mystery new words solved...yuck

[buddy]

So, this morning Q says.... is this what sex sounds like? and he makes some sounds that unfortunately do sound like sex sounds, groans/grunts etc. Things one could learn from a movie or even tv show but his stuff is so blocked I just couldn't imagine that. He said and they rub boobs like that....(remember, he was saying boobs have sex???)

I showed no judgement, and asked, so where did you hear that? He said "Leo" in the hospital told him that. AND that he told Q he wanted to do that.

once again.....ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????

I first sent a note to school given that he mentioned it once there... I warned that he is likely to be stuck on this a little and that we had to be very careful to not accidently reinforce it by "processing" it, warning him that it is sexual abuse etc.... because it will just dig the road deeper and deeper. They need to divert, distract, "halt!" etc. I used singing a song this morning because for one t hing he hates when anyone sings and I knew he would then have to go to a mode of asking me to stop singing etc.... change of topic. It worked this time anyway.


I asked him (to see how far this went) again..... So what is sex? He said AGAIN, it is when people have babies. I said so you have seen people have a baby on tv, I have never heard that... He said, it must happen after the baby is born. SIGH,

He will get in such trouble with this stuff and he has no clue that woudl support he is actually trying to sexually abuse anyone. He just does what gets a reaction and what is stuck in his brain. Just so sad.

And, such a good example of how he can't hide anything for long. This other kid obviously had the social skills to be sneaky and not let adults hear him. Q got in trouble for it over and over. Probably still will.

 

[TeDo]

Is "Leo" one of the kids at the psychiatric hospital? I would report this to to whoever is responsible for "Leo" right away because if "Leo" said this to Q, you know he's said it to other kids and "Leo" needs to have this dealt with before he acts on it.

 

[buddy]

yup! im calling them, had to wait till after he leaves with Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) because I have been with him all day either at doctor or school and now he just left. yuck yuck yuck...

whole day of blurting out. Much higher stress day once we got to doctor. Just threw him off for the rest of the day. He was super happy to see Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker and they are going now. Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) says he can't work Friday and he has a party at school so that just stinks too. guess I am going to the 8th grade party. OH well, i have been to every one since 6th, why should I not go again??

 

[DammitJanet]

Buddy, you dont think Leo had the chance to be alone with Q do you? Any possibility for Leo to have perped on Q in anyway? The whole sounds thing along with Leo saying he wanted to do that just makes my radar go off. Also it seems very possible that Q would be much more likely to keep talking about this if somehow he felt that this was an uncomfortable topic for boys to talk about.

I mean, if someone came up to me in a hospital and started talking about sex and kind of intimated that they might want to have sex with me...I would be totally harping on that constantly. Probably be telling everyone I saw.

 

[buddy]

well, i would just have to agree with that. You can imagine how tricky it is to be trying to not reinforce the blurts and entrench this even further while at the same time trying to figure out what the heck really went on...... everyone is going to voice mail....

 

[DammitJanet]

That is what I am fearing. I take it that is what your fear is too. Sigh. It isnt all that uncommon for some teens in psychiatric hospitals to attempt to have contact with another teen. yucky as that sounds.

Could you use dolls to talk to Q? Even army figures? Something to attempt to find out if anyone touched him.

Or...could you go off on a completely other topic and maybe talk about a phantom child and use nice words that you dont mind being repeated but maybe pretend to call someone and talk about a little girl who had been approached by a person and asked to have sex but they didnt want to and this little girl was trying to figure out how to talk to someone about it. You might be able to make a skit up so that Q doesnt realize you are talking about him to this "person" but you are trying to make this up so you can get him to talk to you about what he knows.

Im just throwing out ideas.

 

[buddy]

A frustrating thing is that I mentioned it to our doctors nurse (she interveiws and collects data and then you see the doctor). I said I dont fully know what to do with this information. It could be taht it was all talk and he was like Q and just says whatever... "you want to have sex, dont you...blah blah blah" But how do I know? I figure honestly that Q will tell someone, kids or an adult because he just keeps NOTHING in. For the good or bad, he always lets it slip out eventually. But I dont know .... I dont want to lead him. I may on at a totally unrelated time (when he has not made any words or sounds of that nature) just talk about teh subject like we have in the past, a safety talk....and fish around that way.

