Ok, ok. I have a few suggestions.
You can take them or leave them, but over my dead and buried body would I pay my lazy pot smoking 17 year old son to do chores about the house. I did that to my kids when they were eight and by 12, all of them did their own laundry for free and other things and one has autism. I also made all my kids except autistic son get a part-time job by 16. I was not rich enough to fund everything and it made them all have good work ethics.
If your son is smoking pot in your house, is that ok with you? Nobody smokes in our house. I don't care what it is. Or in my vehicle. I don't allow smoking in my territory.
Sleeping a lot could be more than pot. Downers do that too. My daughter used them as well as speed and meth and we thought she was only smoking pot too. The truth is, you don't know what your son is doing other than being irresponsible. He should have no power to control you in your own home. That is NOT his house unless he is paying the mortgage. You are the parents; he should not be able to get you to do what he wants you to do just because he may throw a mild, babyish tantrum. You need to take over, in my opinion.
If this were me, and I realize it's not, he would have a contract in which he has until graduation to cut way down on the pot and never have it in your house, listen to all of your rules, clean along with everyone else, be kind to everyone or find a new place to live because it doesn't sound like he is college bound and he is able bodied and can work. At eighteen some boys and girls are in our military. Many are at college. The rest are mostly working full time and anxious to grow up. If he won't grow up, you may have to give him an involuntary shove or he won't do it. Many here will testify that their failure to launch and drug using adult kids need to suddenly find that the money tree from Mom and Dad is done and that they have to grow up themselves if they don't like our rules.
If you let him drive your car, he is awfully irresponsible in it. I wouldn't allow it. When my daughter was using drugs, and remember at first we thought it was just pot, she was not allowed to use our vehicle at all after an accident, which made us wonder why we waited that long to take away our car priveledges from her.But she had said she quit and we wanted to believe it.
My daughter did quit...even cigarettes...and has turned into a very nice young lady with her own house, a SO and a beautiful one year old daughter, my grandchild. But we did Tough Love with her and she used from age 12 to 19. Yes, she started at 12. When she told me, I as speechless. But at least she also quit young and went to college twice and has two certificates that are good for jobs.
in my opinion you gain nothing by enabling disrerspectful and drug using young adults. It's in my opinion not good for them and it certainly is not good for us or our children still at home. You can only control one person in the world and that is YOU. You can't stop your son from doing anything, but you can present him with options. "If you live in MY house, you follow these rules, or you'll have to find a place other than here to live." That's about all you can do or you can live with it, if it doesn't bother you enough.
I'm glad we went into the Tough Love camp as we suffered a lot less and not as long as some people. Not,it doesn't always work, but it sure worked for our daughter. And enabling NEVER works.
Welcome to our board. Many, many parents with more experience than me will drop in to give you their .02. Basically, you read it and decide if it's for you and take what you like and leave the rest.
Have a peaceful, serene day in spite of your Difficult Child. YOU matter as much as he does.
