Need Advice, on Divorce Situation

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Jen, Nov 9, 2007.

  1. Jen

    Jen New Member

    My daughter is in the military, and is seperated from her husband. He will be bringing their son out to where she is stationed til next April, when she is deployed.
    To protect her (she is seeing a military lawyer), I had some questions. First, if she puts our names down as her replacements while she is gone for her son, so her soon to be ex husband cannot pull any horrible stunts while she is gone, like full custody would it work? We have already in the last 8 months personally , adn finacialy supported him 100%. I dont think my sister in law would pull anything , cause with-o us he would have never made it on his own to take care of grandson. I have alot of pple that could attest to that. Secondly, My sister in law was in the hospital a few months ago, and there is 500.00 in bills left over to pay, that her insurance didnt pay. I have paid a portion of it, and he has not paid any of it. He is not checked in to the finances mentally. He acknowledges it, but doesnt do anything about it. So my daughter says leave it alon, dont pay those bills. If I pay her half ( she will reimburse ), how do we make him accountable for his half. The bills some say his name but the majority says her names, adn stupid enough has her maiden name on it, and her military insurance is in her married name. Go figure that.

    On another note, my difficult child son is doing well. He and his wife have their own place they are renting, adn both are working. Thier son is flourishing.

    As for his children by his ex fiance, we have had no contact with them since the first of July. We have decided even though she is in contempt we are not going to court. There is no sure thing that she wont do this on a yrly basis costing us money. We have contact with her Dad, adn will use him as a laison for gifts at special holidays and events. In the meantime , rumour has it she is now pregnant by her controlling boyfriend. I maybe wrong, but I dont see her marrying him either.

    Been reading posts, some frustrating, and some good.


  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I would suggest that her military attorney advise your daughter on the custody arrangements while she is deployed. Were they seperated prior to her joining the military? If so, what type of arrangements were made then? Does he have physical custody of his daughter?

    I would imagine that if they share custody, you could be appropriated as her stand in while she is deployed. That's just an assumption on my part though.

    In regards to debts, if they occurred before the legal seperation they are shared 50/50. If his surgery happened after they were legally seperated, he is responsible.

  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Her putting you down as temporary guardians might work for a while, but as soon as he filed for custody, he would get it unless you could prove he was a danger to the child. You could countersue for grandparents rights, which include visitation.

    The hospital won't consider that your daughter is liable for only half the hospital bill. Whoever was liable - and that can be two people - are both equally responsible for the whole bill.

    I'm glad to hear that your difficult child is doing well. He's come a long way. It's good that you have contact with the other Grandfather. I know that the lack of contact right now is very painful, but you are right about her pulling the same thing over and over. She will, and the judge will probably just slap her on the wrist. But, with grandpa involved, I would wager that one day he will tell her to straighten up her act and do the right thing.

    Keep your chin up!
  4. Jen

    Jen New Member

    They are unofficially seperated. She is seeking military legal assistance. He has been taking care of their son back here, but with either my son, or our help physically, emotionally and finacially. His family has been hardly any hands on help.
    as for the bills she has paid her halfof his bills but they come here in her name and not his. I have kept proof of the half of the payments she or we have paind. She tells me not to pay anymore. She rather see her name in bad credit listing for now till she finalizes things, and I guess make him accontable for his half. He couldnt even get a car in his name with-o her co signing this last summer.

  5. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    This is why hospitals or any business wants more than one name on the account. They could care less that she has paid "her half".....they want the rest and know they have received payment from her in the past so knowing that they can't get "blood" out of a turnip will turn to her for the rest.... She needs to get her name off anything she doesn't want to pay for. She should be talking to her attorney as quickly as possible....file for legal separation....its only gonna get worse, because he isn't paying for anything and apparently doesn't feel any need to....
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Maybe a good question for HER to ask her atty. I would think that both parents would have to sign and notarize some type of in the event of guardianship paperwork for you and husband.