 

[TeDo]

Did you make that call? Since you don't know much about "Leo", let the psychiatric hospital staff know and let them figure it out. You know Q best so you'll figure out the correct way to work with HIM. The staff needs to deal with Leo and find out from that end if anything happened. Cover your bases dear lady. (****smile****)

 

[buddy]

I have tried five different numbers and only got voice mails. when I tried calling the nurses station the girl accidently d/c me. should I just talk to the charge nurse?? I just dont know... i was thinking of waiting till tomorrow but if he is still there... I dont even know if it is a 'little kid" or a teen since he spent most of his time on the little kid side but at times they had him go to the teen side (a wall separates the units but the nurses desk goes through to both sides so you can talk from one side to the next...so same nurses...)

 

[TeDo]

I would talk to the charge nurse tonight and follow up with whoever is in charge of the whole place tomorrow. Let the concern be heard in your voice. Let them know it is a REAL concern.

 

[buddy]

I got through finally. They are very concerned. She thanked me for calling and said it was very serious. I think she was more concerned than I was. I told them I dont need to know anything about the other kid (obviously he is there for medical reasons and needs help too) but that I thought they should know that he did this if he is still there because of other kids that might be affected. I also told them I just dont know where to go with this information myself...in terms of what to do about Q. I TOTALLY dont want to reinforce the verbal junk, especially since it could be nothing more than totally inappropriate talk from this kid... but I do need to make sure he didn't get exposed to anything more than that. Not sure if it will be possible though.

 

[TeDo]

If they find out something DID happen, wouldn't they be ethically, if not legally, bound to tell you? I would think so but guess I would ask. They don't need to reveal anything about him but you have a right to know WHAT happened if anything so it can be dealt with properly. I guess you'll have to wait and see. I would still call the "head" honcho tomorrow and express your concerns and make sure they know you want to be told IF anything happened and WHAT exactly happened if anything.

More {{{{(((HUGS)))}}} going out to you. Keep the armor as long as you need it. teehee

 

[buddy]

Yes, she said that she is telling the head nurse (not the head shift nurse but the boss) and the director and Q's doctor...She thought that the doctor really should know too. thinking back, when he started saying the weird phrases (remember he said "my boobs have sex" over and over???) and then he got put into time out over and over for it.... why didn't anyone (me included) think to say, where the heck did THAT come from. I can actually tell you the origin of every single negative word and phrase he says. Even when he learned the N word.

In school today he ate with his trained buddies and he said stuff like....I go into the woods and get drunk (HUH???? obviously nothing he has been around, suspect the teens at the psychiatric hospital were discussing this too) and talked about sticking cigarettes up butts (THAT one I know... he misunderstood cigarette butts... figured that is what people meant, and since he is so obsessed with the smell of them he then talks about them, then it got attention at school and now....tada~)

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, dear. NOT what he needed. So sorry.
Cute about the cigarette butts, I have to admit.

Two yrs ago, my son got some info and repeated it at school on the playground, and got into trouble for it. I can't recall the exact details, but it had something to do with-having sex and whatever it was, he got it wrong. It had to do with-porn, actually. Which he had, in fact, seen online.
So when he got home, I showed him how I'd found his websites online (yes, he was punished, the thread is here somewhere, very old), and I said, "Well, now you know what R and your biodad did to have you. You kept asking." Sigh. Innocence, down the drain.
"What? They did THAT? That's not SEX!"
Uh-oh.
Turns out he did not correlate the photos at all with-sex. I have no idea what he thought it was, but he not only didn't connect it with-sex, he did not connect it with-making babies.
Me and my big mouth.

So, you are right to protect your difficult child, because whatever he is repeating is simply repetition and he has no clue whether the words (or heaven forbid, actions) are truly sex related, and that they have legal repercussions.
So far, he seems to still be his innocent self, despite the new phrase obsession. I mean, he's not having nightmares or acting out on other kids, right?
Sigh. Many hugs.

