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My "wonderful" weekend and suicidal ideation
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<blockquote data-quote="Stress Bunny" data-source="post: 637093" data-attributes="member: 4855"><p>MWM,</p><p>I'm so sorry you had such a weekend and that thoughts of suicide gripped you in the midst of the overwhelming stress. I can relate to you a lot. We have similar stories to tell. I don't think your thoughts and feelings are selfish at all. They are a natural part of your unique experiences and psychological make-up. </p><p></p><p>I understand how you feel, and it would be hypocritical of me to deny that I have the very same thoughts from time to time. In my case, they seem to be fueled by anxiety and stress, which, of course leads to depression as well. Stress is cumulative, and you've had more than your share in this life.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if it will help to share my hard times, but maybe it will make you feel less alone.</p><p></p><p>All I ever wanted was a family. We struggled with infertility and early miscarriage for years though. I never felt so alone and ashamed. It was devastating. We became foster parents to do something good that would help us keep our minds off of ourselves. We had around 20 kids stay with us over 5 years, and adopted JT. He was very oppositional and adhd right from the start. Raising him was beyond stressful, and despite our best efforts, he has completely rejected everything about us and our values. He is narcissistic and probably sociopathic too. </p><p></p><p>Over the years, we've suffered numerous job losses, severe illness, and isolation. We had to give baby girls we thought would be ours back to their birth mothers (twice) who changed their minds about adoption. We finally adopted our youngest as an infant through private adoption after 10 years of marriage. He has an autism spectrum disorder and very difficult behaviors at times. We have few friends because of the parenting demands we've had. I that will never be for this family. We're getting older, and I wonder what we have to look forward to. I'm especially sensitive to the perfect families that everyone else seems to have. </p><p></p><p>Yet I have been so blessed in these times of tribulation. You have been a true lifesaver for me on this forum; wise and caring. We all need you here. </p><p></p><p>Think about whether you may want to set more boundaries with your kids, especially 36. How much do his words affect you? Did his tantrum and repeated calls put your stress level over the edge? I don't know how you're able to listen or engage with him at all.</p><p></p><p>You're my hero, and I would love to talk to you in person sometime.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Stress Bunny, post: 637093, member: 4855"] MWM, I'm so sorry you had such a weekend and that thoughts of suicide gripped you in the midst of the overwhelming stress. I can relate to you a lot. We have similar stories to tell. I don't think your thoughts and feelings are selfish at all. They are a natural part of your unique experiences and psychological make-up. I understand how you feel, and it would be hypocritical of me to deny that I have the very same thoughts from time to time. In my case, they seem to be fueled by anxiety and stress, which, of course leads to depression as well. Stress is cumulative, and you've had more than your share in this life. I don't know if it will help to share my hard times, but maybe it will make you feel less alone. All I ever wanted was a family. We struggled with infertility and early miscarriage for years though. I never felt so alone and ashamed. It was devastating. We became foster parents to do something good that would help us keep our minds off of ourselves. We had around 20 kids stay with us over 5 years, and adopted JT. He was very oppositional and adhd right from the start. Raising him was beyond stressful, and despite our best efforts, he has completely rejected everything about us and our values. He is narcissistic and probably sociopathic too. Over the years, we've suffered numerous job losses, severe illness, and isolation. We had to give baby girls we thought would be ours back to their birth mothers (twice) who changed their minds about adoption. We finally adopted our youngest as an infant through private adoption after 10 years of marriage. He has an autism spectrum disorder and very difficult behaviors at times. We have few friends because of the parenting demands we've had. I that will never be for this family. We're getting older, and I wonder what we have to look forward to. I'm especially sensitive to the perfect families that everyone else seems to have. Yet I have been so blessed in these times of tribulation. You have been a true lifesaver for me on this forum; wise and caring. We all need you here. Think about whether you may want to set more boundaries with your kids, especially 36. How much do his words affect you? Did his tantrum and repeated calls put your stress level over the edge? I don't know how you're able to listen or engage with him at all. You're my hero, and I would love to talk to you in person sometime. [/QUOTE]
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