My Story

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by MomOfTwoBoys, Dec 22, 2016.

  1. MomOfTwoBoys

    MomOfTwoBoys New Member

    I would like to induced myself I have two boys, one is 21 and is a great kid, he has a great head on his shoulders, he is a junior at a big ten school, and my youngest son is 18. He is smart but unmotivated. He was a senior and as of earlier this month quit school because of lack of motivation in the mornings to get up for his classes.
    We moved to a different town to be closer to my husband's work and the opportunity for my son to play competitive baseball this was when he was in 8th grade. He played ever since he was 4, he was left handed pitcher and first baseman. He was/is extremely talented. He made the 8th grade team but, the coach told him don't think you will play in the infield. He already had his favorites on the the team, and my son knew this, but he still gave his all. That year he only played a few times infield. It was hard to watch him lose the love of the game because of such a bad coach. The high school coaches knew how talented he was and could not wait to have him.
    We started to see changes in around that time, He was becoming more irritable and lack of self esteem. When he was in middle school he got into trouble a couple of times but nothing horrible. He started high school and his grades started to drop, habitually late for school and then he would refuse to go to class at all.
    This has been every year for the past 3 1/2 years. He failed so many classes his freshmen year that he only had 7 credits. I was always in contact with the school to let them know when he refused to go. I was told not to call him in. Let him get the unexcused absence and that way they could discipline him with ISS. Need less to say that never worked. He always repeated the same behavior. We always gave him consequences here at home. Again, never worked. He takes no responsibly for anything he does. A couple of summers back, We were on vacation and he admitted he smoke pot, my husband said we can not "stop" you, but you are not to smoke it in the house or on our premises. We took in his best friend because he had no place to go, his mother was a meth-addict. So, he had a couple of buddies over, it was about 4 or 5 in the afternoon and my husband and I were working outside. Well, my husband smelled pot on the side of the house. We told his one buddy he needed to go, he said that my son told him that we were cool with him smokin it. SMH! Really! We sent that kid home and told him to never come back. My son's best friend is now living with us at this point. We are taking care of him completely I sign him up for high school and we are paying for everything. Basically being this kids parents, we received zero help for this boys family. Said friend said he will make good grades and go to school everyday and he and my son would help motivate each other. Lets just say that never happened. By spring break I kicked his best friend out. They smoked pot and cigarettes in their bedrooms, my carpet is damaged I have damaged screens and walls. No care for our property. We have tried to talk to them. No respect! They also during this time had another friend stay for a few days and I went though the kids book-bag and found MOLLY! What the hell! And he tried to tell me it was his "headache medicine" Whatever, I am not stupid. I found out later the kid was pissed because I got rid of all his MOLLY.
    My son has become violent towards me if I try to take his stuff as a punishment. My son has cuss me out a lot. I know it is the pot doing this to him. I told him I believe he has an addiction and he said he does not do it all the time. I told him if you do it as much as I know he does it is a problem. He keeps smoking in his room after multi times telling him not to we can smell it in the house. He said he does not do it in the house we know he is lying we smell it though the vents and he puts a towel in front of his door. Like I said in beginning he quit school at the beginning of this month, They told him if he would just do a few things he could graduate in 3weeks, Guess what road he choose. Now he said he is going to get his GED. We did give him a deadline as of January 31st. He was doing wielding classes. And he was doing great at it. Problem was that he was always late or did not show up. So, that is toast for now.
    Earlier this week we smelled pot again coming out of his room and we confronted him about it and he said " Sorry" no, I am sick of hearing sorry. Stop doing it in my house! I was done so I told him to get out. I think he thought is was a joke. He finally left. About an hour later, his "best friend" text me and said "it is 12 degrees out he will freeze to death. I was blown away with that comment. Keep in mind this is coming from the same kid we took in for almost a year. I think it is funny when my son need a place to crash for a few days NONE of his "friends" helped. He is back home for now. He said he does not have any friends, and I am thinking maybe he right. They only are his friends when they need/want something, never the other way around.
    We love him with all our heart and want what is best for him. I hope that some day he will realize we always have had his best interests at heart.
  2. JaneBetty

    JaneBetty Active Member

    Momoftwoboys, there will be other mothers of sons who will chime in with helpful advice and empathy. I have a wayward daughter with different issues and found great help here.

    My heart goes out to you, you both sound like terrific, generous parents.

    Keep posting.
  3. MomOfTwoBoys

    MomOfTwoBoys New Member

    Thank you so much! I am so glad I found this! I need to find this.
  4. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    Depending on how long he's been smoking pot, it may have killed his motivation in life. Even if he's not physically addicted, it seems he has a compulsion to use it. Without a desire to stop, rehab and 12-step meetings wouldn't help. Therapy might help if he's using pot to help him cope with anxiety, depression, etc.

