My Son's Radar

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by pasajes4, Nov 4, 2017.

  1. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am certian that I am not the only parent that has experienced this with their child. I am due to leave for Baltimore Monday morning. My son does mot know my plans, but some how he must have sensed that I was going to do something good for myself. I got a call from a mental hospital telling me that my son is wanting to discharge to my house and would I agree to have him. I told the caseworker absolutely not.

    I now have to worry about him showing up at my house while I am gone and harassing my granddaughter or worse yet trying to break in. So now I am wondering If I should cancel my trip. It just never ends.
  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Ugh Pasa yes the radar. Went on a short trip this summer and Tornado showed up. Hoku texted me the same “Mom, I think she has a radar”
    Will they discharge him without a place to go?
    Ugh, just ugh.
    Hugs Pasa, I know the feeling of uncertainty, for sure.
  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Pasa go! Make sure if you have someone who can help keep an eye out they do so. And make sure GD calls 911 immediately.

    Radar is absolutely correct. I feel the same impending doom for our vacation plans
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree. Every time we've left town for any reason is the time my daughter becomes homeless or a new act of drama emerges.

    It's tough because you're leaving your granddaughter there. How old is she?

    Costco has some really good cheaper home security devices which can be monitored on a cell phone. Perhaps a sensor light outside with some kind of alarm which can go off and warn her if anyone is near your home? And, calling the police of course to ask them to watch over your place. Is there a friend who can be on call so your granddaughter can call if she feels unsafe?

    I think I would explore many options of protection for your home and your granddaughter so that you can leave. You deserve to go on your trip and likely need it after all the shenanigans your son has recently put you thru. I would brainstorm options with your granddaughter and come up with a plan that makes you feel good about leaving. I've had to do that so many times, it's almost second nature to me now.

    Go on your trip Pasa, don't let him take any more of your life.
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  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    i hope you go.

    we got an alarm company for a property. it was about $33 a month for the monitoring and about $250 or $300 for the equipment. the alarm goes off, and the company calls the police. first they call. and if they do not reach anybody they dispatch the police. the police come fast.

    i hope you go.
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  6. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Agreed. Heck, it would be good to have that in your home while you are in town. Thought of this myself too. Hidden cameras that connect to your cell, you can view your house from anywhere.
    I agree with RE. Pasa.
    You should go.
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  7. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    having both i think the alarm would be better in this situation. it is more proactive. it makes immediate racket and it dispatches the police.

    but there is no time to install either one. i would still go. emphatically. i would alert the police and prepare granddaughter. is her mother with her?

    the camera is passive until you call the police.

    pasa. your son is still very young. while he will mature and learn to contain himself, it does not seem it will be soon.

    i understand your concern is for grandaughter. i would worry too. if she is alone there. and underage. but she is either over 18 and/or her mother is with her.

    the concern was always there/hospital discharge or not/phone call or not.

    you are setting yourself free. you matter. to step back in the cage would be to vote against hope. i believe that. everybody who loves you would suffer. including g d and son.

    Last edited: Nov 4, 2017
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I do have a security system with cameras.
  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Oops. My granddaughter is 21 and her friend is staying with her. My son has a no trespass order for my property. She knows to call the police if he shows up. I just dont want her to go through that drama.

    The last thing I had heard was that son had a job and a place to stay. I guess that was too much for him to handle. It only lasted a couple of days.
  10. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly If focused on a single leaf you won't see the tree

    My son too, radar whenever we were leaving on a trip. Oh and also when I was in pre-op for surgery. Just got to the bed, ready to gown up, phone rings. Son, drama, needs money, ughhh.

    GO on your trip and have a good time.
  11. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    I think you should go, but I would have granddaughter stay somewhere else. I would feel more relaxed if she were not at the house where he might show.
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    They won't be here very much between school and work. My daughter is a few minutes away at the most. I would rather she stay somewhere else, but she has to take care of her cat and my gizmo.

    I already have my boarding pass and my ride to the airport scheduled. I'm going on my trip. I will not put my life on hold because of his drama. Geesh I'm 64 years old. I don't have the luxury of waiting for him to get his life together.
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  13. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    bon voyage pasa. have a wonderful, peaceful and safe trip.
  14. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    We hired a security guard to sit outside the house for a few nights, $15/hr, since our most recent incident until we figure out better security.

    Four years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to imagine a time I would want Find My IPhone to make sure he WASNT close to the house. It’s long been turned off.

    Can I hit him with a tracker dart? It’s ridiculous, but the police took 30 mins to arrive.
  15. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Safe travels Pasa! Enjoy your journey!
  16. CDN_DAD_in_tough

    CDN_DAD_in_tough New Member

    The radar is real and it's uncanny. I haven't taken a trip in ages, but my 16yr old son has an amazing knack for sending me one of his classic troubling text messages at exactly the perfect moment to throw a wrench in any plans I have. I often get a text message just as I'm pulling out of the driveway to go somewhere for a couple hours of blissful fact I pretty much assume that something is going to happen whenever I'm embarking on some enjoyable outing. It feels like he's got a camera on me or something and times his outbursts for maximum mental anguish.
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  17. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I did it! I got on my flight and am now in Baltimore enjoying the sights and my sister's company.

    He showed up last night foaming at the mouth and screaming about how awful I am.

    Oh well.
  18. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member



    Oh Pasa have a wonderful time.
  19. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    When they are that mad you know your doing something right.
    I am so pleased for you. Enjoy your sister and enjoy Baltimore!