Need a pep talk

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by happymomof2, Feb 22, 2008.

  1. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    Well he has been almost a perfect student since he went back to school after Christmas break. I have been sooooooo proud of him.

    My cell phone rang a few minutes ago - and you know those numbers you see on your caller I.D. and you say oh no. Yep, he managed to disrespect a teacher and use foul language to boot and was sent to the BRT room. You know the one with cubicles and a warden?

    I feel like crying. I am disappointed, hurt and angry with him. I agree with the referral. But unlike a "normal" kid that would get a referral to the office and get a good talking to this affects him more severe - he had just went from yellow to green now he is back on yellow. I am not sure how far back on yellow yet. He will be spending the rest of the day with the warden but at least school is almost out. He will go back Monday and spend 5th period with the warden again. If all goes well things will resume as normal Tuesday.

    I want to choke him. He has done so well - not sure if I should slam him with punishment at home too. Having to be with the warden is pretty bad punishment itself.

    What would you guys do??
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Llama Mamma,

    Okay - lets look at this from the kids point of view - HE has maintained it since Christmas - THAT is PHENOMINAL. I mean WOW - there are some who never see one day of normal - you got almost 2 months of it - and......

    In the mean time - you let your parental shield down and got comfy with the feeling of having a child who wasn't giving you extra things to worry about.

    It has probably been incredibly hard for him -and devastating for you today.

    HOWEVER - Tomorrow is another day, and the day after that is another day and you're left here wondering WHY if he can hold it together for 2 months - WHY OH WHY did he blow his cork today? And....truth is - NO ONE KNOWS.

    What I have learned over the years is that anytime I got comfy it was like someone pulled my string - and instant uncomfy- So while I know you are upset - because it feels like OH CRUD NOW IT is STARTING all OVER - just take it ONE day at a time.

    And the school SHOULD and COULD send a shadow for him - if he has an IEP you can request this - THAT way if he DOES get sent somewhere like the CUBE - he'll have someone to process the event with if he wants to - and the School District foots the bill.

    HOWS THAT FOR PEE?? oops PEP. :crazy1:

  3. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    Thanks so much Star, they did just set him back one day and I did give him the lecture of how important it is for him to behave. I know it's been hard for him to pull this off and yes I did start getting comfortable, and it felt so good!! Guess that is why I wanted to start crying when I got that phone call.

    His side of the story was he started drumming on the desk and the teach ask him why he was doing that and he said because I can. Then stopped drumming and opened his book. Teach didn't like the remark and sent him out. Granted he should have kept that comment to himself.

    We shall see what Monday brings.

    Thanks again your words helped!
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Llama Moma

    I swear I busted out laughing when I heard "Because I can" - I'm so sorry for that teacher = that would have made me laugh. But then I would have made a rule about no drumming on the table.

    -I'm the one who wants to stick a cork in the mouths of men who walk around and whistle - I HATE whistlers - I don't want to hear them whistle a tune or that odd, no-rhyme whistling that is just loud and irritating enough for me and a dog to hear. And honest to Pete - I've struck up conversations with men JUST to make them STOP whistling for any length of time - what I want to do is scream SHUT UP - or sneak up behind them with a boat horn and blow - then say "I thought you'd like MY whistle too....oh I see not." ARGH

    Yeah - I recognized comfy because that's what I allowed myself to do with Dude this last month - and dang if he is NOT back to being uber ugly emo boy.

    _I think I got more angry at myself for being upset and crying 1/2 the night - because I KNEW it would happen. I think I even said "Stupid Star - you were just playing house again." so i know how frustrated you are.

    I would ask the teacher to make finger drumming a no no if it bothers her.

  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I agree with Star. Almost shy of two months without incident is GREAT!!!!! Consequences were given at school and should stay at school. Naturally you want to speak to him about his tone and the disrespectful words.

    In our house we have a rule. If consequences are given at school, then it's done with consequences. Any work not completed at school is done for homework - no exception. The only thing there is home punishment for (along with any school punishment) is touching someone else physically with any part of your body. Then, in addition to any punishment he receives at school, he is not allowed anything with an on or off switch (tv, computer, gameboy, etc.) for as many days as I deem as serious as the offense is.

  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Maybe difficult child and the teacher were just pms'ing? lol

    1 bad time in a 2 month period? Most "regular" kids don't have that!

    "Because I can"!!! I love it!!!

  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    He got cubicles and a warden for FINGER DRUMMING?? And a smart remark????? Sounds like the teacher is really tough to get along with. If that was not allowed then some of the guys who made my hs days miserable would never have seen the inside of a classroom.

    Is there a rule about no finger drumming? Many many teenage boys make "repetitve motions", so do many many other children. I think it is a function of being a child. I can see asking him to stop, but what kind of I-D-I-O-T asks WHY instead of telling/asking the person to stop?

    1 bad day out of a couple of months is really pretty good. Nowadays, some schools make it impossible for ANYONE to graduate with-o a detention or a day with cubicles and a warden.

    I do NOT mean all schools, just that I personally know of a number of them. Maybe it would be a good idea to talk with the teacher (or email?) and suggest that asking why is probably NOT the best way to handle him? With both my difficult child and my bro, asking why opened yourself up to a whole new range of problems. And really, how many people who are tapping, drumming, whistling, clicking, clacking or making other repetitive noises/movements knows WHY?? And WHO CARES as long as they STOP???

    Star, I am right there with you on the whistling.

    Sorry he had a bad day.


  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like difficult child is doing great overall!!! If that is the whole story I'm surprised to hear he would be sent out. She would have done better to laugh it off and moved on with her lesson.
  9. aeditha17

    aeditha17 New Member

    Y'know, there is something about teachers who take a little think like that to the extreme that just chaps my hide! She should have simply and quietly, meant for only him, told him to stop. Sometimes the smart remarks come because they have been called out in front of everyone and they are trying to save face. If she had gone over to him while the others were on assignment and leaned over quietly, made eye contact and said "Please stop drumming your fingers, it is distracting me. Thanks" I bet he would have responded appropriately. Kids like our spend their lives defending themselves and it is knee-jerk to lash at even little things.
    I just got an email from my 11 y/o's teacher crying disrespect because he had the audacity to rearrange his take home papers out of the order she mandated. What?!?!?!? He has ADHD like a son of a gun - order of papers in a take home folder is a ridiculous issue - i am thankful if they get home at all!
    Does this teacher of his have children? I find that the most trouble I have is with the young teachers how have no children. They simply don't have any real-work experience to draw from.
    OK. I'm done.
  10. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    You know, I was thinking about this. A gentle hand on his shoulder and a quiet, "that's a little loud" would have probably solved the whole thing.

    I still think Teach was having a bad day!