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Need advice to give to a dear friend
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 638424" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>GM, here's my 2 cents. </p><p></p><p>Just having raised a teenager, I can see how you would be concerned because girls without friends in HS are at a big disadvantage. </p><p></p><p>Since I've had centuries of therapy, one thing I do know is that kids who have at least one person who takes an interest in them, can overcome a lot. If you know this girl, perhaps you might just take her out to lunch and discuss her grandmothers worries. Put it to her directly, just as you have to us, what will her reaction be to not be able to see her one friend. She may need guidance to be able to pull away from someone who is not doing what she believes is right. I remember my granddaughter on some occasions telling her friends, "No my grandmother won't let me go" and being somewhat happy about it, she didn't know how to get out of it on her own and I made the decision.</p><p></p><p>Or she might be very scared to not have any friends. You might discuss how she feels about being bullied too. You don't have to have answers, you can just be a good listener.</p><p></p><p>If you know the girl maybe you can just be someone she can check in with on occasion. I have been that person for a bunch of teenagers over the years. Not to save them or rescue them, but I like kids and they like me and I am a good listener, and I don't judge or point fingers or presume to know what is right for them. Just a committed listener who cares. As some of these kids grew up, they came back to tell me how much it meant to them to have an adult care enough to just listen. And in some cases offer guidance if they were open to it. </p><p></p><p>When I was that lonely kid, there were adults who showed an interest in me too. It mattered a lot. </p><p></p><p>Just my opinion GM, as always, you have to do what feels right to you. It's tough to be on the sidelines and watch a friend suffer in her own choices, your friend has a lot on her plate. So does her granddaughter. So do you. Sometimes it's appropriate and the right thing to do to offer a helping hand, sometimes it is not. It's kind and compassionate of you to want to help your friend and her granddaughter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 638424, member: 13542"] GM, here's my 2 cents. Just having raised a teenager, I can see how you would be concerned because girls without friends in HS are at a big disadvantage. Since I've had centuries of therapy, one thing I do know is that kids who have at least one person who takes an interest in them, can overcome a lot. If you know this girl, perhaps you might just take her out to lunch and discuss her grandmothers worries. Put it to her directly, just as you have to us, what will her reaction be to not be able to see her one friend. She may need guidance to be able to pull away from someone who is not doing what she believes is right. I remember my granddaughter on some occasions telling her friends, "No my grandmother won't let me go" and being somewhat happy about it, she didn't know how to get out of it on her own and I made the decision. Or she might be very scared to not have any friends. You might discuss how she feels about being bullied too. You don't have to have answers, you can just be a good listener. If you know the girl maybe you can just be someone she can check in with on occasion. I have been that person for a bunch of teenagers over the years. Not to save them or rescue them, but I like kids and they like me and I am a good listener, and I don't judge or point fingers or presume to know what is right for them. Just a committed listener who cares. As some of these kids grew up, they came back to tell me how much it meant to them to have an adult care enough to just listen. And in some cases offer guidance if they were open to it. When I was that lonely kid, there were adults who showed an interest in me too. It mattered a lot. Just my opinion GM, as always, you have to do what feels right to you. It's tough to be on the sidelines and watch a friend suffer in her own choices, your friend has a lot on her plate. So does her granddaughter. So do you. Sometimes it's appropriate and the right thing to do to offer a helping hand, sometimes it is not. It's kind and compassionate of you to want to help your friend and her granddaughter. [/QUOTE]
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