My Son Will Be Sentenced in April..I need help with a question!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Catmom, Feb 15, 2017.

  1. Catmom

    Catmom Member

    As many of you may know, I had my son move out this past weekend. I have a concern that is causing me serious anxiety and any input will be appreciated! My son goes to court in April for a felony charge for selling drugs. Believe it or not, with so much overcrowding in the jail system and the fact that my son "looks" like a nice kid, his father and I both believe he will just get probation for x amount of time. Maybe at the most house arrest but we both believe it will just be probation. He has been in trouble a few times in the past, has a few misdemeanors on his record etc but always always gets a slap on the wrist, which doesn't teach him anything. My son's address is listed here at my house even though I think he is living with friends and his drivers license address is also listed here at my house even though I told him he needs to change it. He is irresponsible and won't. I don't want him getting probation and the courts thinking he will live with me bc his address is legally here. They can't make me keep my son here for probation can they? I can not subject the rest of my family to probation again where probation officers just show up at my house etc. After all, we didn't do anything wrong and I will not live that way.
  2. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Just tell your son not to put down your address because he doesnt live there anymore. The po might call and ask, just tell them he no longer lives there. The po will make him go to a halfway house. I am 99 percent sure they cant make you take him.
  3. Irish strong

    Irish strong New Member

    Not sure what state you live in. But... Here in Illinois... No if he is an adult and his name is not included in a lease or mortgage, you are not responsible for his house arrest. I was/am in the same situation. The judge needed confirmation I was willing to take my son in. So far son is half way complying. My son is receiving very strict mental health services/ orders. He only half way complies. I am prepared at all times with my own emergency plan. Thinking of you and so understand your pain.
  4. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Depending on your states laws, your son may or may not still "legally" reside at your home. I'm assuming that he is an adult and you have legally evicted him according to your state laws. That being said, here in Missouri, the primary resident(s) at that address MUST give permission for their address to be used by a convicted felon for purposes of establishing where they live. Depending on what kind of probation they give him, IF they give him probation, they may worry about his residence. If he gets unsupervised probation, maybe not. If he gets electronic monitoring while on probation, most definitely. And the whole living with a friend thing will probably be highly frowned upon.

    My suggestion would be to call the local Probation and Parole office, tell them the situation and ask their advice. They hate it when people call with stupid questions but something like this makes it easier on them. Trust me when I say that we Correctional employees are ALL about making our job easier!!
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    If you did not serve him legally with eviction papers I would do so now, after the fact, following the laws in your state to legally evict. You will have established a paper trail, which should likely protect you.
  6. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Sorry, forgot to say that P&P can't force you to let someone live with you. But yeah, make sure and check on the eviction thing although if he left willingly and you have witnesses, you should be covered. Should be.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If he isn't living with you now, send ALL mail back to the post office with NO LONGER AT THIS ADDRESS on the envelope. That is part of starting the paper trail to prove that he doesn't live at your address as of this date. Mail him something via certified mail if you have to, just to get that started.

    Be SURE to be in court for his hearings and to tell the judge that he is not living with you and that you are not willing to having him there for his probation. Be aware that it very well may impact his sentence, meaning he may have to serve jail time if he does not have an established home to live in. Often a home with friends, without parents or other supervising adults, is not considered an established home. At least in my area it is not. If a person does not have an 'established' home to live in, then they get time in jail or prison.

    I would not let this change your decision. If your son has had other criminal charges, then he clearly is not getting the message that this is not the way to live. He may need to spend some time behind bars to learn that this is not the way to build a successful life. If you have other children, it is not fair to punish them because he has made these choices. It is also not fair to sacrifice them on the altar of his bad behavior. Even if you do not have other children, that is YOUR home, your sanctuary and YOU do not deserve to have to deal with the intrusion of probation officers into your home. You didn't break the law and clearly you have already been through this once. That is more than enough to allow your child the chance to learn from a mistake. After that, he needs harsher consequences, and those include not being allowed to live in your home and inflict those consequences on you.

    Of course this is just my opinion and you must do what feels right for you and your family.
  8. Carri

    Carri Active Member

    I continue to write "no longer at this address" on any mail that comes addressed to my son. If your son is over 18 and he doesn't actually live with you, I don't see how they could make him stay with you on house arrest. Try not to overthink it...maybe he'll actually get some time or not even get house arrest. Most of what I worry about never even happens! Whatever is supposed to happen will happen...
  9. Catmom

    Catmom Member

    Thank you everyone for the advice. My son has been out of the house for a week now and it has been heaven here. He hasn't had any contact with me so I am guessing he doesn't need anything at this time. I can't reach him bc the phone I got him was again lost, stolen or sold back in the beginning of January so I don't have a way to talk to him.
  10. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    I agree with everyone here. Let the court and probation officer know that you are not prepared to have him live with you or be his oversight while out on parole. You and your family deserve the peace and quiet. Also he needs to face the discomfort of either jail or a half way house for his actions.