My son, the reason for sleeping with one eye open!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Lena26, Jun 6, 2016.

  1. HellHelix

    HellHelix New Member

    My son has become my living nightmare! This may sound like I'm exaggerating but if you take the time to read my story you'll see exactly what I mean. I'm not the first to post about a difficult child and I won't be the last nor am I the only one having a difficult time getting help. Let me just state that our home is stable with loving parents and a great support system so to ask if this behavior may be related to a bad home life would be way off! It all started from the day he could start walking and talking and has only seemed to escalate every year after that but to not make this story pages long I'll discuss just what's gone on recently. My son is 12, he's been diagnosed with psychosis, ADHD, mood disorder with psychotic tendencies and ODD. He loves to make everyone around him miserable! If you're stressed by his actions and he can see that, he'll smile because he knows he's succeeded in making you unhappy and if he sees you're happy or laughing, it won't be long before he makes sure to change that. It's a lot easier said than done to contain your emotions when your child has brought you to such an angry, stressed state that seems to last every moment they're awake. He steals, cheats, lies, is very aggressive, abusive, raids our pantry of all the food and hides the trash throughout the house(as of today now has a lock handle), sets fires, spray painted our backyard when we had my mother in law babysit who didn't listen to us when we said it only takes a second for you to not look and he'll find something to get into. He eats out of the garbage can(the city one mind you) that smells like death and is beyond filthy and and filled with germs and yes he's well fed, there's no reasoning behind it! We gave him the chore of throwing out the trash to feel like he had a job but he managed to ruin that.You can't take your eye off him for a second because his mind will be thinking of the next sneaky thing to do and he doesn't care if he's caught. Most recently and this is more serious, he's been hearing voices again that are telling him to harm himself or others and one of the voices told him to stab himself but he said he won't because it'll hurt but maybe one day he'll just listen and do it and yes we've taken every knife and locked it up but a child/person with his mentality can make anything a weapon. He's been in and out of acute treatment centers for years with barely any luck on help because insurance will only pay for 10 days at a time. His medications are changed, he tells the doctors what they want to hear so he's released and it's back to terror in our home and he's glad to be out just to terrorize us! He's currently in an acute treatment center but it won't be long before he's home again but I can honestly say I don't want him home anymore. He went in 2 weeks ago, was released and was back in 3 days later for choking my younger son! He had him up against the door with his forearm against his neck trying to make him stop breathing! I've called so many places asking for help on what else I can do to place him somewhere for a long period of time but I've had no luck! Insurance won't pay for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and I don't have thousands of dollars to shell out a month to pay out of pocket. All I've been told is to call CPS and ask them to help me and see if they'll take him but I don't know what that'll mean. Will I get in trouble, will I see him again? His therapist said it's very hard to have CPS take him because there's already so many kids in the system that they can't place whose parents were in my same predicament.Or foster care, I've heard they have special foster homes to handle kids like him. He's a danger to our family when he's here and I'm afraid he's going to succeed in hurting my youngest because he just doesn't care. He doesn't have feelings like most people do, no emotion for anything but hate and pure evil! It's hard for anyone not in this situation to understand or to not criticize but as his parent I have dealt with this for too many years with no improvements. Yes I've done counseling for him, he sees a psychiatrist, special classes, on medications, the whole works of outside help I can find but nothing helps him! I feel at this point it's either get him out of the house or our family will soon be on the news because he killed my younger son. I'm lost, I'm tired and I feel like I've reached the end of the rope and no one seems to want to help until it's too late!
  2. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the board, Lena. :welcomecat:I encourage to add a signature to your posts. If you click on your name in the upper right corner of your screen, a drop down menu will appear. Click on "signature" to create one. It's a way of letting others know the make-up of your family.

    I cannot think of any advice for you at this moment, but I completely understand the frustration and fear you feel. My husband became psychotic in the last few months of his life. I am not even sure the therapists that my kids and I see have seen someone that ill. Mental illness is a horrible, twisted thing. It can take an loving person and turn them into a nightmare.
    I know. You've probably already done this, but does your son have a motion alarm on his bedroom door so that you are alerted if he gets up during the night?

    I would not leave him alone ever. I recognize that he's turned your home into a battle zone. I'm so sorry. I'm hoping some of our other members will have some ideas of where you can go for additional help. I know there is something called "respite care" for children with issues. I don't know how you access it.

