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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 625873" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm sorry all that happened. I don't let my adult kids move back home because they are adults. In an emergency, I would but not under the circumstances yours did. Although your daughter was verbally abusive, your son had no right to beat her up physically and he is getting what the consequences are for doing so. Also, being raped doesn't give anyone the right to assault others.Why do you think your daughter should not have him arrested? If it were me, I would have been on the phone calling 9-1-1. Maybe it's just me, but there is no excuse for violence in my world. You know where you end it up if you use violence? You end up in jail, where sadly a lot of our kids are. The police will not care that your son went through this or that. Most people in jail/prison have not have good lives. They still can not break the law.</p><p></p><p>I think they both should move out even if they are homeless and you need to learn how to take good care of yourself and disengage from their drama. Both of them sound very immature and you do have a right to stop taking care of both of them and to live in a peaceful home without grown adult kids acting like they are still ten. I told you what my own kids went through yet neither are physical or mean to one another. One in four kids are raped. It's startling and sad, but one in four kids do not go around assaulting others because of it. It is horrible to hear about, but you can heal from it. You do need to WANT to heal and to work hard at getting help. What is he doing to help himself? Why did he go off his medication? That is sort of the opposite of taking care of himself.</p><p></p><p>You need to learn radical acceptance if you want to feel better yourself. Radical accept, and I will post a link, says "It is what it is and I accept reality even if I don't like it."</p><p></p><p>Your daughter may not be a nice person. That may be a fact. You don't need to judge the fact, but accept it. I don't know her story.</p><p></p><p>Your son may be a violent person who can't walk away rather than fight when insulted. This may be a fact and you don't have to like it, but accept it. Here is a link to radical acceptance or else just look it up on your search engine. It's amazingly soothing!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I have to agree with COM. Your focus needs to be on yourself now because you are no good for anyone, including yourself, if their drama makes you very ill or kills you. You can not control them and your pity doesn't help your son. In fact, it probably makes him use that pity and guilt to get stuff from you.</p><p></p><p>Sorry you are hurting and sending warm thoughts and hoping you have some serenity in your day.</p><p></p><p>God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I can not change,</p><p>the COURAGE to change the things I can,</p><p>and the WISDOM to know the difference.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 625873, member: 1550"] I'm sorry all that happened. I don't let my adult kids move back home because they are adults. In an emergency, I would but not under the circumstances yours did. Although your daughter was verbally abusive, your son had no right to beat her up physically and he is getting what the consequences are for doing so. Also, being raped doesn't give anyone the right to assault others.Why do you think your daughter should not have him arrested? If it were me, I would have been on the phone calling 9-1-1. Maybe it's just me, but there is no excuse for violence in my world. You know where you end it up if you use violence? You end up in jail, where sadly a lot of our kids are. The police will not care that your son went through this or that. Most people in jail/prison have not have good lives. They still can not break the law. I think they both should move out even if they are homeless and you need to learn how to take good care of yourself and disengage from their drama. Both of them sound very immature and you do have a right to stop taking care of both of them and to live in a peaceful home without grown adult kids acting like they are still ten. I told you what my own kids went through yet neither are physical or mean to one another. One in four kids are raped. It's startling and sad, but one in four kids do not go around assaulting others because of it. It is horrible to hear about, but you can heal from it. You do need to WANT to heal and to work hard at getting help. What is he doing to help himself? Why did he go off his medication? That is sort of the opposite of taking care of himself. You need to learn radical acceptance if you want to feel better yourself. Radical accept, and I will post a link, says "It is what it is and I accept reality even if I don't like it." Your daughter may not be a nice person. That may be a fact. You don't need to judge the fact, but accept it. I don't know her story. Your son may be a violent person who can't walk away rather than fight when insulted. This may be a fact and you don't have to like it, but accept it. Here is a link to radical acceptance or else just look it up on your search engine. It's amazingly soothing! I have to agree with COM. Your focus needs to be on yourself now because you are no good for anyone, including yourself, if their drama makes you very ill or kills you. You can not control them and your pity doesn't help your son. In fact, it probably makes him use that pity and guilt to get stuff from you. Sorry you are hurting and sending warm thoughts and hoping you have some serenity in your day. God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I can not change, the COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference. [/QUOTE]
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