My update...long...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by helpme, May 11, 2010.

  1. helpme

    helpme New Member

    I'm still sort of in shock of the last few weeks so I
    have been recollecting my thoughts about it all.

    Mother's Day event for youngest of everyone
    but difficult child 1 getting along for the day was canceled
    since middle had to work.

    Settlement hearing with STBX was last Monday.
    Me, him, & 2 lawyers. He has no job and no car.
    He informed the lawyers that he would not be
    returning to work until the divorce was finalized.

    I discussed middle's injury claim was not settled
    and that I wanted to be able to talk civilized with
    her before I made any decisions. It's only a grand,
    but of course she thinks it should be a million. Or
    that I stole her money.

    Everything went fine except for discussing the
    child support & legal fees. My number for CS was 17
    and legal fees of 10. His lawyer had CS arrears at
    4 and no legal fees. The lawyers advised us to meet privately
    and finish working it out, since we were so close.
    We agreed for Monday at 7.

    I called him on Friday to ask a few questions- difficult child 1's
    total legal fees until 19, and current legal fees/fines
    for now. I also wanted to know what agreement he
    or middle had made in regards to college tuition. He
    told me that the college expenses were known of my
    business and hung up on me.

    Ironically, middle called Friday to talk to youngest.
    She was very polite ($ orientated I guess). I offered
    to pay for a few college exam tests (up to a semester).
    We did not discuss the injury claim though.
    I summarized this as "progress"

    I called STBX again Sunday night to verify that he still
    did not want to have a meeting and he ended up
    hanging up on me again.

    My lawyer called on Monday and I told them the situation.
    Court has been scheduled for June 10. Yea!

    Monday afternoon, middle calls. I told her that I had other
    plans because her father had been hanging up on me, and
    she informed me that SHE did not cancel with me and that
    she called off of work, and that SHE did not like being
    treated like this. I thought, ok, I'll change things and
    you and your sister can eat and exchange some clothes.
    I also thought that if things went pleasant, that I could
    leave them alone for dinner and return after running close
    by errands to get youngest. Wrong thought process!

    Now remember, I haven't been alone with her since last
    summer when she alleged that I slapped her. But, I was
    thinking that she was coming alone.

    Wrong! STBX comes along and the whole situation gets
    wiggly wierd.

    First things first, STBX tosses a blank envelope in front of me,
    in front of the girls and says that is his final offer, take it
    or leave it. I did not open the "offer". Youngest wanted
    to see this later and it was a big argument when I told her
    it was none of her business.

    Second, a quick trip to the bathroom by the girls brings back
    an argument of middle insisting that difficult child 1 did not call me.
    Youngest is saying oh yea he did. Middle says someone,
    looking at me, is lying to you. I said no, he did call. She
    turned to her father and he said yes, on difficult child's birthday.
    I said no, the day before. Middle gets upset and tells dad
    that no one told her. She asks what he said.

    I said one that it sounds like he is homeless, and dad agreed.
    Dad stated he is an adult and that youngest can do the same
    when she is older. I also said that we discussed middle too,
    she got even angrier. I said that he didn't sound very
    appreciative to her loaning him money and defending him
    She says what are you talking about. I say well you did loan
    him money didn't you? She says dead faced-NO. I said $95,
    she said NO. Dad then states yes you did, and I (meaning
    him was the one that paid you back- $30, $35, and $30.
    She says oh yea that. Youngest and I look at each other
    in shock. She says that Jeff is a good brother to her and
    I tell her that her brother does not sound happy about
    their relationship and seems angry at it. She disagrees.

    I said, do you all even talk to each other or what.
    It seems like none of you know anything about each
    other. Dad says, well they are adults now. And YOUR
    order of protection makes it difficult.


    So in conclusion,

    I think difficult child 1 is mad that middle is getting all the attention.

    I think Middle is loving all the attention and drama.

    I'm told Middle is supposed to be going to college in Aug.

    Dad has no clue what Middle or difficult child 1 is up to for the most part.

    I probably should have walked out of dinner since I felt
    ambushed, but youngest was too happy to see her sister.
    I don't think its a good idea to let middle "run the show"
    with these sorta visitations and then leave and dad won't
    make any efforts to see youngest. I don't think its a good
    idea to trust middle.

    Youngest, who is very independent, seems to enjoy quick
    updates on the "fam-damily" and doesn't really seem to want
    them in "her life" as she says it. But as her mom, I do think
    that she is very confused about her dad and how he deals
    with each kid so differently.

    I think I am learning to accept that Middle is way more
    manipulative than I thought It is still her opinion that I
    should lose custody of her sister to her father (the
    June 10th date is a custody hearing as well for both girls).
    It is also her decision to request that the Order of Protection
    be rescinded for her once she turns 18.

    But with the request to rescind is a full review of the OP.
    Since she is denying that anything ever occurred. I bet
    the June 10th date will be rescheduled to July, since her
    birthday is the end of June. Imagine the court battle!

    I have a new plan to deal with the next phone call, don't
    answer! I've also decided that if I have to answer or get
    caught answering, that I will only be agreeing to no more
    than 3 more of these ordeals, once a month is enough,
    for no more than an HOUR!

    See I miss middle a lot. But she's not the same middle.
    So go off to school middle one, live the life you are destined
    to live. Go onward difficult child 1, choose your path and deal with
    the consequences. Go away STBX, you don't even know
    how to raise, supervise, or support our children, NOR do I
    want to go through all of this again with youngest.

    Just leave us in peace, Pulease, Pulease, Pulease.
  2. Bean

    Bean Member

    Yikes hon. You sure do have a lot going on. Hope you can find some of that peace today.