    I know you're weary. I know you're frustrated. I know you want to help your son but cannot seem to find the right help. I know you're terrified day in and day out. I know you want the doctors to fix this problem, but the medication roller coaster seems to do more harm than good.

    I offer you a :grouphugg:This is a place where parents understand. We won't judge you and we get it.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Just curious. Is he adopted?
  4. karisma

    karisma Member

    Hi Lena. Welcome. I'm so sorry for your pain. I have used "Respite" care here in the Phoenix area a few times when my son was your son's age. It was only 24 hour. The police had to be the ones to bring them. Its for "incorrigible" kids, but they would always call and tell me to come get him because they could not handle him.
    Anyhow, you have come to the right place. Many hugs to you. We do understand.
  5. Praecepta

    Praecepta Active Member

    Yes, CPS and placement by them into a special foster home would be the option I would pursue. There are group foster homes designed just for these kinds of kids.

    The problem is he needs 24/7 *constant* supervision. And a "regular home setting" can not provide that. I think I've read it takes 6 employees to provide that level of supervision. That is working 8 hours a day and time off - you need that many people! So if you are exhausted, no wonder!

    For now I would provide for your own protection. Plenty of smoke detectors in the house, an alarm on his door and a lock on your bedroom door. There are "driveway alarms" which have a wireless "motion sensor" and separate alarm gizmo. You could place the motion sensors in rooms you don't want him to be in unsupervised. Or just outside his door.
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  6. HellHelix

    HellHelix New Member

    Thank you! It's very hard to find support because the people who don't live with him don't understand, they think we're just being mean when we're out and make him stay with us instead of going to play with other kids. They don't understand anytime he's alone with other kids, someone always gets hurt by him and it's always an "accident" I don't have a motion alarm but I definitely need to look into it because he wakes up during the night and roams the house getting into things. We are definitely afraid of him and are dreading his return in a few days because I know for me, I will no longer sleep because even though I can lock doors to keep us safe, he'll be roaming the house seeing what he can get into and I'm always afraid of waking up to my home being trashed by him so I constantly get up to check on him. One night at about 2am I got up to go check on him and found him in the kitchen with food all over the floor, he'd take it from the pantry take a few bites and throw it on the floor and continue on. Mental illness is no joke and it's a shame there isn't more help out there to have these children removed from the home for being a danger to other family members.
  7. HellHelix

    HellHelix New Member

    No he isn't adopted
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It would help to know a little more about his background - infant, toddler, pre-school, etc. Family tree history - is this something that shows up in other parts of the family?

    I didn't catch whether you live with a significant other, I assume you do. In our family, we had to adjust our sleeping schedules, so that one of us adults was awake at any given point in time. And yes, it meant that I ran on way too little sleep for quite a few years.
  9. HellHelix

    HellHelix New Member

    As an infant there wasn't much to notice, he didn't cry a lot, was pretty content and just always seemed to stare off into space. As a toddler when he started walking, he'd purposely knock things off shelves to watch them break, would yell a lot and was aggressive. Pre school didn't work for him because of his behavior so he went to a church school in hopes they'd be able to straighten him up but had no luck. All his school years up to this point have been bad. He's very defiant, would hit teachers, assault other students, run away and is never passing. He was placed in a behavioral class but it didn't make a difference. His bio dad (whom I never married)has schizophrenia and was very violent and is now in prison for life but I left him when my son was 3 years old and never had much contact with him. I've been with my current husband since. My husband works so it's hard to take shifts to sleep because he won't be able to do his job being tired and I don't want to ask that of him since I'm not working. Which working is impossible for me because anytime I've had a job I've had to end up leaving before being fired because I was called so often to pick him up due to his behavior. I do go to school full time but I was able to do my classes online this summer instead of go in since I don't have someone who is capable of watching him. Everyone who does know how difficult it is to watch my son isn't willing to help because he's too much for them. My dad helped me for a little bit but my son kicked him so hard in the chest I was afraid he was going to seriously injure him so I won't allow it anymore but also because I now live 8 hours away from my parents.
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Nature is stronger than nurture, especially when it comes to things like mental illness. It's not whether he had contact with biodad or not - it's the genes, and it sounds like your son got biodad's genes by the bucket.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Schizophrenia is largely genetic, not due to contact with bio. Dad. He has half his bio. Dad's genes, even if he never sees him and cleatly inherited much pf his nio. Dafs problems.Do his therapists and psychiatrist know about his DNA history? They must, in order to know the whole pictute.

