Hey everyone, long time lurker, first time poster. I've been with my wife for 3.5 years and we just got married last month. Pretty much during that whole time her daughter has been a complete disaster which I can only say is typical of a lot of the stories I read here. She's 22 now but apparently the downward spiral started to hit when she was around 16. Many, many long stories made short: Started with cocaine, moved to meth and heroin, she' currently in rehab so we'll see how that goes, I predict not well in the long run. In and out of jail for a variety of things including drug possession, parole violations, theft, etc. Treat's us, and in particular, my wife like absolute dogshit. Yelling, calling her a , blaming her for her problems even though we've done what we can to "help" which is really just fancy talk for enabling her. Right now she's living with her dad after coming back from another state and ever since she's gotten back my wife has been on a downward spiral from the stress even though she hasn't seen her. Her daughter, amazingly enough to me, has been clean for I think about 6 months now so I'm pretty happy about that. BUT, the shitty behavior continues. Whenever they get into an argument my wife then decides it's time to take out all of her frustration and anger out on me which I have had enough of and I told her that yesterday as well. My wife got into an argument with her the other day and ever since she's been a wreck. This is when she got called a by her daughter for telling her she shouldn't be driving an uninsured car she doesn't own with no license. We provide her an older cell phone on our plan which I'm inclined to turn off at this point and she's on my health insurance so in the event she decides to get serious then she'll be covered until she's 26. It doesn't cost me anything extra so I'm OK having her on there. So last night after she got home she broke down again because she was so sad and started going on about why everyone in her life just wants to make her miserable. She comes from a pretty messed up family but we've successfully erected some pretty good boundaries with everyone. Her daughter is the exception though we have put some boundaries in place there too, but emotionally she still has a huge influence on her. She always blames the people she hangs around as the reason she's such an all time. So now with that being said, I finally told her last night that it's not the people she hangs around with that drags her down, it's HER! If it isn't this guy, it's some other guy or some other group of friends. I told her she's not the same person she used to be or the person you're hanging on to. I flat out told her that her daughter is a shitty person just because she's a shitty person, it's all on her. This of course made her cry more but I felt like it needed to be said. She said I'll never understand, etc, etc. Basically she has the "but my kid is the exception" attitude and all she needs to do is stop hanging around all these other shitty people and then she'll be fine, which of course is just her lying to herself. I guess what I'm looking for is any advice when dealing with a spouse that won't see things for what they are? Any success stories? Books or articles to read? I'm kind of at the end of my rope. Tonight I'm going to tell her that I'm no longer going to let her kid drag me down and I'm not going to let her negative emotions toward her kid do that either. I'm almost 40 and I want to enjoy the rest of my life, not get dragged through the mud because of her abusive kid. I'm going to tell her that I'm moving forward with my life and I'm going to be happy and if she wants to join me on planet happy then I'd love to have her. If not then we'll just be married until all this eventually destroys us if she can't or won't get help for herself. Thanks for the input everyone.