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Narcissistic Parents/Investment in success, performance of kids
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 666891" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I know we are trying to get beyond our relationships with FOO members, but yesterday in response to our posts, I got in touch with a particularly hurtful interaction with my sister.</p><p></p><p>It was the first time that I reached out to my FOO, after many years of not speaking or seeing them. Remember, I decided to reach out after I adopted my son. I wanted him to have family besides myself. I called my sister first. </p><p></p><p>I told her "I adopted a child."</p><p></p><p>There was a definite and deliberate and pregnant silence.</p><p></p><p>She responded: "I am pregnant with twins."</p><p></p><p>At that moment and forever after I believed that my sister deliberately took the opportunity to attack. But I have always attacked myself that I would feel that she would do such a hurtful thing. After all, it could have been an accident. Unintentional. And not a desire to hurt by one-upping, to compete. </p><p></p><p>But on the other hand, how could she have resisted, after all, responding in the way she did. She had after all a bigger and better piece of the pie. Two natural children on the way. Who were to be her golden girls. </p><p></p><p>And then I would feel shame because I feared that perhaps I did feel that with my son, I had less. Even though I do not and never felt I did. I felt that by reacting to her definition of things with anger or pain must have meant that I did have shame.</p><p></p><p>But then, I think, why could she not have responded, <em>"how great. I am happy for you, that you are a mother. How happy I am. For you."</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>She could have waited one or two more sentences, even. That would have made a difference. And said something like, you beat me to it. I am expecting. </p><p><em>.</em></p><p>Which is what I would have said. In that way she would have acknowledged both of us. She did after all, have a choice. She made it</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 666891, member: 18958"] I know we are trying to get beyond our relationships with FOO members, but yesterday in response to our posts, I got in touch with a particularly hurtful interaction with my sister. It was the first time that I reached out to my FOO, after many years of not speaking or seeing them. Remember, I decided to reach out after I adopted my son. I wanted him to have family besides myself. I called my sister first. I told her "I adopted a child." There was a definite and deliberate and pregnant silence. She responded: "I am pregnant with twins." At that moment and forever after I believed that my sister deliberately took the opportunity to attack. But I have always attacked myself that I would feel that she would do such a hurtful thing. After all, it could have been an accident. Unintentional. And not a desire to hurt by one-upping, to compete. But on the other hand, how could she have resisted, after all, responding in the way she did. She had after all a bigger and better piece of the pie. Two natural children on the way. Who were to be her golden girls. And then I would feel shame because I feared that perhaps I did feel that with my son, I had less. Even though I do not and never felt I did. I felt that by reacting to her definition of things with anger or pain must have meant that I did have shame. But then, I think, why could she not have responded, [I]"how great. I am happy for you, that you are a mother. How happy I am. For you." [/I] She could have waited one or two more sentences, even. That would have made a difference. And said something like, you beat me to it. I am expecting. [I].[/I] Which is what I would have said. In that way she would have acknowledged both of us. She did after all, have a choice. She made it [/QUOTE]
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