 

[buddy]

True Terry, it is all about the repititions and how people respond. He is so desperate for attention that if during his random words/phrases whatever he gets any laughs or someone says something to him, he just eats up the attention He wants friends so badly and just does not have the same interests or thoughts or words to get and keep friends interested in him. but shock and awe has at least gotten kids and adults to pay attention. It is not usually ever what starts his ramblings, but it is often what keeps it going on at the moment.

I wasn't panicked about it because I know what it is to have a kid who will just say whatever pops into his head and anyone around is gonna hear it. He is totally inappropriate with lots of kids and I have needed forgiveness for him many times. I just want to make sure I guess and of course needed to make sure that the treatment team knew this guy had this problem too. I hope I dont regret not being overly concerned later, but for now I am going slow so I dont make a huge deal out of something smaller. He does seem ok and hasn't said anything directly....BUT I just remembered as i am typing this that when he checked out, i took him to that pancake house. He had to go to the bathroom and he said he "felt uncomfortable" going alone. i asked if he wanted me to come and stand outside of the door (this the kid who wants me NOWHERE near him usually) he has been going to the rest room himself for many yaers. So, he said yes, when we got there he asked if he could just come in the girls room like when he was young. i said no. Again, I just didn't think anything.... I have to think this thru more dont I???

 

[Steely]

Well.........I don't know about whether something happened or not - but I am going to say not. The things these kids hear in phosph are outrageous. I mean, think about how many kids you have gathered together in a super small area that have problems!! They are going to hear a ton of craziness. However - the chance that they actually get to act on them is obscure. They are supervised 24/7 whether through cameras or one on one. I am guessing that this kiddo was just questioning Q, trying to get a vibe, trying to get feedback for his own issues. I doubt that anything happened. But even a kid saying something like that can make another uneasy - which is where Q is probably at.

 

[TeDo]

Absolutely but don't over-analyze. It just may have been his insecurity after being where he was for 2 weeks. Take it one thing at a time and don't look for trouble if there isn't any. Keep your ears and eyes open for the possibility but keep it in the context of the Q you know so well. By all means, don't make a big deal out of it with him since he is so suggestible but do be vigilant of anything "out of the ordinary". Having been there done this, call me if you're not sure. There, I put another "secret" out on the table.

 

[buddy]

to be honest, my mommy gut says nothing terrible happened physically. i just dont want to get caught regretting that I didn't check it out, for the other child's sake too. What upset me was the fact that he has another issue we will have to probably deal with for years. THIS is exactly why I say he will NEVER be in an EBD class again (he was in a mixed Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/EBD--"neurobiological" classroom) It was a HUGE waste of time academically and he is still saying the words and phrases he learned. He was 6 years old. At 8 they put 4EBD kids in his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) class and then we got the B word and the swearing at teachers. That has now spread to principal etc. I get the irony. He is the kind of kid I would not want HIM around. But my only job in this case is to work on his behalf so I do my best to contain it and to avoid more issues. I am fine with his needing a private room to go to when he is having issues to help shield others and to then have the opportunity to be with kids when he is more in control.

 

[Liahona]

A silver lining about Q not being able to hold it in is that means that you aren't going to have to push to get the information out of him. I wouldn't worry about finding out what happened. You will find out. You might need to bring up the topic but I don't think you'll need to fish if something more happened.

It is scary and you want to find out NOW and fix it, but it doesn't work that way. It comes out a little bit at a time when the person is ready.

I'm so sorry you have this worry. In my opinion having someone hurt your child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent.

 

[DammitJanet]

I dont agree with Steely that the chances are so obscure. Just look at how many times Kanga has managed to slip the bounds at her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and get with a girl or boy even though she was on 24/7 eyes on supervision. We have had another child or two that were in either psychiatric hospital or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that acted out sexually even with all the precautions in place. It is a real fear.

I certainly hope nothing happened other than this other boy saying things and intimating the sexual act with Q. That is far bad enough. With his deficits, that is just about as bad as having the act done to him because he really doesnt understand. I am so sorry because it has caused another fear in him and that is something you really dont need.