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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 729965" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Thanks Tired Mama, yep seems we are pretty much in the same boat. My son is dual diagnosis from the times at the rehabs. In my son's case it seems he thinks working is cruel and unusual punishment after a couple of months at each job. Like any job he has is the hardest thing on earth to do. He doesn’t look far enough around him to realize everyone else is working and he’s getting the benefit of their labor by them “helping” him. </p><p></p><p>I’m on the fence with NAMI from past experience with them from many years ago. I’ve read the article a few times and the book too. I’m a recovering co-dependent, have been for a while. I don’t jump in to help anyone who doesn’t ask for help anymore, that was years ago. And when anyone other than my son asks I’m now good at looking at the whole picture and will only do something if it will actually help them and is not too much for me. In my son’s case he has gotten away with a lot with me by putting himself in a worse situation than the one he was in when he first asks for help. It’s like he figures he will show me if I don’t do something for him, he will make his situation worse so I’m forced to help him. As if it hurts me and not him, which is most likely actually true. Now that I recognize that maneuver I’m not falling for it. He made it so he was homeless, with lots of work on his part, so no matter what he says I figure he wants to be homeless. The bipolar verses what can he really do for himself issue has always led me to decide I have to do for him because of the bipolar. But he is at a point in his life where manic or not, he is the only one who can help him. It’s really hard. Currently I won’t even speak to him. One of the conditions for me to drop the temporary restraining order is he is not to call me but only call my significant other, who is about the most stoic and calm person I know. He still calls me but I don’t answer the phone, then after a long phone blast session he calls my significant other if it’s something other than to tell me off. I know I would not be able to handle this situation with him bouncing around with the mental health organization and social services putting him up for a few nights and telling him to hold on for a bit, wherever, because he has long term housing coming, maybe. Now because I have the chance to not react to him and have someone else to talk to to decide what if anything I should do it’s so much easier on me to hold off from rescuing him.</p><p></p><p>I know he doesn’t understand what he’s doing with the stories he’s been making up. And if he’s the same as his father when he’s been manic in the past once he’s stable he will deny even doing what he’s doing right now. His father doesn’t remember the nasty things he’s said to and about me when he was manic, like it was an emotional tsunami that’s probably for the best they don’t remember. When his father was his age and was manic he thought his mother was the devil and he decided he was going to kill her. His father is not violent at all. When this happened the father’s brother and cousins tackled him, threw him in a car and had him committed to the local hospital for three weeks. That was back in the day before hippa, and “Debbie from the insurance company” got to decide if and how much someone needed mental health care. His father only knows he decided his mother was the devil because the relatives told him so, he does not remember it. I’m very sure it didn’t happen in a day, it was more like what I’m going through with my son, the mania building up as he deals with someone who he doesn’t want to listen to telling him he’s not acting right and to get help and who in his mind is just making his life harder. I know people do believe him because he’s pretty darn articulate and from what a couple of people who know reality have told me he sounds so believable it frightens them for me. All I care about though is that the people who can have some positive impact on him know the truth and try to guide him in the right direction. Other than the local police surprisingly, it seems the people who do count know the real situation. If someone here to worries that I might not be taking my safety as seriously as I should, it’s okay. My significant other stayed at my house until the court was dealt with. I took off out of state, to a much nicer climate, the day the restraining order was lifted, and have not returned yet. I’m working on have my security cameras upgraded to an actual security system that will alert the police if someone tries to enter my home. And I have people on the lookout who know where my son is and others who are in my neighborhood to keep an eye on my house. For now I’m covered as much as I can be other than moving.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 729965, member: 22840"] Thanks Tired Mama, yep seems we are pretty much in the same boat. My son is dual diagnosis from the times at the rehabs. In my son's case it seems he thinks working is cruel and unusual punishment after a couple of months at each job. Like any job he has is the hardest thing on earth to do. He doesn’t look far enough around him to realize everyone else is working and he’s getting the benefit of their labor by them “helping” him. I’m on the fence with NAMI from past experience with them from many years ago. I’ve read the article a few times and the book too. I’m a recovering co-dependent, have been for a while. I don’t jump in to help anyone who doesn’t ask for help anymore, that was years ago. And when anyone other than my son asks I’m now good at looking at the whole picture and will only do something if it will actually help them and is not too much for me. In my son’s case he has gotten away with a lot with me by putting himself in a worse situation than the one he was in when he first asks for help. It’s like he figures he will show me if I don’t do something for him, he will make his situation worse so I’m forced to help him. As if it hurts me and not him, which is most likely actually true. Now that I recognize that maneuver I’m not falling for it. He made it so he was homeless, with lots of work on his part, so no matter what he says I figure he wants to be homeless. The bipolar verses what can he really do for himself issue has always led me to decide I have to do for him because of the bipolar. But he is at a point in his life where manic or not, he is the only one who can help him. It’s really hard. Currently I won’t even speak to him. One of the conditions for me to drop the temporary restraining order is he is not to call me but only call my significant other, who is about the most stoic and calm person I know. He still calls me but I don’t answer the phone, then after a long phone blast session he calls my significant other if it’s something other than to tell me off. I know I would not be able to handle this situation with him bouncing around with the mental health organization and social services putting him up for a few nights and telling him to hold on for a bit, wherever, because he has long term housing coming, maybe. Now because I have the chance to not react to him and have someone else to talk to to decide what if anything I should do it’s so much easier on me to hold off from rescuing him. I know he doesn’t understand what he’s doing with the stories he’s been making up. And if he’s the same as his father when he’s been manic in the past once he’s stable he will deny even doing what he’s doing right now. His father doesn’t remember the nasty things he’s said to and about me when he was manic, like it was an emotional tsunami that’s probably for the best they don’t remember. When his father was his age and was manic he thought his mother was the devil and he decided he was going to kill her. His father is not violent at all. When this happened the father’s brother and cousins tackled him, threw him in a car and had him committed to the local hospital for three weeks. That was back in the day before hippa, and “Debbie from the insurance company” got to decide if and how much someone needed mental health care. His father only knows he decided his mother was the devil because the relatives told him so, he does not remember it. I’m very sure it didn’t happen in a day, it was more like what I’m going through with my son, the mania building up as he deals with someone who he doesn’t want to listen to telling him he’s not acting right and to get help and who in his mind is just making his life harder. I know people do believe him because he’s pretty darn articulate and from what a couple of people who know reality have told me he sounds so believable it frightens them for me. All I care about though is that the people who can have some positive impact on him know the truth and try to guide him in the right direction. Other than the local police surprisingly, it seems the people who do count know the real situation. If someone here to worries that I might not be taking my safety as seriously as I should, it’s okay. My significant other stayed at my house until the court was dealt with. I took off out of state, to a much nicer climate, the day the restraining order was lifted, and have not returned yet. I’m working on have my security cameras upgraded to an actual security system that will alert the police if someone tries to enter my home. And I have people on the lookout who know where my son is and others who are in my neighborhood to keep an eye on my house. For now I’m covered as much as I can be other than moving. [/QUOTE]
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