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Family of Origin
Narcissistic Parents/Investment in success, performance of kids
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666738" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am thinking now that the problem with my relationship with my sister is that I have personalized what she has done. </p><p></p><p>The same thing I did with my son. On some level I believed that when my sister treated me badly that I deserved it. </p><p></p><p>I believed that accepting the mistreatment of my sister was to accept that I did not deserve more. </p><p></p><p>What is the quote you provided, Cedar..you cannot give what you cannot afford to...As long as my worth was defined by the criteria of my family of origin...</p><p></p><p>zero sum game</p><p>victim, golden and abuser</p><p>worship or disdain</p><p>Scapegoating or Movie Star</p><p></p><p>I could not afford to accept mistreatment...by my sister....because it would mean that I would be confined to a victim role....as perpetually undeserving...as a person. Because there was no flexibility...And that was what I had fought against my whole life through...to escape that role.</p><p></p><p>After reading the last article I posted (Loving a Narcissist) I am not that hopeful. Because it seems that my sister will always want to put me in a fixed position as responsible for all bad things, less than, undeserving....Even if I could find a position of therapeutic neutrality (with my own sister) Is it worth it just to have connection to put myself in that kind of position? Maybe someday I will write a letter, asking for nothing, just summarizing where I am.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666738, member: 18958"] I am thinking now that the problem with my relationship with my sister is that I have personalized what she has done. The same thing I did with my son. On some level I believed that when my sister treated me badly that I deserved it. I believed that accepting the mistreatment of my sister was to accept that I did not deserve more. What is the quote you provided, Cedar..you cannot give what you cannot afford to...As long as my worth was defined by the criteria of my family of origin... zero sum game victim, golden and abuser worship or disdain Scapegoating or Movie Star I could not afford to accept mistreatment...by my sister....because it would mean that I would be confined to a victim role....as perpetually undeserving...as a person. Because there was no flexibility...And that was what I had fought against my whole life through...to escape that role. After reading the last article I posted (Loving a Narcissist) I am not that hopeful. Because it seems that my sister will always want to put me in a fixed position as responsible for all bad things, less than, undeserving....Even if I could find a position of therapeutic neutrality (with my own sister) Is it worth it just to have connection to put myself in that kind of position? Maybe someday I will write a letter, asking for nothing, just summarizing where I am. COPA [/QUOTE]
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