Hi All - I have sort of had my whole life blow up lately and I am really struggling. My 16 y/o girl and I "had words" about a week ago. And let's just say it wasn't pretty. I feel awful about some things I said to her, and I would give anything to take them back but realize I can't. The damage is done. Now she is completely ignorning my various outreaches to her to say I'm sorry and can we meet, talk, and work on our relationship. There is a theory that ignoring someone is actually worse than yelling at them (and now I agree that is true - total silence hurts incredibly much) although I do understand she probably now needs her space, whereas I am more proactive at trying to solve problems. My "ex" and I have joint custody and the schedule is supposed to involve her spending 50/50 time at both households. What sparked my angry words at her was months' worth of pent-up emotions (mine) regarding her behaviors over the past 1+ years. She was repeatedly violating curfew and not communicating anything to me re: her whereabouts or situations even though she carries a cell phone at all times. This, for the times I was assigned to have her under my watch. She would spend entire nights elsewhere and not tell me. I would then wake up the next morning to find she had never come home. This is one example of the behavior that has both driven me crazy and made me very fearful for her well-being and safety. I also have woken up at, say, 2:00AM, to find she had snuck out of the house and not left me a note, text, or anything. My impression is that her father has fed this problem because he has been so laid back with her, not having rules or boundaries for her when she's with him. Basically I think he has enabled the "Wild Child" that our daughter has become. Then, when I tried to get tough, she would flee me, to run to him, because I was suddenly the "Bad Parent". My daughter told me once that he told her he is afraid to discipline because he doesn't want his kid to dislike or hate him. Compounding my pain - my "ex" (I know him well) is probably going to sue for sole custody. And with her not wanting to live with me (for now) he has more of a leg to stand on with this. He, too, is completely ignoring me by not returning my messages, to meet, talk, etc. Mother/Daughter counseling is badly needed, I know. But: #1) She will refuse to go; #2) How can you ask her to go when she won't even talk or relate with me at all? I am currently undergoing individual counseling and it's helping. Apologies for the rather long post. More than open to suggestions for how to deal. Thanks!