My attitude is different.
I think we as mothers want to believe that our adult kids (and many 18 year olds are serving our country) want to come "home" (it is our home, not theirs) because they love us so much and want to be with us. I couldnt disagree more. A healthy young adult shows how much they love us by saying "you did such a great job that I can now leave the nest and be secure. Thanks for helping me grow up, Mom and Dad.i will still visit and love you, but I need to follow your example and make it on my own!"
When over 18s want to come home to mom and dad in my opinion it is usually not to get our love...they have that no matter where they are. It is usually to dodge bills, have us pay for them, do the laundry (all my kids, even autistic son) have done this since age twelve, and to also have extra money often to buy booze, drugs, and stay partying children.
Adult children resent our rules in general and tend to regress while living with parents. The parent/child dynamic tends to play out. It is not a good thing usually unless the adult is severely disabled and child like and willing to follow our rules.
It goes against what we wish (me too) that our adult children love us so much that they want to stay at our side. But that is not what adults truly want to do. Did you want to live with Mom at 19? 25? 30? Of course not. Did the fact that you wanted your independrnce mean you no longer loved your family? Of course not.
The norm is that young adults want independence. I feel that if they beg to come home it is not about us but them. They like the ease, the extra money, the meals, the delaying of growing up. It is not because they love us so much...they love us when they move on. All of my particular kids moved out by 20, even autistic son. All are self supporting. All call me and tell me they love me all the time. Even Bart, my hardest.
I dont think its smart (you can disagree) to encourage adults to come live with us. Unless we can tolerate their disobeying our rules. Unless we dont mind if they dont grow up.Even disabled adult kids, like my autistic son, need to learn how to access services and live on their own. We can not live forever. We must prepare them for that day.
At some point our adult kids stop needing a mommy who puts bandages on knees and needs a strong Mother, a friend, a rock, someone to talk to as they navigate life as independent adults. I would not bring an adult child back to us. It in my opinion does not serve anyone.
We can be Mom and be there for them without having them in our space. That doesnt help them. It doesnt help us. They need to be on their own. Blaming us for their problems is a manipulation. They are adults and need to get over it. Every person on earth has "problems." So what? Only that person can get help to get over them. Do all of us have no problems?
Did we live with Mom?
Off the soap box