Lost in sadness
Active Member
Hi All
The last time I visited this site was on the 15th June. I am sorry I did not reply to everyone. I couldn't have been more broken and I just needed to do something different and not spend my life consumed in the pain and misery inflicted by my 19year old son. You may remember he ended up in a homeless hostel, the absolute pits. To start with he appeared to be continuing in the same life and there was nothing I could do or say that would change it. I backed off a bit.
Then, one day, he put his suit on and went to the job agencies - all by himself!! He got an interview that very afternoon and got the job! I will be honest and say, I did not hold out much hope. History told me that he lasts a day doing something positive. It's been three months, and he is still there!! In fact, only today has he sent me a screen shot of his rankings. He is number one in the company and has received a bonus. I just cried. He has now been offered a contract. He works 6 days a week 9-6 and loves it! It has saved him! This weekend we moved him out of the hostel and into a house share. We have said if he makes this work and is still in a job he can move back home at Christmas.
Now, I am so proud. It is not 100% but his life is 100% better than it was 6 months ago. He comes for dinner once a week and stays over. He is respectful, polite and well behaved. There is a lot of water under the bridge and the pain is still very raw. It still feels like its hanging on a thread and I feel on edge about the possibility of him coming back here permanently. He talks about his experiences almost in disbelief that is was him and that he behaved in such a way and he does appear to be a different person.
Why can I not quite believe it? There is still a little anger and agitation in him that can be ignited but in no way how he was, so he can snap a little but no longer calls me names or swears at me. He IS still smoking weed, more than he tells us as I do still secretly read his messages! This worries me. What I don't understand is what happened to the abusive, horrible person that once was, where has he gone? Will he come back? Should I insist he does not do drugs at all or do I just be so grateful that he is doing well back on the right track.
The situation is everything i could have dreamed of, so why do I still live with a nagging doubt in my stomach. xxx
The last time I visited this site was on the 15th June. I am sorry I did not reply to everyone. I couldn't have been more broken and I just needed to do something different and not spend my life consumed in the pain and misery inflicted by my 19year old son. You may remember he ended up in a homeless hostel, the absolute pits. To start with he appeared to be continuing in the same life and there was nothing I could do or say that would change it. I backed off a bit.
Then, one day, he put his suit on and went to the job agencies - all by himself!! He got an interview that very afternoon and got the job! I will be honest and say, I did not hold out much hope. History told me that he lasts a day doing something positive. It's been three months, and he is still there!! In fact, only today has he sent me a screen shot of his rankings. He is number one in the company and has received a bonus. I just cried. He has now been offered a contract. He works 6 days a week 9-6 and loves it! It has saved him! This weekend we moved him out of the hostel and into a house share. We have said if he makes this work and is still in a job he can move back home at Christmas.
Now, I am so proud. It is not 100% but his life is 100% better than it was 6 months ago. He comes for dinner once a week and stays over. He is respectful, polite and well behaved. There is a lot of water under the bridge and the pain is still very raw. It still feels like its hanging on a thread and I feel on edge about the possibility of him coming back here permanently. He talks about his experiences almost in disbelief that is was him and that he behaved in such a way and he does appear to be a different person.
Why can I not quite believe it? There is still a little anger and agitation in him that can be ignited but in no way how he was, so he can snap a little but no longer calls me names or swears at me. He IS still smoking weed, more than he tells us as I do still secretly read his messages! This worries me. What I don't understand is what happened to the abusive, horrible person that once was, where has he gone? Will he come back? Should I insist he does not do drugs at all or do I just be so grateful that he is doing well back on the right track.
The situation is everything i could have dreamed of, so why do I still live with a nagging doubt in my stomach. xxx