As per my intro thread, I have a 26 year old daughter, B, who, as far as we were aware, was happy and living with her boyfriend. She is from a previous relationship but was brought up from the age of 22 months by my now husband. I left her father as he was abusive to me and on one occasion kicked he, that's when I left.
Recently she has become more and more distant and visiting less and less. When she visits she is snappy and generally not very nice. She hates her 22 year old sister, why, we don't know.
It all come to a head recently when she announced her engagement to he boyfriend. She didn't visit or call on mothers day but turned up 2 weeks later, handed me a small gift and then said she was engaged. I congratulated her, done all the usual, looked at her ring ect. I was trying to be pleased but this is her third engagement and we don't like her boyfriend. He is 11 years older than her and is rude and arrogant.
Anyway that was that, she left, things were amicable but there is always a tension in the air when she visits.
A few days later my 22 year old contacted me to say her sister had sent her a message asking if she knew she was engaged. D, the 22 year old, had not responded when she had got a message from B. D told her she did know. B then asked her why she hadn't congratulated her but in a more aggressive way. D, who doesn't like arguments, she has aspergers, asked me what to say. I told her that she could just say she forgot and apologise, or she could say how she was feeling about the way B and her boyfriend treat her and get it out and have a discussion about it. So D decided to say what was on her mind. She told her that her boyfriend was rude and spiteful to her and that she,B, let him get away with it. This started a big argument and B told D that the reason her boyfriend didn't like her family was because she had told him how she was treated when she was growing up. This prompted my 3rd daughter, S, to get involved as she was upset at how B was talking to D. This went on for a while, all over text messages back and fourth. I was going to ring B to try and calm things down but S pointed out that I should keep out of it as it was just between the sisters and I would end up losing contact with B if I was involved.
Then, I received a message from B saying that she hoped I was enjoying talking about her and what a bad person she was because it was all y fault as I had messed her up. She said I was her dirty little secret that no one ever talked about (referring to her not having the same father as the others) and that I never understood her. She also said she felt she had to do everything for herself and look after D and S as I couldn't cope. She said she had to take her sisters to school and make their lunch.
Now comes the crunch. None of what she says is true. Everyone knew she had a different father except her siblings as she didn't want them to know, I left that decision up to her and he said she didn't want me to tell them as they would tell people at school. So she was her own dirty little secret, if anything it was the fact I had had her with anther man that she kept hidden. As for taking her sisters t school, she never did. I would take them or their father. On the odd occasion, if I was ill and their father at work, they may have walked with the lady and her children next door. She did make their lunch on the odd occasion as did D, but they were 13/14 years old and that was their only chore. I was badly treated as a child so I refused to force my children to do any chores, my theory was that they would do things to help me if they wanted to. Bs whole way she sees her childhood is untrue. I have asked friends and family and they are all astounded at these accusations as they all said I was a very capable mother and admired the way B was treated the same as the others, so much so they didn't really see her as not being my husbands child. They have all said she has something wrong with her and it's not me who is to blame.
But what should I do? I know she has used cocaine but not how much. I am trying to find a mental illness that fits her delusions. With our family history of mental health issues, aspergers, ADHD, ODD separation anxiety disorder (none of these are my Bs diagnosis's) I am thinking we may have missed her issues or something has started in later life. I have had no contact with her for over 2 months now.
Sorry this is so long but I have to explain things clearly. If you have reached the end, well done and thank you for taking the time.
I will now go and write my 19 year old daughters thread.
Recently she has become more and more distant and visiting less and less. When she visits she is snappy and generally not very nice. She hates her 22 year old sister, why, we don't know.
It all come to a head recently when she announced her engagement to he boyfriend. She didn't visit or call on mothers day but turned up 2 weeks later, handed me a small gift and then said she was engaged. I congratulated her, done all the usual, looked at her ring ect. I was trying to be pleased but this is her third engagement and we don't like her boyfriend. He is 11 years older than her and is rude and arrogant.
Anyway that was that, she left, things were amicable but there is always a tension in the air when she visits.
A few days later my 22 year old contacted me to say her sister had sent her a message asking if she knew she was engaged. D, the 22 year old, had not responded when she had got a message from B. D told her she did know. B then asked her why she hadn't congratulated her but in a more aggressive way. D, who doesn't like arguments, she has aspergers, asked me what to say. I told her that she could just say she forgot and apologise, or she could say how she was feeling about the way B and her boyfriend treat her and get it out and have a discussion about it. So D decided to say what was on her mind. She told her that her boyfriend was rude and spiteful to her and that she,B, let him get away with it. This started a big argument and B told D that the reason her boyfriend didn't like her family was because she had told him how she was treated when she was growing up. This prompted my 3rd daughter, S, to get involved as she was upset at how B was talking to D. This went on for a while, all over text messages back and fourth. I was going to ring B to try and calm things down but S pointed out that I should keep out of it as it was just between the sisters and I would end up losing contact with B if I was involved.
Then, I received a message from B saying that she hoped I was enjoying talking about her and what a bad person she was because it was all y fault as I had messed her up. She said I was her dirty little secret that no one ever talked about (referring to her not having the same father as the others) and that I never understood her. She also said she felt she had to do everything for herself and look after D and S as I couldn't cope. She said she had to take her sisters to school and make their lunch.
Now comes the crunch. None of what she says is true. Everyone knew she had a different father except her siblings as she didn't want them to know, I left that decision up to her and he said she didn't want me to tell them as they would tell people at school. So she was her own dirty little secret, if anything it was the fact I had had her with anther man that she kept hidden. As for taking her sisters t school, she never did. I would take them or their father. On the odd occasion, if I was ill and their father at work, they may have walked with the lady and her children next door. She did make their lunch on the odd occasion as did D, but they were 13/14 years old and that was their only chore. I was badly treated as a child so I refused to force my children to do any chores, my theory was that they would do things to help me if they wanted to. Bs whole way she sees her childhood is untrue. I have asked friends and family and they are all astounded at these accusations as they all said I was a very capable mother and admired the way B was treated the same as the others, so much so they didn't really see her as not being my husbands child. They have all said she has something wrong with her and it's not me who is to blame.
But what should I do? I know she has used cocaine but not how much. I am trying to find a mental illness that fits her delusions. With our family history of mental health issues, aspergers, ADHD, ODD separation anxiety disorder (none of these are my Bs diagnosis's) I am thinking we may have missed her issues or something has started in later life. I have had no contact with her for over 2 months now.
Sorry this is so long but I have to explain things clearly. If you have reached the end, well done and thank you for taking the time.
I will now go and write my 19 year old daughters thread.
