Hello Parents. This is my first post ever of any kind. I am stepping out on faith for support because I know if I don't reach out for help, I will do more damage to my family than my son has already done. I will keep our story brief. My 19 yr old son has had a spice (synthetic marijuana) problem for at least two years. He has received outpatient counseling, takes antidepressants and sees a psychologist regularly. He has promised and failed numerous times to stop smoking. He was finally admitted to inpatient care (21 day max per insurance). His counselor told me while he was in treatment that she didn't believe he was truly committed to sobriety. Nevertheless, he graduated from the program and came home. He was smoking again within one week of his return home. A condition for his return home was no smoking period. If he was caught, he would have to immediately leave the home. This happened last night. It's been more than 24 hrs since I've heard from him. I had to watch him walk out of our house with a duffle bag. We took his car keys away. I am an absolute mess. My husband is ready to leave me, and I know this is about tough love but how do I turn my brain off ? I am physically sick with worry. I have to pretend in front of our 13 yr old daughter that everything will be alright when honestly I don't know that to be true. He has zero friends and no relatives in the area so I'm sure he slept in a park last night and will again tonight. I fear for his basic safety. I'm scared the police, hospital or morgue is going to call. How soon do I reach out to him just to tell him I love him? His dad (my husband) says he is forever banned from our home and I support that but practically speaking, how do I just pick up and move on? I am lost.