and seeing treatment. And make sure you stick to the line drawn in the sand when he doesn't. Enabling him will do nothing except prolong the time before he gets help.
Keep posting here and look for a support group in your area. It won't happen overnight but eventually you will find the strength you need tos top crying and start living.
