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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 626620" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>If it makes you feel any better, herpes is not the big deal it used to be. My son dated a girl who told him she had herpes and that was not even part of their relationship. She is under medical care and has not had a breakout. She is also a lawyer so she is not a brainless child. She is matter of fact about it. When my son asked how most men reacted to her when she told them, she said, "Most don't care." My sister, who is in the dating scene also, said about the same thing. It's not the big deal it once was.</p><p></p><p>What your daughter does about her herpes is her issue. If she immorally chooses not to tell her partner, sadly she is NOT the first to do that. Anyone who consents to be a sexual partner with another person and does not use protection is taking a risk, and that risk is on THEIR shoulders. It is nobody's fault that your daughter got herpes except hers and it will be nobody else's fault except theirs if somebody gets it from her. It is not as easy for a female to spread it to a male as vice versa. In this day and age of AIDS it is insane to have frequest, unprotected sex. It is a personal decision and the decision to do it is the blame of the person. Do not feel shamed. HPV is everywhere and I know several people who not only don't tell, but don't care...hey, if that's how they want to live, YOU can not control it. You can't control your daughter. There is good treatment for herpes and she can choose to take care of it.</p><p></p><p>I personally would not want my daughter to marry anyone for any reason if she were still young, immature, and a difficult child. Badly taken care of grandchildren would follow that she could use against you if she got angry. A divorce would probably also follow. And she would expect YOU to fund her little dysfunctional family most likely. That is not something that I'd wish for if this were my child. The horrors of young difficult child marriage are legendary. Marriage is hard even if you are financially stable, emotionally stable, and older. Teen marriage with two teens who don't think and have no jobs or futures...if you have any clout with her, I'd DIScourage it and say that you won't help her out if she does it, however that's what I would say...you have you take your own walk through GFGland.</p><p></p><p>Does she have any plans after she graduates high school? Is she going to graduate? Does she have a part-time job now? Is she in any way on the way to becoming a responible young woman? I have an almost eighteen year old who is VERY responsible and on her way. I had a very irresponsible eighteen year old who took drugs and partied and eventually had to leave the house. There is a huge difference.</p><p></p><p>I think therapy may help you handle the herpes issue and get over it. Wallowing in shame, which is unecessary, will not help your daughter and will hurt you and your health. A lot of people have herpes...just that most of the time their parents don't know. It is not your fault and if it were my daughter I would not want to emphasize a shame aspect, even indirectly, I would be more apt to write down the names of doctors who can treat it.</p><p></p><p>Since she is going to be legal in a year, I think (and it's just my opinion) that you should start preparing her for life as an adult. Because in the eyes of the law she will be one. You also do need to de-stress or you will be useless to her and, worse, to yourself and to your other loved ones and friends.</p><p></p><p>But I know you are early in this journey. When you are ready, you will know and you can hop over to Parent Emeritus and see how we handle these types of grown children. Trust me, you will have a lot of company!!!! And you will see the methods we have used to survive with a out-of-control adult child.</p><p></p><p>Many hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 626620, member: 1550"] If it makes you feel any better, herpes is not the big deal it used to be. My son dated a girl who told him she had herpes and that was not even part of their relationship. She is under medical care and has not had a breakout. She is also a lawyer so she is not a brainless child. She is matter of fact about it. When my son asked how most men reacted to her when she told them, she said, "Most don't care." My sister, who is in the dating scene also, said about the same thing. It's not the big deal it once was. What your daughter does about her herpes is her issue. If she immorally chooses not to tell her partner, sadly she is NOT the first to do that. Anyone who consents to be a sexual partner with another person and does not use protection is taking a risk, and that risk is on THEIR shoulders. It is nobody's fault that your daughter got herpes except hers and it will be nobody else's fault except theirs if somebody gets it from her. It is not as easy for a female to spread it to a male as vice versa. In this day and age of AIDS it is insane to have frequest, unprotected sex. It is a personal decision and the decision to do it is the blame of the person. Do not feel shamed. HPV is everywhere and I know several people who not only don't tell, but don't care...hey, if that's how they want to live, YOU can not control it. You can't control your daughter. There is good treatment for herpes and she can choose to take care of it. I personally would not want my daughter to marry anyone for any reason if she were still young, immature, and a difficult child. Badly taken care of grandchildren would follow that she could use against you if she got angry. A divorce would probably also follow. And she would expect YOU to fund her little dysfunctional family most likely. That is not something that I'd wish for if this were my child. The horrors of young difficult child marriage are legendary. Marriage is hard even if you are financially stable, emotionally stable, and older. Teen marriage with two teens who don't think and have no jobs or futures...if you have any clout with her, I'd DIScourage it and say that you won't help her out if she does it, however that's what I would say...you have you take your own walk through GFGland. Does she have any plans after she graduates high school? Is she going to graduate? Does she have a part-time job now? Is she in any way on the way to becoming a responible young woman? I have an almost eighteen year old who is VERY responsible and on her way. I had a very irresponsible eighteen year old who took drugs and partied and eventually had to leave the house. There is a huge difference. I think therapy may help you handle the herpes issue and get over it. Wallowing in shame, which is unecessary, will not help your daughter and will hurt you and your health. A lot of people have herpes...just that most of the time their parents don't know. It is not your fault and if it were my daughter I would not want to emphasize a shame aspect, even indirectly, I would be more apt to write down the names of doctors who can treat it. Since she is going to be legal in a year, I think (and it's just my opinion) that you should start preparing her for life as an adult. Because in the eyes of the law she will be one. You also do need to de-stress or you will be useless to her and, worse, to yourself and to your other loved ones and friends. But I know you are early in this journey. When you are ready, you will know and you can hop over to Parent Emeritus and see how we handle these types of grown children. Trust me, you will have a lot of company!!!! And you will see the methods we have used to survive with a out-of-control adult child. Many hugs. [/QUOTE]
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