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Substance Abuse
Need Advice-19 yr old college son trying marijuanna and ?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 7569" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I did not read all the replies, so please forgive me if I'm repetitious. First off, it sounds like he's selling too. Not surprising. The rule is, you use and you sell. My daughter, who knows first hand, says that if you use drugs, you also sell them. Also, I'd be surprised if your son never touched pot before college, although you never caught him. We were so stupid--we had no clue our daughter smoked pot regularly until several years later, when she'd moved on to cocaine and amphetimines (yup, those ADHD drugs--Adderrall was big with her and her friends. They crushed it in a pillcrusher, snorted it alone or with coke.) She's tried everything. Here's our story and what we did. </p><p></p><p>I have a 22 year old who started using drugs at 12. Yes, 12. We don't even drink and her two older brothers never did any drugs, but she was insecure and we'd moved, and she did. My thoughts: Personally, I don't have enough money to pay for everything for my kids, but, even if I did, I hope I'd not do it. My daughter, while using drugs, had to pay for everything herself, which meant she had to WORK, which meant we never subsidized a dime of her drug use. She went to a tech college on her own dime. She also quit using drugs on her own at 19. I think if we'd handed her money, she wouldnt' have had the incentive to quit. We actually made her leave the house at 18 because we also had two other kids, she was very abusive to us, she wouldn't stop, and we got tired of seeing the police on our doorstep (and it scared her little brother and sister). As soon as her nest was taken away, she suddenly straightened up. I also am not a big fan of sending kids away to college, the way college is now. Nobody watches our kids and I know from experience that drugs and sex are off-the-charts in dorms. So why pay for THAT? They can get an education by living at home and going to a nearby college, without the extra education of drugs and perhaps picking up some nifty STDs. Your story is SOOOOOOO common. My sister went away to school and got pregnant twice. She doesn't think that would have happened at home. Parents didnt know--still don't--she had two abortions. I wouldn't give your kid another dime. in my opinion only he needs to work for his education to appricate it more. If he wants to go away to school, he needs to earn that right by acting mature and responsible. I'd also take away the car. I pulled my daughter's license on her a few times. LSD is serious! My daughter knows druggies who are messed up for life from one bad LSD experience--some of her buddies who are "not right" anymore. Those experiences also encouraged her to quit. Drug use doesn't usually calm down in a college setting. Drugs are there for the taking. My two older kids who never did drugs also never went away to college. Both are highly financially successful. One is incredibly mature, but he always had to pay his own way. He is already quite wealthy, but plans on making his kids work for all they have--he thinks it's the best way. I would do more than just take a stand at home. For the sake of your son, I'd take a strong across-the-board stand. Is there a college he can go to where he can live at home and work for his tuition? I hope he has to pay for his car insurance and gas. All my kids had to do that or they couldn't drive. Again, we aren't perfect parents and our daughter got into drugs. But I wonder if she would have ever quit if it had been easy for her to keep doing it. She's been clean a long time now and the stories she tells me about her druggie days curl my toes. I had no idea it was that bad. You don't know how bad it is with your kid. They don't tell us. It's always "my first time and I'll never do it agian." We believed her. We were fools. I'd put my foot down BIG TIME now, from one who has been there. (((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 7569, member: 1550"] I did not read all the replies, so please forgive me if I'm repetitious. First off, it sounds like he's selling too. Not surprising. The rule is, you use and you sell. My daughter, who knows first hand, says that if you use drugs, you also sell them. Also, I'd be surprised if your son never touched pot before college, although you never caught him. We were so stupid--we had no clue our daughter smoked pot regularly until several years later, when she'd moved on to cocaine and amphetimines (yup, those ADHD drugs--Adderrall was big with her and her friends. They crushed it in a pillcrusher, snorted it alone or with coke.) She's tried everything. Here's our story and what we did. I have a 22 year old who started using drugs at 12. Yes, 12. We don't even drink and her two older brothers never did any drugs, but she was insecure and we'd moved, and she did. My thoughts: Personally, I don't have enough money to pay for everything for my kids, but, even if I did, I hope I'd not do it. My daughter, while using drugs, had to pay for everything herself, which meant she had to WORK, which meant we never subsidized a dime of her drug use. She went to a tech college on her own dime. She also quit using drugs on her own at 19. I think if we'd handed her money, she wouldnt' have had the incentive to quit. We actually made her leave the house at 18 because we also had two other kids, she was very abusive to us, she wouldn't stop, and we got tired of seeing the police on our doorstep (and it scared her little brother and sister). As soon as her nest was taken away, she suddenly straightened up. I also am not a big fan of sending kids away to college, the way college is now. Nobody watches our kids and I know from experience that drugs and sex are off-the-charts in dorms. So why pay for THAT? They can get an education by living at home and going to a nearby college, without the extra education of drugs and perhaps picking up some nifty STDs. Your story is SOOOOOOO common. My sister went away to school and got pregnant twice. She doesn't think that would have happened at home. Parents didnt know--still don't--she had two abortions. I wouldn't give your kid another dime. in my opinion only he needs to work for his education to appricate it more. If he wants to go away to school, he needs to earn that right by acting mature and responsible. I'd also take away the car. I pulled my daughter's license on her a few times. LSD is serious! My daughter knows druggies who are messed up for life from one bad LSD experience--some of her buddies who are "not right" anymore. Those experiences also encouraged her to quit. Drug use doesn't usually calm down in a college setting. Drugs are there for the taking. My two older kids who never did drugs also never went away to college. Both are highly financially successful. One is incredibly mature, but he always had to pay his own way. He is already quite wealthy, but plans on making his kids work for all they have--he thinks it's the best way. I would do more than just take a stand at home. For the sake of your son, I'd take a strong across-the-board stand. Is there a college he can go to where he can live at home and work for his tuition? I hope he has to pay for his car insurance and gas. All my kids had to do that or they couldn't drive. Again, we aren't perfect parents and our daughter got into drugs. But I wonder if she would have ever quit if it had been easy for her to keep doing it. She's been clean a long time now and the stories she tells me about her druggie days curl my toes. I had no idea it was that bad. You don't know how bad it is with your kid. They don't tell us. It's always "my first time and I'll never do it agian." We believed her. We were fools. I'd put my foot down BIG TIME now, from one who has been there. (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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