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Need advice on detaching from daughter in difficult family dynamic
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<blockquote data-quote="Origami" data-source="post: 636954" data-attributes="member: 18099"><p>Rosebette, your family dynamics sound a lot like mine. I have two difficult child sons (age 27 and 17) living at home and a easy child daughter (age 20) who lives in the university dorm not far from here. The two sons hate/love each other depending on the day, and daughter likes to correct her younger brother when he spouts his derogatory, racist, rude, crude (you name it) stuff around her. I can almost see the delight in his eyes when he can tell he's finally pushed her to the point where she's screaming at him. The trouble is, she can't let anything go, and instead of walking away or choosing not to respond to his taunts, she gets on her high horse and tells him he's a failure because he dropped out of high school, only has his GED, etc. while she's always been a good student. Their last blowup, which I feel was mainly instigated by her, ended up with the three of them fighting physically and me calling the police. Not a fun evening.</p><p></p><p>How to deal with it? I would say that the advice from MidwestMom and Recoveringenabler is right on target. I'm just learning to set up boundaries. I did talk to all my kids since the big event and told them that we won't have any more fights like that in this house. My husband and I have agreed that, if they refuse to stop or take their argument elsewhere, we will call the police again. The boys especially don't want that since the older one has a pending felony charge and the younger one wants to join the military and neither one wants any police reports on their record. They've actually been getting along fine since then (knock on wood).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Origami, post: 636954, member: 18099"] Rosebette, your family dynamics sound a lot like mine. I have two difficult child sons (age 27 and 17) living at home and a easy child daughter (age 20) who lives in the university dorm not far from here. The two sons hate/love each other depending on the day, and daughter likes to correct her younger brother when he spouts his derogatory, racist, rude, crude (you name it) stuff around her. I can almost see the delight in his eyes when he can tell he's finally pushed her to the point where she's screaming at him. The trouble is, she can't let anything go, and instead of walking away or choosing not to respond to his taunts, she gets on her high horse and tells him he's a failure because he dropped out of high school, only has his GED, etc. while she's always been a good student. Their last blowup, which I feel was mainly instigated by her, ended up with the three of them fighting physically and me calling the police. Not a fun evening. How to deal with it? I would say that the advice from MidwestMom and Recoveringenabler is right on target. I'm just learning to set up boundaries. I did talk to all my kids since the big event and told them that we won't have any more fights like that in this house. My husband and I have agreed that, if they refuse to stop or take their argument elsewhere, we will call the police again. The boys especially don't want that since the older one has a pending felony charge and the younger one wants to join the military and neither one wants any police reports on their record. They've actually been getting along fine since then (knock on wood). [/QUOTE]
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Need advice on detaching from daughter in difficult family dynamic
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