    As for getting his GED, some of my students have done the online high school programs, which were designed for kids with attendance problems and lack of motivation, etc. Only half of my students actually completed the online diploma programs. As a teacher, it is very frustrating for me to watch these kids piss their lives away.
  5. MomOfTwoBoys

    MomOfTwoBoys New Member

    I would say very heavy for the past two years. Probably every day how much I do not know. :(
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If his friends use stuff like Molly (If this is not another name for pot) then your son is probably more involved with drugs than you know. My daughter used drugs too and it wasn't until she quit and told all that we learned (and were shocked) at the array of drugs shed used. We thought it was mostly pot.

    My daughter knew better than to smoke pot at home. I called the cops on her once. Nobody, not even my beloved daughter, breaks the law in my house without consequences. By the time we found out it was more than pot, we made her leave and she quit, even cigarettes.

    I am not surprised nobody took in your son. Most people don't want to deal with others problem adult children or teens. I don't think it was a good idea for you to take in those other kids. I was a foster mother and adopted three kids, but my daughter's drug friends were not allowed on the property, much less in my house. They stayed away. I was mean mom. I'd call the cops if they were near me and most of her friends used illegal drugs...they did not want the cops around them so they didn't come over.

    We also cut off her money completely so at least she got a job. And she did graduate. So once she quit she took out a loan and went to a two year college. I am really proud of her. But she hated me when I made her leave. Seems now like it never happened. We are so close.

    You have to decide what you can deal with. I had young kids (my youngest daughter is now at school for Criminal justice) and I didn't want the younger kids to see this and think we allowed it quietly. I think we would have made her leave regardless. She was getting worse under our roof. And her drama controlled our lives. Not acceptable to us.

    I am sorry you are going through this. It's not fun. They are intolerable when using drugs. You have my empathy.
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2016
  7. MomOfTwoBoys

    MomOfTwoBoys New Member

    MOLLY is a pill... in a clear capsule with white stuff inside it. And thank God that one boy is history. I do not aloud any of his friends here. They are not welcome.
  8. Molly is ecstasy....
  9. MomOfTwoBoys

    MomOfTwoBoys New Member

    That is it! Thank you!
  10. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    "Molly" is NOT another name for pot. It is the active ingredient in Ecstasy without the fillers and binders. It is sold as a powder and is most often snorted.

    Ecstacy in tablet form is falling off in popularity (by the way: it is often called "rolls" these days, and being high on E or molly is referred to as "rolling".) due to the fact that much of it is heavily adultrated, quite often with methamphetamine.

    Molly is easily available on the Darknet and is fairly inexpensive. It is also usually stronger than ecstacy.

    Interestingly the active chemical is currently being tested (and showing good results) in the treatment of PTSD and other mental health issues.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry you are going through this. It is horrible to be the parent of a substance abuser and not know what to do. Especially when you are aware that what they are doing is both dangerous and is destroying their dreams.

    I know it was hard, especially in cold weather, to make him leave. It was hard to see those texts from his friends. Please know that if he had friends to send texts, he had friends to stay with. Learning how to cope with all of this is not easy. It can be easier if you have support. Have you considered going to Narcanon or Alanon? Their family support groups provide in person support that we cannot here. Of COURSE we want you to be here also!!!! I just mean that the in person support might be helpful in addition to us. We will always be here for you, but sometimes you need someone in the real world also.

    One thing I find interesting about having family actively participate in alanon or narcanon family groups is how much having even one family member actively participate in the group means to the recovery of the addict and the entire family. I say the entire family because the entire family is ill, the entire family learned new and unhealthy ways of coping and living with addiction and needs help, just as if they caught the flu from each other. If school had told you that attending a meeting for one hour a week could raise your son's grade from a 60% to a 90%, would you have done it? Because that is the amount that some studies have claimed that having a parent or family member involved in alanon or narcanon can increase the chances that the family will eventually became healthy. I say eventually because this isn't a magic bullet and it doesn't take place in a grading period. It can take years for your son to WANT to get clean and then do it. You can learn how to make it easier for him to want to get clean, harder for him to keep using. You can learn many of these things in alanon and narcanon, and here.

    I hope something I said helps, or at least makes you feel a little less alone. So far I have not had a child with a sub abuse issue, but I have a sibling with one, and his ex has one, and many more relatives have them. So I understand many of the problems. I am so sorry you have to understand these problems!

    Please take any little bits of information that help you, and ignore any information that is not helpful. Even though I typed a lot of info, I won't be upset AT ALL if it isn't helpful and you ignore it. I promise.

  12. MomOfTwoBoys

    MomOfTwoBoys New Member

    Thank you! I have never heard of either one of those support groups. He he has done so counseling than starting refusing to go. They said he had ADD... I do not believe that. Things did not add up. My mother was a hypochondriac and was highly addicted to pain medications. She died about a year-and-a-half before he was born. And at the end she was drinking alcohol with her medications. My husband's grandfather used to be an alcoholic my husband and I and our siblings do not have substance abuse problems and never have. I would have never thought in a million years that we would be going through this with our child especially not having anything like that in the house. My husband is in the medical field and he deals with drug Seekers quite a bit. It is so hard to watch your own child go down this road. Believing he has no problem. " it is no big deal" his words. I am thankful I found this group, I never post any real personal stuff on fb. Only my closest love ones know what is really going on and know the dirty deals. I will diffantly look into those groups.