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NEED ADVICE talked to difficult child's PO today!
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 13658" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>Karen, "Whatever you decide, make sure you and husband decide together. You don't want this turning into a nightmare and getting between you and husband because you didn't agree on the decision. "</p><p></p><p>Most definately will do that. I have turned difficult child's room into a sewing/reading room.</p><p>He had trashed it so bad and I put alot of work into repairing and painting and decorating it. I refuse to give it up so If difficult child is allowed back he will have a tiny room at the back of the house and will have to pass by my door to get in and out of it. That has it's plusses and minuses. I will be more aware of his commings and goings but he will be close to my room and I will have to make sure it is secure at all times. difficult child has stolen from me many times in the past. It will also mean merging husband's office space with mine. Not a big problem since husband no longer works from home. I will also need to put a long distance code on my telephone and many other precautions. UG! Life has been so easy without him here. this time I will have zero support from family members. easy child 1 says her primary concern is to protect her kids from any of difficult child's fallout a decision I totally support. easy child 2 hates the idea of difficult child comming home and will probably move out as soon as he can if difficult child returns here. difficult child 1 and her husband say they are totally "done" with difficult child and want no contact. husband is gone more than he is home. I have no illusions that I will have any real influence on my difficult child. All I can hope is that he hates prison enough to shape up if he has some support. </p><p></p><p>DDD- your points are well taken. On one hand I want to give difficult child a chance on the other my stomach turns at the thought of having to deal with difficult child's many repulsive and destructive behaviors on a daily basis. Does he get it and will he conform to a set of rules? I haven't a clue and really no one can know for sure. Can I find other halfway houses in better neighborhoods? No, I have spent hours and hours searching. difficult child is closed out of many because of his MH issues or his assault charge or both. Will I be responsible for all his expenses. He is 19 so probably not but he will have no income if I don't support him. He is not going to have an easy time finding a job and he really needs to concentrat on getting himself together. I still get a small stipend for him that will last until his 21 birthday. It will help but not cover his living expenses totally. husband and I have private health ins for him until he is 23. That should help get him good mental health services. With a new evaluation and a new diagnosis he might qualify for additional assistance that will take him past his 21 birthday. </p><p></p><p>I really think there should be work farms all over the country that are located very rurally out in the boonies so to speak where difficult child's like mine could live and work and make a valuable contribution without having access to towns and cities where they can get into trouble. entertainment would be brought to them on site. Their work would pay their way and they would have like companions and a sence of belonging and achievement. The families would not be brdened with expensive treatment programs that are temporary. Placement would be for their lifetime not just a year or a couple of months. Like assisted living but better because the difficult child's would be self supporting through their work raising food for or nation. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 13658, member: 2315"] Karen, "Whatever you decide, make sure you and husband decide together. You don't want this turning into a nightmare and getting between you and husband because you didn't agree on the decision. " Most definately will do that. I have turned difficult child's room into a sewing/reading room. He had trashed it so bad and I put alot of work into repairing and painting and decorating it. I refuse to give it up so If difficult child is allowed back he will have a tiny room at the back of the house and will have to pass by my door to get in and out of it. That has it's plusses and minuses. I will be more aware of his commings and goings but he will be close to my room and I will have to make sure it is secure at all times. difficult child has stolen from me many times in the past. It will also mean merging husband's office space with mine. Not a big problem since husband no longer works from home. I will also need to put a long distance code on my telephone and many other precautions. UG! Life has been so easy without him here. this time I will have zero support from family members. easy child 1 says her primary concern is to protect her kids from any of difficult child's fallout a decision I totally support. easy child 2 hates the idea of difficult child comming home and will probably move out as soon as he can if difficult child returns here. difficult child 1 and her husband say they are totally "done" with difficult child and want no contact. husband is gone more than he is home. I have no illusions that I will have any real influence on my difficult child. All I can hope is that he hates prison enough to shape up if he has some support. DDD- your points are well taken. On one hand I want to give difficult child a chance on the other my stomach turns at the thought of having to deal with difficult child's many repulsive and destructive behaviors on a daily basis. Does he get it and will he conform to a set of rules? I haven't a clue and really no one can know for sure. Can I find other halfway houses in better neighborhoods? No, I have spent hours and hours searching. difficult child is closed out of many because of his MH issues or his assault charge or both. Will I be responsible for all his expenses. He is 19 so probably not but he will have no income if I don't support him. He is not going to have an easy time finding a job and he really needs to concentrat on getting himself together. I still get a small stipend for him that will last until his 21 birthday. It will help but not cover his living expenses totally. husband and I have private health ins for him until he is 23. That should help get him good mental health services. With a new evaluation and a new diagnosis he might qualify for additional assistance that will take him past his 21 birthday. I really think there should be work farms all over the country that are located very rurally out in the boonies so to speak where difficult child's like mine could live and work and make a valuable contribution without having access to towns and cities where they can get into trouble. entertainment would be brought to them on site. Their work would pay their way and they would have like companions and a sence of belonging and achievement. The families would not be brdened with expensive treatment programs that are temporary. Placement would be for their lifetime not just a year or a couple of months. Like assisted living but better because the difficult child's would be self supporting through their work raising food for or nation. -RM [/QUOTE]
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