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Narcissistic Parents/Investment in success, performance of kids
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666767" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Look at the abusive mom thread. I was all giddy with being Donald Trump. For one day.</p><p>This makes me very, very sad.</p><p></p><p>Because there is no way out for us....with them.</p><p></p><p>"Why don't you love me any more...you used to love me?'"</p><p></p><p>Said to me when she was in her late 20's. What they want, our sisters, is the Cinderella sister, who cooked and cleaned and watched them, and loved them as little doll mothers. Sisters without a sense. Undeserving, abused sisters...who know their place. They ask nothing for themselves. Automatons. Undeserving of one thing. Accepting that their piece of the pie is not one crumb. And happy about it.</p><p>This is the worst example of all, Cedar. When your sister visited your place in the South, was it, and dismissed your place...deliberately...as second rate...because she on purpose went to view all of the other models available...to say she would have chosen a better one.</p><p></p><p>She is saying here, Cedar, you deserve nothing. And if by accident, by luck or circumstance you did get something,(but never because you deserve it) it is second best and never, ever something I would have wanted.</p><p></p><p>See the zero sum game? She must render any single thing you have <em>as not worth having</em>. Especially your very best thing...D H. And your children. Imagine the victory lap she was running when very Dear Daughter was suffering...She had to claim that scalp for her very own...and celebrate it. I am tearing up here for all of us.</p><p></p><p>And because Dear Daughter is so completely clean and healthy and morally pure...(although she seems to test herself by fire every now and then--as I think I might have needed to do...but I am a mere reflection of her)<em>it could not touch her. </em></p><p></p><p>It only wounds us. Because we are the ones that are soldered together.</p><p>You are speaking here, Cedar, of feeling responsible when others treat us badly.</p><p></p><p>I will add my me too, here. Too.</p><p></p><p>M knows this about me. That is what the tongue out is about.</p><p></p><p>We are working in the house. Not today, he is out making his rounds. So yesterday afternoon was a work time.</p><p></p><p>So he says, just tell me what you want me to do (and I am already afraid and defensive and feel there is no way I can do this right.)</p><p></p><p>So I say: Well I am thinking of moving this here..and that here, and the other thing...there. (And I go on and on.)</p><p></p><p>So M says: You <em>never say. Move this there.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>And I say: You expect me to turn into another person. Who gives orders. I have never given an order in my life. I do not think I can turn into a person who gives an order. We can never work together without you wanting me to change into another person. I have to work by myself.</p><p></p><p>M: Why do you always think I am attacking and accusing you? </p><p></p><p>I believe him. I believe he started out wanting to avoid a fight.</p><p></p><p>So, I walked into another room to work and shut the door. And he started doing some of the things...that I said I was thinking about.</p><p></p><p>I really do not know why this fits here. But I think it does.</p><p></p><p>I think even with creativity...I love decorating and design...I cannot work with anybody else without feeling that I will be dominated or destroyed....And I surrender my voice. In my own house, only.</p><p></p><p>In my sister's or mother's house mine was the only voice that they listened to.</p><p></p><p>And my sister is the exact opposite in anything other than her house. My mother and my sister absolutely cede any authority to me about design. Go figure?</p><p></p><p>I am worn out from today's posts. Just wrung out.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666767, member: 18958"] Look at the abusive mom thread. I was all giddy with being Donald Trump. For one day. This makes me very, very sad. Because there is no way out for us....with them. "Why don't you love me any more...you used to love me?'" Said to me when she was in her late 20's. What they want, our sisters, is the Cinderella sister, who cooked and cleaned and watched them, and loved them as little doll mothers. Sisters without a sense. Undeserving, abused sisters...who know their place. They ask nothing for themselves. Automatons. Undeserving of one thing. Accepting that their piece of the pie is not one crumb. And happy about it. This is the worst example of all, Cedar. When your sister visited your place in the South, was it, and dismissed your place...deliberately...as second rate...because she on purpose went to view all of the other models available...to say she would have chosen a better one. She is saying here, Cedar, you deserve nothing. And if by accident, by luck or circumstance you did get something,(but never because you deserve it) it is second best and never, ever something I would have wanted. See the zero sum game? She must render any single thing you have [I]as not worth having[/I]. Especially your very best thing...D H. And your children. Imagine the victory lap she was running when very Dear Daughter was suffering...She had to claim that scalp for her very own...and celebrate it. I am tearing up here for all of us. And because Dear Daughter is so completely clean and healthy and morally pure...(although she seems to test herself by fire every now and then--as I think I might have needed to do...but I am a mere reflection of her)[I]it could not touch her. [/I] It only wounds us. Because we are the ones that are soldered together. You are speaking here, Cedar, of feeling responsible when others treat us badly. I will add my me too, here. Too. M knows this about me. That is what the tongue out is about. We are working in the house. Not today, he is out making his rounds. So yesterday afternoon was a work time. So he says, just tell me what you want me to do (and I am already afraid and defensive and feel there is no way I can do this right.) So I say: Well I am thinking of moving this here..and that here, and the other thing...there. (And I go on and on.) So M says: You [I]never say. Move this there. [/I] And I say: You expect me to turn into another person. Who gives orders. I have never given an order in my life. I do not think I can turn into a person who gives an order. We can never work together without you wanting me to change into another person. I have to work by myself. M: Why do you always think I am attacking and accusing you? I believe him. I believe he started out wanting to avoid a fight. So, I walked into another room to work and shut the door. And he started doing some of the things...that I said I was thinking about. I really do not know why this fits here. But I think it does. I think even with creativity...I love decorating and design...I cannot work with anybody else without feeling that I will be dominated or destroyed....And I surrender my voice. In my own house, only. In my sister's or mother's house mine was the only voice that they listened to. And my sister is the exact opposite in anything other than her house. My mother and my sister absolutely cede any authority to me about design. Go figure? I am worn out from today's posts. Just wrung out. COPA [/QUOTE]
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