My mother has been in the house we then built in Florida, but my sister would never come there.
The house you and D H built must be exquisite. I bet it is unique and expresses, celebrates and encloses beautifully you and D H and your life together.But they never did come.
She must have heard about it from your mother. But even if she had not. She would never want you to have icing on the cake. And to build a house...at a retirement destination...represents a pinnacle of life. She wants to knock you off that cake, Cedar.
Her love for you is like a thorn in her side. Reminding her of who she really is. She is trying to run from it, not face it. She is trying to make a reality show about her pretend life. She never wants to remember who she really is. It is so very sad.
But it is not the result she is interested in. She does not want to depend upon your good graces. She does not want you to be "big." She wants to be "big." Had you followed through on your offer of hospitality...she would be in the passive position, accepting your hospitality. For some reason, she cannot even defer to you in that sense.Know what I did? I had already assured her a million times that the days she wanted to come would be great. So I couldn't just say: Don't come you poop, though I wish I had.
Instead she conquers you. Instead she plans and plots a strategic battle, so that you are deceived...She topples you, Cedar. She besieges you. She tricks you. You are defeated.
I cannot see another way to view it, to want to trick your sister. To get satisfaction in subterfuge. Except now I do get it.
My son does that. He will lie his way into our house. He will come up with tall tales. He will try to (and succeed) in getting what he wants (train tickets) by manipulation...by tricks. Like saying he is going to the Big City to get his blood work done.
And now I understand your sister better. These are powers of the weak. Powers of the powerless who cannot ask the master for a privilege that the master has the power to withhold. Indeed, who may punish and gain advantage of the weaker one, by knowing what they want, what is their need and object of desire.
I will post later more on powers of the weak. Remind me if I forget. I am still having my heart attack pain.