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Need advice on detaching from daughter in difficult family dynamic
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 636900" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This is really not so complicated considering some stuff you read on here <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I would not have unfriended my daughter. That's in my opinion a hostile act and sure to hurt me. Your daughter has a big mouth and feels she can speak out and say what she likes and maybe she feels her brothers are inferior. If that's the case, I would make this a simple solution. You say she doesn't really like to go to family events anyway. Well,I'd invite her to go to them, but I'd say, "...however, if you come and deliberately try to cause drama with your brothes...in front of Grandma...we don't really want our holiday to be that way. We'd love to see you, but if you feel the need to speak out, it is better if you go with your boyfriend." Then let her decide.</p><p></p><p>Don't worry about the past. It is over. What you need to think about is now and setting boundaries so that the majority of you are comfortable. It is difficult when an entire family has to walk on eggshells around one person, and it's not pleasant. Politics is not a good topic for the Thanksgiving table if it is going to escalate into shouting and violence. You can even tell her, "Politics is going to be a forbidden topic at my dinner table." Your house/your rules. If she dislikes it, she will go elsewhere, but you still did not reject her. You gave her a choice with boundaries.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, that's my two cents. It is something I would do. However, I would not have thrown a mild mother tantrum by unfriending her. I always try (not always easy) to be the head adult in my family and not get caught up in petty drama of my own creation. Makes life more serene <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 636900, member: 1550"] This is really not so complicated considering some stuff you read on here :) I would not have unfriended my daughter. That's in my opinion a hostile act and sure to hurt me. Your daughter has a big mouth and feels she can speak out and say what she likes and maybe she feels her brothers are inferior. If that's the case, I would make this a simple solution. You say she doesn't really like to go to family events anyway. Well,I'd invite her to go to them, but I'd say, "...however, if you come and deliberately try to cause drama with your brothes...in front of Grandma...we don't really want our holiday to be that way. We'd love to see you, but if you feel the need to speak out, it is better if you go with your boyfriend." Then let her decide. Don't worry about the past. It is over. What you need to think about is now and setting boundaries so that the majority of you are comfortable. It is difficult when an entire family has to walk on eggshells around one person, and it's not pleasant. Politics is not a good topic for the Thanksgiving table if it is going to escalate into shouting and violence. You can even tell her, "Politics is going to be a forbidden topic at my dinner table." Your house/your rules. If she dislikes it, she will go elsewhere, but you still did not reject her. You gave her a choice with boundaries. Anyhow, that's my two cents. It is something I would do. However, I would not have thrown a mild mother tantrum by unfriending her. I always try (not always easy) to be the head adult in my family and not get caught up in petty drama of my own creation. Makes life more serene :) [/QUOTE]
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Need advice on detaching from daughter in difficult family dynamic
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