Near to tears....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Mikey, Nov 28, 2007.

  1. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    ...but for good reason. McWeedy has been clean for three weeks now because he has his court date next week, and is hoping to get diversion (he needs to drop clean during his drug screening).

    I don't even recognize the kid any more. The first week was awful, but since then the zombie that was infesting his body seems to have gone into hiatus.

    My son is back (for a little while, at least).

    :smile: :smile: :smile:

    No, he's not perfect. Yes, I know that this is probably temporary, but I'm enjoying it while I can, and encouraging him to take stock of what his life is like <u>right now</u>, so that if he slips back into herbal ecstasy then he'll have something to remember.

    He's laughing again. He's playing guitar again, reading again, and actually acting like a member of the family. He plays with his brother and sister, seems to actually enjoy occasional conversations and outings with the 'rents, and even shows appreciation for the things we're doing to keep him on the straight and narrow. He helps take care of our new dog (some other time I'll introduce y'all to "Max the Sobriety Puppy" as he's known around here). He even went out last night with his one "real" friend that hasn't abandoned him since he became a stoner, even though McWeedy did everything he could to run the poor guy off.

    I don't think it's an act. I DO think it's a contrived situation, i.e not one of his choosing, but one he's forced to accept. It's also one we (wife and I) could never force on him, and is better than the only option we were left with (giving him a suitcase and a clear path to the front door).

    He seems happier, and we as a family are happier. The only person who ISN'T happier is Weedette, his girlfriend. He's started to assert some independence from her, and she doesn't like it one bit. Rumor has it she even started partaking of the herb, and now has nobody to smoke with. And she REALLY doesn't like having her compliant little boy-toy suddenly sober, engaged, and not quite so compliant. I'm not happy they're having problems, but at the same time I don't think she has his best interest at heart; after all, he was a "much better" boyfriend for her when he was stoned all the time (better for her, at least...)


    But he's not acting like that person any more, and has even started taking an interest in his own life again. wife and I are even starting to wonder if he didn't WANT to get caught, and be forced into changing (since he was obviously too scared or indoctrinated to do it himself). I mean, really, he parks his car across the street because the SRO says that everything and everyone on campus is subject to search, but leaves beer and pot in plain site in the car? And on top of that, he brings rolling papers and a pot pipe (complete with resin residue) to school in his pocket - repeatedly - until he's caught?

    Anywho, regardless of the reasons, he seems to be taking advantage of the "opportunity". Yes, he sees this as an opportunity, and has even accepted that not all good decisions are ones you like. He's even dropped the talk of suing the PD, and has started going to the "last hope" alternative ed program to get his degree.

    And most surprising of all: when wife asked him to enroll at the local JUCO in the spring, she suggested photography, art, or some such "easy" class that would help him get into the college mindset. Instead, he blew her out of the water by saying "Nah, I think I'm going to go ahead and get my Math requirements out of the way".

    by the way: he got a 23 on his "official" ACT, and that's after getting an 8 on the science portion because he stopped answering questions.

    So, where's my kid? Not that I necessarily want him back, but this has been a pretty drastic (and dramatic) change for him. And if the courts have their way, it'll be a change he has to live with for at least a year, maybe more (if he agrees to our "funding compromise").

    Oh, and a second asthma attack last month seems to have had an effect as well. This time, the doctors ordered a CAT scan after seeing pneumonia and "other items of concern" on his X-Ray. Funny enough, the CAT scan was a good news/bad news thing. Good news in that his lungs have never been "cleaner" in the three years his doctor has been treating him. Good also in the fact that he doesn't sound like he's going to cough himself to death from Black Lung disease any more (doesn't cough at all, actually).

    Bad news, though, in that they saw early stage lung damage that could lead to emphasyma if he doesn't stay away from all things that smoke (and most other lung irritants). Otherwise, the doctor said that he'd be pushing an oxygen bottle around everywhere he went by the time he was 35, and wouldn't live to see 50. That seemed to hit pretty hard, too.

    So after all that - and with court coming up - we're hoping that a year or two of relatively clean living will give him some perspective on the life he could have if he makes the most of this chance - even if it's enforced from without instead of coming from within. And that he compares it to the life he would have had if things hadn't gone down the way they did.

    But, he's a drug addict. My Bro is living proof that unless the change comes from within, it won't stick. However, our hope and prayer is that seeing the good things that come to him over the next year or two will give him a reason to change that comes from within. If not, then at least he had the chance to see both sides, and make his choice.

    In AA they have a saying - "Act as if...", meaning "If you can't be sober, act as if you are sober, and develop the habits, friends, and lifestyle of a sober person. One day, you may find that it's easier to actually become (and stay) sober than it is to give everything up and go back to being a drunk". In my own way, I'm hoping that the next two years give McWeedy the chance to "act as if", and I hope that when it ends he has the fortitude to make a good choice to keep on the better path.

    But for now, I'll simply thank God that I have a chance to be with my real son again, and take it one day at a time. wife and I needed this to happen. We needed to know that Aaron wasn't completely gone. We needed some reason to have hope, to not give up, and keep trying even when it seemed hopeless. It may, in fact, be hopeless, but getting a breather like this - no matter how long it lasts - is a welcome break from the chaos and frenzy of the last few years.


    PS: For the time being, I'm going to have to come up with a new moniker, since "McWeedy", "Weedwhacker", "Sir Pots-a-Lot", and the other funny but true nicknames aren't currently relevant. Ideas, anyone?
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    How about "my son?"

