My time to go letter...what do you think?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, Mar 15, 2011.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Cory and Mandy, you know it is time -well past time, for you guys to find a place of your own. The agreement (which I really should have put in writing -my mistake), was for you to take until around the end of December, to save money to have enough for you two to get a good head start on a nice place of your own. All we asked was for $100 a month, some help with groceries off your food stamp card and help around the house. None of those things have happened every month.

    You havent saved a dime.

    It is time for you to find another place to live. After the the scene the other day over the pot, I simply cannot handle it anymore. It was thrown in my face for the last time. That will cease and desist as of now on my property.

    I am including a list of apartments I have located that you should contact. I have no idea about their rents or their qualifications. I am willing to help with first and last months rent or a deposit.

    You must have leads and at least an idea where you are moving by the middle or last week of April or I will start moving your items into a storage facility at that time, pay for a months rent ahead on that and at the beginning of May I will pay for a month for you and Mandy at a motel and from then on you will have to figure out what you are going to do after that. I suggest you really get on the ball instead of sleeping and playing poker.

    I’m sorry it has come to this but you have had quite a long time.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Sounds good except for one thing hon - a month at a motel?


    Their stuff can go into a storage unit. with one months' rent paid. But don't, don't, don't pay for a motel for a month.
  3. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I think you're being extremely generous, especially considering the situation! I sure wouldn't pay for a month in a motel either! And you're giving them six weeks to find a place and move?
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont mind the month...we do remember we are dealing with a pregnant girl and she is in school which will be ending around the time the motel time will be up. If we lived anywhere that had shelters I wouldnt be so generous but we have nothing. Zero, zip. we dont even have food pantries. Oh wait...I take that back. You can go get one bag every six months.
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Bravo on doing something about the situation and I, too, think you are being very, very generous....
  6. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Great letter!! You are being very generous, but you know, we all have to follow our own hearts and do what we can handle in these situations. What works for one, doesn't always work for another. You set the boundaries, now lets hope they leave peacefully and you can get your house and your life back.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Janet..................................will you be my new Mommy? Perty Please??:flirtysmile3:

    You are being super generous. mother in law was generous to a fault (literally) and I doubt she'd have offered that much.

    But you got to do what you can live with so when the time comes you can follow through. I totally get that. And major kuddos to you for taking a stand and ending this situation.

    Only thing I'd change? Put specific dates. It's a tad too wide open that way.

    And while you're booting.............any thoughts on Billy getting his own place? Sometimes it's easier to get it all done once you get the ball rolling if you know what I mean...........If Billy can hold a job and drive, he can learn to manage his own place. You might have to show him how to pay bills for a couple of months......but that would soooooo be worth having an empty nest.

  8. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    Personally I would have specific out date- you must be out of the house by May 1st, or whatever, and I wouldn't pay for a storage unit. I told Kat she had until a specific date to get her stuff and then I would sell or donate all of it. She got it prior to the date. With Kat I have to be very specific with no loopholes and I can't agree to pay for anything or she keeps upping the ante- if I paid for 1 month in a motel then I need to pay for the next month because xyz disaster occurred, which is why she can't pay for the next month. I literally have to cut her off from all financial support for her to do what she needs to do. And guess what? She ALWAYS figures it out and gets what she needs, but when I am doing it she has no motivation to do it for herself. And I went through with her both while she was pregnant and since she's had the baby.
  9. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I love that letter. They can't just sit there thinking this is the status quo. Everything you're offering is a hand up, not a hand-out. By living at your house, not doing a thing to better their own lives, with 2 kids to think about now, that is a hand-out. They're too old to act this. You know the reality, your limitations are very generous and you can sleep guilt-free.
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree you're being *extremely* generous. I think it's a great letter, though... stay strong!
  11. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I agree very generous.... also agree about a specific date. I understand about the months rent at a motel. My suggestion would be to pick a specific motel (hopefully kind of a dive) that you will pay for.... don't want them thinking they get a month at the Hilton. Let us know how it goes.
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I agree about putting specific dates, and I also think you're being very generous.

    Maybe make a copy (with names changed, of course) for Billy? I'm enjoying our empty nest so much that I'm not really looking forward to summer, when Miss KT will be home!
  13. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    Wow. Now I kinda feel bad...I just told mine, on a Weds evening, that he had to find another place to live by the weekend! And I did kick in part of the first month's rent, but I didn't look for anything for him, and he paid the deposit - with a bad check, but hey, can't have everything, right?

    I think it's a good letter, and you know your kids best, and it's your call as to how and how much you help.
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have a feeling we wont have to use the storage facility anyway so that wont be an issue anyway. I found some run down but not as run down as his first place trailers today while I was out pricing HVAC units for my place. I hadnt remembered them before and practically slapped myself on the forehead for not thinking of them As I drove by I noticed several that were empty. Certainly not nice places but not unlivable either. I am going to go find a number tomorrow while I am out at a doctor appointment. I will give Cory two weeks to call the other apts and if he doesnt find anything else, I will go put the deposit down on one of the trailers.

    You just dont know how badly I want my two bedrooms back that they have use of right now. Seriously.

    As far as Billy goes...well...right now we are in a holding pattern because we think they are going to offer him a manager's job at one of the Radio Shacks here. We are hoping it is the one closest to him. Suddenly 2 stores have come open for managers. The one he is currently working at, the one he was working at prior to transferring to the place he is now. Both his current and former manager have told the district manager that they feel he would be good at the job even though they never sent him through the manager training program. He has certainly learned it on the job considering both of them left him in charge several times for weeks on end. If he gets the manager's position, he will make at least 600 more a month than he does now just in base salary not counting commissions. Also his girlfriend should be moving down here in a few months. They plan on getting their own place together. She has no intention on moving in with us. I have no doubt that Billy will be out within at least 4 to 5 months.
  15. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Did you give them the letter??