    Nature trumps nurture. It is stronger in most cases and certainly in the case of your boy.

    Hugs and yes. Mental illness sucks.
  12. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Just here to offer my support. Have been on a hellride but a different one.
  13. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly If focused on a single leaf you won't see the tree

    I had to place my son in a residential home for a few years- he was very destructive, harmful at times to himself and to our other two kids. He threw a big metal toy truck in the middle of my back during one of his temper tantrums, had slammed on son into a wall and he required stitches. I had brought a behavior specialist into our home to deal with the melt-down, temper tantrums. I would sit on him for an hour at times before he settled down. Anyways, it was hard decision to make, I sought the advice of Psychiatrist before making the decision. He said, he needs 24/7 supervision. He was in a mental facility for a month and they met with me, ex husband and spouses and determined he needed 24/7 supervision. He did well there and stayed until he was 18. He moved in with ex husband for a while after that, but those two just clashed and son moved out and to the streets. He lived off and on here and there, ups and downs, but now at 36 seems to have settled down.

    If you afraid of him at age 12, and for other family members, he needs to be placed, soon. It's hard, but it is for everyone's safety. He needs help, treatment. It sounds like your son also has oppositional defiance disoarder (throwing things, temper tantrums, melt-downs, etc). My son had that as well, among other diagnoses.
  14. HellHelix

    HellHelix New Member

    I'm sorry to hear that, it is a difficult road! If you don't mind me asking what's your situation?
  15. HellHelix

    HellHelix New Member

    Yes it is a difficult decision but I've already made the decision that I don't want him back home because of his threats and actions towards my younger son. The only problem I'm having is getting it paid for because insurance refuses to pay for Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I have tons of documentation as to how many times he's been placed in acute treatment centers repeatedly for the last 7 years. I'm meeting with someone from NAMI and going in front of a community of agencies to discuss my son. I don't know exactly what's going to happen but I'm praying for a resolution to have him removed from the home. He's too much for me to wrestle with because he's stronger and almost bigger than me now. It's just emotionally and physically draining now
  16. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly If focused on a single leaf you won't see the tree

    I was fortunate in that I found a Christian residential home for boys near where we lived- the facility applied for disability for son and that was their payment. If folks couldn't afford placement there, they still took the children. They fund-raise, like Knights of Columbus and other charities give to them to fund them. See if they can apply at these places for him to get disability; thus payment for his placement.

    Also, look into Teen challenge, they take at 12. It's a faith based program that lasts a year. They also are self-funded so if you can't pay, it's ok pay what you can. They are also a good source of information for places for troubled teens.

    Yes, I am so sorry what you are going, it will destroy you as it's so exhausting trying to handle and find solutions. I pray that you can find a good placement for him and he gets the help he needs.
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  17. 4Tall

    4Tall Member

    Does he have an IEP at school? Is he in a special class for students with behavior and mental health issues? It is possible to get the school district to place him in a residential setting. It is hard to do, but I know that living that way is harder.

    Also, there is another way to get your medical insurance to pay for residential treatment. Not sure if I am allowed to tell about a company that fights medical insurance when they deny your need for treatment, but let me know & I can give you the name of the company.

    But in the meantime, I would call 911 whenever he is dangerous or threatening. It sets up documentation to show that he needs extra services, such as residential treatment.

    So sorry that you are living this way.
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  18. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I would be careful about religion-based care for a child who might be schizophrenic.
  19. Ewok_1500

    Ewok_1500 New Member

    I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. I do understand how you feel though- my 8yo son has ODD and Conduct Disorder. I know how it feels to be scared of your child and what they might do to their sibling. I know all the guilt that goes along with that too.

    I'm sorry I can't offer any suggestions for treatment or assistance (I'm in Australia where all Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and healthcare is free, thankfully ). I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Big love xxx
  20. HellHelix

    HellHelix New Member

    If you are allowed I'd appreciate the name. He is in B.I.C at school but it hasn't seemed to help him much because it's just a behavioral controlled class. I'm meeting with people from our city on Thursday in hopes they have a plan or other help for me but I have to go in front of them and present my case. I'm not sure what this means or what'll and if it'll help but I'm giving it a try.