My stress and anxiety

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by klmno, Mar 11, 2010.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    levels are going thru the roof. I met all morning with the iep team at the Department of Juvenile Justice sd yesterday to do the eligibility review and recommendations that will be forwarded to the next school. They won't tell us what school (mainstream or not) difficult child will be going to until we meet with the hearing officer a week from Monday- then they will need difficult child to start right away. The schools have different hours, schedule structures, etc. I'm not one to handle surprise situations or waiting til the last minute to find out what we are dealing with, but I thought I was handling this part well enough. Of course, there will be an iep meeting soon after all that.

    Then, the PO called and says he does need to see me before difficult child's release date- and I need to still take difficult child directly to his office after going thru the paperwork at Department of Juvenile Justice to get difficult child relased. Ok, fine.

    Then yesterday I get a call from the company that will be doing the mentoring. They wanted to meet the afternoon difficult child gets released. I said no- we already had enough to deal with that day. They started with the "well, this is what PO ordered and they need to discsuss terms with me and establish a schedule and they need to spend min 7 hours per week with difficult child, most of which has to be done during the week". I asked a couple of general questions and yep, of course, this is just another behavior mod thingy. I knew it would turn out that way- no matter what they call it, anything ordered/paid for thru court services is behavior mod. I started asking more specifics about exxactly what would be expected and so forth and they said they help difficult child transition back into community and school. I asked specifically how and told them that this sounded like too many hours during the week to me if they expected difficult child to get homework done and not be up half the night. They said they make sure difficult child does his homework. Great! Do you help him or work thru it with him? Oh no- they just make sure he understands that he needs to do it. Then what exactly do they do to help him transition into school? Oh they help with that. Well, I don't see how- you aren't on the iep team, you won't be at school, you don't help with homework. So what exactly do you do that is anything more than behavior mod? We'll work all that out when we meet and decidde on a schedule- can we do that a few hours after you get home with difficult child? No.

    I called PO- we have a problem. I relay what they said and told him this does not sound like mentoring to me and I am not signing anything to commit to something until I know the specifics. We had a year to talk about this stuff and I tried to talk to him about these things and I'm feeling completely overwhelmed with everyone wanting to wait until difficult child gets released then slam us with all their various requirements without even telling us ahead of time of what they are going to be. He said they were there to help. Yeah right- well then help releive stress and anxiety, not cause us more (which by the way, a first happened yesterday- there were 2 other people who stated in difficult child's iep mtg that his issues are stress and anxiety, on top of being a perfectionist). Well, they wouldn't ccause us more and they'll try to work around my schedule. HELLO! #1) them unlocking the gate and letting difficult child out is really enough to deal with in one day, but we have already said that we will come straight to meet with you(PO)) after all that process of Department of Juvenile Justice stuff- that's enough for that day- I'll be taking my son home after that and we need some time alone together. #2) I can't commit to any schedule when I don't even know which school he'll be going to or their hours or which nights of the week difficult child will be slammed with homework (they have different classes on alternate days in one of these schookls- I have no idea about the other).

    I don't do well backed in a corner. He tried to calm me down because I was stressing so much and trying to get him to see that throwing everything at us in one day is too much and it's all the orders and requirements that contribute to the problem at hoome between difficult child and I and ultimately effects other areas of his life until he flips out. PO said for me to just prepare for difficult child coming home and he'll deal with this company and if all they do is a behavior contract and they don't help with homework, etc, that he'll fire them and get another co. Can these PO's really not know that these comapanies are throwing out buzz words but they all do the same thing when it's court services funding paying them?

    I guess we'll be talking about it tomorrow. But I decided that I'm not meeting with anyone else pertaining to difficult child until the Friday of the following week. I have no choice- the people I'm doing work for want me stopping by their office more often. Thurs will be eaten up with difficult child's release. Monday will be meetings with school. We won't have a clue of what life will really be like until difficult child goes that week to school so I can't commit to anything else- I'll go by the employer's office on Fri after difficult child's released and be willing to meet the mentor the following Friday after difficult child gets home from school.

    Sorry so long...I'm just tired of the stress they create by handling things this way. There's no reason the HO can't go ahead and tell us next week what school difficult child will be going to but I'm guessing they have to make the kid feel like they are lucky to get accepted back, hear all their warnings (threats) and make it as dramatic as possible. I heard from another parent that you basicly have to go beg and then see how it goes.

    We could have a major problem tomorrow though if PO says I have to sign agreeing to this mentor under these circumstances- I'm not signing until they all understand- the "mentor" and working my schedule around him is about the least of my priorities and will not be committed to without me knowing their specific expectations. I have to work a certain amount of hours to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. Here we are right back where we were when difficult child left- right where PO assured me we wouldn't be.
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2010
  2. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    K- Breathe, hon.

    I know it's a lot of information and a lot of unknown in a short time frame. I hate that, too, and would be stressed out. In this situation, you just have to take it one day, one task, at a time. If you try to absorb it all and plan it all at's just too overwhelming. difficult child coming home alone is overwhelming enough. I know it is they that are throwing all of this at you, but just try to focus on one thing at a time.

    The PO does sound like he's trying to work with you. That's way, way, way more than difficult child 2 got. They dropped the ball on him in so many ways that they set him up for failure.

    (((hugs))) Wish I could offer more.