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Navigating the roller coaster with difficult child son and impending grandbaby
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 649331" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Please...don't come on too strong. My son went through a tiresome custody battle last year and I learned the shocking legalities of custody. Grandparents have no rights. It's up to the parent to decide who the child sees. Going to court won't help you. This is one battle you can't win unless both she and your son sign their rights to you (which is a worthwhile goal). She DOES have a mother. 25 miles would never keep me from my grandchild. That's maybe a half hour away. I regularly drive four hours to see my sweet granddaughter. If you come across as threatening or trying to control this girl, she could rebel and you would not have recourse. The only people the court take into account for custody are the mother and father and the father, if not married to Mom, needs to take a DNA test to prove he's the father. If he doesn't, legally the baby could belong to anybody. And your son will be on the hook for child support, whether he can afford it or not. If he has a police record, he may not even be allowed to see the baby every other weekend without supervision.</p><p></p><p>Emotional reasoning usually does not work with our troubled darlings. If an adult child is doing drugs, unemployable, struggling...the drug usually is hard for them to kick and a baby doesn't usually do the trick. We've all been trying to set our difficult children straight all thier life and it hasn't worked. We can no control them, only how we react to them. You will not be able to take control of your grandchild either. As a grandma with a child who once used drugs, but hasn't for ten years and who I am on very good terms with, her and her SO are still the ones in charge of my grandbaby. When I'm there it's her house/her rules. Babydaddy's mom is also in the picture and is my ex. You will not be this girl's everything. It is foolish to think 25 miles will keep the other grandmother from her daughter and grandchild. Life is what it is and letting go of trying to control it is a lot easier and more realistic.</p><p></p><p>Having said all that, I do hope you can be a part of your grandchild's life and that things get better for your son over the long haul. A few days is never long enough to get excited when it comes to addiction. Until my daughter was clean for over a year, we kept waiting for the other shoe to fall. She had relapsed many times. However, she was ten years from drug use before she had her baby...she has done very well since those days, but she really wanted to quit. Desperately. That's what it takes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 649331, member: 1550"] Please...don't come on too strong. My son went through a tiresome custody battle last year and I learned the shocking legalities of custody. Grandparents have no rights. It's up to the parent to decide who the child sees. Going to court won't help you. This is one battle you can't win unless both she and your son sign their rights to you (which is a worthwhile goal). She DOES have a mother. 25 miles would never keep me from my grandchild. That's maybe a half hour away. I regularly drive four hours to see my sweet granddaughter. If you come across as threatening or trying to control this girl, she could rebel and you would not have recourse. The only people the court take into account for custody are the mother and father and the father, if not married to Mom, needs to take a DNA test to prove he's the father. If he doesn't, legally the baby could belong to anybody. And your son will be on the hook for child support, whether he can afford it or not. If he has a police record, he may not even be allowed to see the baby every other weekend without supervision. Emotional reasoning usually does not work with our troubled darlings. If an adult child is doing drugs, unemployable, struggling...the drug usually is hard for them to kick and a baby doesn't usually do the trick. We've all been trying to set our difficult children straight all thier life and it hasn't worked. We can no control them, only how we react to them. You will not be able to take control of your grandchild either. As a grandma with a child who once used drugs, but hasn't for ten years and who I am on very good terms with, her and her SO are still the ones in charge of my grandbaby. When I'm there it's her house/her rules. Babydaddy's mom is also in the picture and is my ex. You will not be this girl's everything. It is foolish to think 25 miles will keep the other grandmother from her daughter and grandchild. Life is what it is and letting go of trying to control it is a lot easier and more realistic. Having said all that, I do hope you can be a part of your grandchild's life and that things get better for your son over the long haul. A few days is never long enough to get excited when it comes to addiction. Until my daughter was clean for over a year, we kept waiting for the other shoe to fall. She had relapsed many times. However, she was ten years from drug use before she had her baby...she has done very well since those days, but she really wanted to quit. Desperately. That's what it takes. [/QUOTE]
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Navigating the roller coaster with difficult child son and impending grandbaby
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