    It may be court-enforced or -feared but it also sounds like he is enjoying his change. If he weren't girlfriend would be in more of the picture, he'd be resentful that he can't smoke, etc. Let's hope the court works with you in continuing to force him to stay straight.

    For now, enjoy having your son back.
  3. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Well, Mikey, I'm so very glad to hear that things are going better. As I've mentioned a gazillion times, it doesn't matter so much that the decision is not their own (like when I "nudged" my son into rehab). If you lead a horse to water enough, they eventually will drink.

    Whatever the reason that he's been drug free, ENJOY ! Every day he's drug free will reinforce how much better he feels and how much better everyone around him feels.

    Congrats! :bravo:

  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Mikey, I have tears in my eyes too.

    I've been a cheerleader for him since I've been here, and could not be happier to hear that he decided to give it a shot of his own free will.

    Praying extra hard for him...
  5. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Thanks BBK. I wouldn't exactly say it was of his "own free will", but given a fairly limited set of unpalatable choices, he has (so far) chosen well. I'll take it for as long as the ride lasts, but we'll just have to see how long he lets it run. As much as I hate to admit it, I wouldn't rule out an adolescent tantrum somewhere down the line causing problems with his diversion and/or probation.

    But that's then, not now, and for now I'm happy.

    Thanks again,
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm thrilled that there is a more evident reason to "hope" for a
    better future. As the saying goes "one day at a time" but in my
    gut I think that your son may have been "diverted" early enough
    to get on the right path again. I do pray so. DDD
  7. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Excellent news, Mikey!! So happy to hear it. Another saying from AA that comes to my mind is "Fake it til you Make it"

    Seems to fit here, too.

    Oh, and for an idea of a new nickname?

    How about "The UnWeedanator"
  8. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Congrats Mikey,
    I think what really amazes me is the change when the pot leaves their system. They are really two different people.

    I'm super happy for ya, but please keep a look out. Mine was clean for a year then got stressed and went back to it. He didn't go back to the daily "wake and bakes" but used on a much smaller level.

    Again, I'm really, really glad for you. Who cares why he's stopping. I truly am sending lots of prayers that he stays clean forever.
  9. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    Enjoy the new improved son. :thumbsup:

    Hopefully, he will enjoy it as much as you do. :smile:
  10. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Somebody else PM'd me a similar nickname...

    How about "Roundup", as in the weed-killer spray...


  11. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    HI! I feel so happy for you, but I'm sorry to hear about the lung damage. How did he feel about it?

    Any chance that if he gets a community service type of deal it could be helping in a local hospital that treats lung disorders? It might impact him a lot if he sees the end results right in front of him. Putting names and faces on illnesses can sometimes "scare them straight" when it comes to how they can end up.

    AND you can quietly mention that any girl that loved him would be willing to quit to show her support of him in a bad situation. I mean, if he lost his job, would she still use his credit card? :smile:

    Congrats to you and wife! Enjoy the peace!

  12. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Scared, mainly. But then again, he was scared when he nearly died from asthma in April, too. The lung damage is "bad", but unfortunately it's also "early stage", which means that if he stops smoking and stays away from smoke and other irritants, the damage will reverse itself (he's still young enough for that to happen).

    I'm worried that all he heard was "you're young, and the damage isn't permanent". Maybe I'm wrong, though, and he heard the truth. After all, he actually got up this morning and remembered to take all his medications without prompting; quite a feat, since we normally have to leave them out for him then remind him ten times to take them. This morning, he beat us to the breakfast table and took all his medications before I could go down and get them out.

    Maybe there's hope...

    I'm sure that community service will be part of whatever diversion or sentence he receives, and I really like your suggestion. I'll make sure we keep it in mind when working with the prosecutor.

    On Weedette, he's doing a good job of pulling away on his own. For now, I think I'll let him move at his own pace, and only step in if I see him start to really cave in to her. It would be much better if he did this on his own, and claimed victory in his own name without anybody's help.

  13. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    So happy for your family. What a nice way to celebrate the holiday's, and a great new outlook for the new year.
  14. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Mikey, that's GREAT! No matter what the reason he quit, he still quit for now and that's wonderful! Maybe seeing things clearly for a while will convince him how badly he was doing "under the influence".

    See, it wasn't that he COULDN'T quit, it was that he WOULDN'T quit!

    How about ... "Mr. Clean"?
  15. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Sounds to me like a godsend that he has to test clean for somebody else besides you. Takes the pressure off of you and puts it onto someone else. My son was court ordered to rehab a few years back and that to me was such a blessing. He couldn't argue about it, he had to do it or go to jail. Yes he relapsed a few times afterwards, but he in the end put himself back into the same program when he was ready to do it. Whatever got him there isn't important. The fact that he got there is.

    Sounds like this is a going to be a wonderful holiday season for all of you.

    Glad to hear that the girlfriend isn't really happen with who he is becoming and that he's showing some indepence from her. My difficult child wasn't able to make the changes he needed until he broke all ties with wingnut. His addiction to her was as lethal as the drugs he was doing and for today, they are both a part of his past.
  16. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Wow! That's wonderful news. I didn't expect this when I opened the thread. :bravo:

  17. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Wow Mikey what a turn around I am soooo happy to hear your good news. Sorry about the lung issue though. Lets just hope that he stays on this path and stays healthy. I have a name idea for ya, How about New Model? Lol!! sounds like hes a totally different person, Yay!!!!! Blessings to you and your family. :)