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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 666573" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This was the thing that tripped me up as thinking of my mom as a narc. She did love my brother TOO much all his life and my uncle...you know. All white. All black.Not just love but WORSHIP. That is borderline. But maybe my mom had both as she only loved certain people. She did NOT treat my sister well as we grew up. She was treated like she was yesterday's garbage. What my sister did to change things, I don't know. Maybe my mom attached to her golden grandchild and that changed it or my sister catered to her vanity and made her feel good, which was mandatory for having a relationship with her and I'm sure it was a contentious relationship at times because neither of them do relationships well, especially my mother. So maybe there is some narc in her. She is either narc or borderline, but I'm thinking primarily borderline with some definite narc. She could admit a mistake to a person she liked, but never to me. She did nothing wrong, even when I did admit the things I'd done wrong (shrug).</p><p></p><p>At any rate, this gave me another layer to consider in why my mother picked me and my father to mistreat. He was definitely on her black side too. As was his entire family, who actually were mostly nice people, the bit I knew of them. It was her family that was mean-spirited to their own.</p><p></p><p>Thanks again for all the thoughts. I feel I am healing well, but any insight just speeds it along all the more and makes me see that I made a good decision in my life to kind of push FOO away from my kids. More than anything, I wanted to keep the kids safe from their dynamics and they never saw anything like what went on in our house. I have tried sharing with them and they look horrified, but they can't relate to it. Even my ex, who could verbally abuse me, did not cause the violent fighting in my FOO. Without a doubt, the children of mine who grew up with my current husband as their father have barely heard angry words between their parents and have never been called a name (my ex would sometimes call Bart names, and I had to stop him). My last two kids had a wonderful childhood, per both of them and Jumper wrote in our 20th anniversary card "Thank you for showing me that love still exists."</p><p></p><p>Ok, as usual, I'm drifting off so I leave in peace and with thanks!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 666573, member: 1550"] This was the thing that tripped me up as thinking of my mom as a narc. She did love my brother TOO much all his life and my uncle...you know. All white. All black.Not just love but WORSHIP. That is borderline. But maybe my mom had both as she only loved certain people. She did NOT treat my sister well as we grew up. She was treated like she was yesterday's garbage. What my sister did to change things, I don't know. Maybe my mom attached to her golden grandchild and that changed it or my sister catered to her vanity and made her feel good, which was mandatory for having a relationship with her and I'm sure it was a contentious relationship at times because neither of them do relationships well, especially my mother. So maybe there is some narc in her. She is either narc or borderline, but I'm thinking primarily borderline with some definite narc. She could admit a mistake to a person she liked, but never to me. She did nothing wrong, even when I did admit the things I'd done wrong (shrug). At any rate, this gave me another layer to consider in why my mother picked me and my father to mistreat. He was definitely on her black side too. As was his entire family, who actually were mostly nice people, the bit I knew of them. It was her family that was mean-spirited to their own. Thanks again for all the thoughts. I feel I am healing well, but any insight just speeds it along all the more and makes me see that I made a good decision in my life to kind of push FOO away from my kids. More than anything, I wanted to keep the kids safe from their dynamics and they never saw anything like what went on in our house. I have tried sharing with them and they look horrified, but they can't relate to it. Even my ex, who could verbally abuse me, did not cause the violent fighting in my FOO. Without a doubt, the children of mine who grew up with my current husband as their father have barely heard angry words between their parents and have never been called a name (my ex would sometimes call Bart names, and I had to stop him). My last two kids had a wonderful childhood, per both of them and Jumper wrote in our 20th anniversary card "Thank you for showing me that love still exists." Ok, as usual, I'm drifting off so I leave in peace and with thanks! [/QUOTE]
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