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My "wonderful" weekend and suicidal ideation
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 637032" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>Oh MWM...I am so sorry your weekend went like it did and you are in this state...but life after 60 is DEFINITELY worth living! I wish I had tons of reasons, but all I can say is this...I truly believe every day is a blessing...even the bad ones. I believe that ending you life before its time is a waste, foolish, and frankly (I'm so sorry but I don't know how else to put this) selfish. 36 is NOT your only child. You have a husband who loves you. You finally have your older daughter back and a wonderful granddaughter. You have Sonic. You have a younger daughter who loves you and calls on you when she's down. Jumper <em>needs </em>you and <em>not </em>just when times are bad. My own mother died suddenly at 60. I was 23. My father died shortly thereafter - as many do when they've had long-term marriages. I miss my dad, but he was dad. Mom's are different and I miss her <em>every single day of my life! </em>When I graduated law school, my dad and my aunts were there...but I was so sad because she was not. When I passed the bar, I had no one to celebrate with. When my son was born I cried, not tears of joy, but because my mother was not there. Every joy in my life has been touched with sorrow for the last 27 simply because I cannot share it with her. I'm 50 years old now. You say your own mother rejected you. What is suicide if not rejection...of not just living but of living with them. I'm sure you wish you had the relationship with her you now have with your own daughters. As I write this I have tears, thinking of anyone intentionally causing their own family that sorrow. </p><p></p><p>by the way, you husband and children are NOT the only ones who would miss you. Your life touches more people than you realize. I don't know your social circle...but you help people every day by posting on this forum. You have helped me. You would be missed. </p><p></p><p>But I realize that the guilt of leaving is not the same as a reason to live. And if sharing all the joy another person will have is not enough, there is joy to be had for yourself. Watching Jumper grow and prosper will be a joy. Watching your granddaughter grow up and seeing all those milestones. More importantly, YOU will have your own joys! You will have sunrises and sunsets and spring times and Christmas and PEACE. It's there! You know it is. </p><p></p><p>Life is not easy. I know this. Your life has not been easy. But it is not over. There is so much good to be seen and to have and to do. Please, please, concentrate on the good in your life. As corny as it sounds, count your blessings. You have them. Start with your family, your health, your friends, and continue on. You have more than you know. </p><p></p><p>Sending you warm hugs and much love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 637032, member: 17309"] Oh MWM...I am so sorry your weekend went like it did and you are in this state...but life after 60 is DEFINITELY worth living! I wish I had tons of reasons, but all I can say is this...I truly believe every day is a blessing...even the bad ones. I believe that ending you life before its time is a waste, foolish, and frankly (I'm so sorry but I don't know how else to put this) selfish. 36 is NOT your only child. You have a husband who loves you. You finally have your older daughter back and a wonderful granddaughter. You have Sonic. You have a younger daughter who loves you and calls on you when she's down. Jumper [I]needs [/I]you and [I]not [/I]just when times are bad. My own mother died suddenly at 60. I was 23. My father died shortly thereafter - as many do when they've had long-term marriages. I miss my dad, but he was dad. Mom's are different and I miss her [I]every single day of my life! [/I]When I graduated law school, my dad and my aunts were there...but I was so sad because she was not. When I passed the bar, I had no one to celebrate with. When my son was born I cried, not tears of joy, but because my mother was not there. Every joy in my life has been touched with sorrow for the last 27 simply because I cannot share it with her. I'm 50 years old now. You say your own mother rejected you. What is suicide if not rejection...of not just living but of living with them. I'm sure you wish you had the relationship with her you now have with your own daughters. As I write this I have tears, thinking of anyone intentionally causing their own family that sorrow. by the way, you husband and children are NOT the only ones who would miss you. Your life touches more people than you realize. I don't know your social circle...but you help people every day by posting on this forum. You have helped me. You would be missed. But I realize that the guilt of leaving is not the same as a reason to live. And if sharing all the joy another person will have is not enough, there is joy to be had for yourself. Watching Jumper grow and prosper will be a joy. Watching your granddaughter grow up and seeing all those milestones. More importantly, YOU will have your own joys! You will have sunrises and sunsets and spring times and Christmas and PEACE. It's there! You know it is. Life is not easy. I know this. Your life has not been easy. But it is not over. There is so much good to be seen and to have and to do. Please, please, concentrate on the good in your life. As corny as it sounds, count your blessings. You have them. Start with your family, your health, your friends, and continue on. You have more than you know. Sending you warm hugs and much love. [/QUOTE]
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My "wonderful" weekend and suicidal ideation
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