Need Advice

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by house of cards, May 7, 2008.

  1. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    My 3 yo M began preschool last week. He is doing well according to the teacher. I have a very deep bond with this child and I am worried that the program (8:30-1:20) every day is too much for him. My little girl C started at the same time in an afternoon program for 2 hours three days a week and I feel she is doing great, she could even use more, but she is a very outgoing active little girl that is on target developmentally. M shows about a year delay in many areas. The school has him receiving speech 3 x’s a week and Occupational Therapist (OT) 1 x, they want him there this long in part so they can schedule his therapies.
    M is screaming that he doesn’t want to go to school, he is then begging to have me or his sister go with him. With a neuro typical child I know I would just have to grit my teeth and stay strong and let him go, but he isn’t typical. The school doesn’t seem very receptive to his needs such as I still give a pacifier when stressed, they discourage it. They put it away and don’t let him have it. The first day they had him on a bus to come home for 50 minutes, this was acceptable to them. M is at high risk for mental illness, I believe he will probably be diagnosed with bipolar at some point and I am very worried that too much stress will make that point earlier then it needs to be. I already know the he** that BiPolar (BP) is and I don’t want to deal with it a day earlier then I need to. M shows signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) now, yesterday he was strapped into the car seat on the bus ride home(now a reasonable 20 minutes) and a fly was on the window right next to him. M was all tensed up and trying to shut down and told me about the bug as soon as he saw me, the bus driver didn’t understand any of this, she said to me that he looked like he was ready to go to sleep. Maybe he was earlier and the bug thing just happened but what if it was bothering him all the way home and the driver doesn’t get it?
    I know this sounds over protective but later that night he complains to us about a bug while he is trying to play the Wii, we look and can’t see any bug. Four times he complains and finally he just stops playing the Wii and leaves that room. Any I being overly protective? I would feel differently if I felt that the school really understood. Any advice?
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Is this a special needs class or a regular class where he gets speech and Occupational Therapist (OT) support?
  3. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    It is a self contained special needs class that goes into the inclusive class for a part of the day, there are only 4 kids in it.
  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I might give it a little more time to see if he makes the adjustment, Parents with little ones usually say it takes several weeks for their kids to adjust to preschool.

    HOWEVER, no matter what I would follow my heart in this. My difficult child needed a lot of downtime at home in order to be maintain when he was little. If he's only 3, delayed by a year, I wouldn't hesitate to pull him home for a year and do private or in home therapy.

    This may just be me, but while I'm very proactive about getting needed therapies, I'm not in any rush to send kids off to preschool and it sounds like your little guy is still a baby in many ways.

    I'd take a guess the bug is probably anxiety related--it's really common in kids this age to "see" things that scare them at bedtime.

    Could you pick him up and drive him so he could avoid the bus? Do they have an aide on the bus?

    Is he a bio-sib to your 8 year old with NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD)?
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    3 might be too young for the pre-school experience, and bus ride on top of that, especially if he's delayed by about a year. Is there a shorter program he can attend? Either shorter time-wise or only one or two days a week? It sounds to me like he's just not quite ready to be there. Is he almost 4, or does he still have a ways to go?
  6. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    He just turned 3 in April. I was pushing for a shorter program that would also have his sister in it for added comfort, I was over ruled at the IEP. I think I will give it another week and if I still see things going in the wrong direction I will take him out unless they would agree to the shorter program. Thanks, I feel comfortable with this plan.
  7. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Forgot to answer you SLR, no he isn't related to S. I can see some Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) signs but he is very happy to show you his accomplishments, is social and empathic with fair eye contact. He also has strong feelings, speech delays, sensory issues, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) stuff, overly attatched, coordination/balance or body awareness problems, and likes to spin. I have driven him to school and did pick up, I felt he was dealing with enough at one time but they push the bus, also I need to pick up and drop off my other little one C so I felt like my whole day was spent running back and forth to the school. He was given a short day for the first week 8:30 til 11, he was doing better with that. At school they feel he is doing fine but he just doesn't feel safe to let them know what he is feeling, at home he pleads "no school".
  8. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    If he needs more than one week on shortened school days or would benefit from having no bus, then go for it if you can. This is supposed to be individualized instruction--not one size fits all.

    You have options here--exercize them if you're not comfortable with the plan the teachers are pushing. Chances are it's partly for their convenience and not just his well being.
  9. Jere

    Jere New Member

    My younger son started pre-school in Sept 07, first year. He was 3, turns 4 at the end of May. He too is about a year behind in speech and receives speech therapy 4 times a week. He was doing speech 2 times a week from the time he was 1.5 years old but once he turned 3 I was told that he had to be handed over to the school. He was under infant learning here in Alaska. I am not sure what your state policy is. I was glad that he started pre-school (this class is for children who are delayed in one year more than 25%) There are 6 kids in his class. I think he is used to it now but he still has rough days where he hits or throws a fit for some reason. I don't think he will have what difficult child 1 has (adhd) but I am worried that his speech problems will cause behaivor problems. If you can cont with the pre-school. My son will be in this class for 2 years before he enters kindergarden. Plus we have the option of letting him go to summer school for speech therapy. see if that is also an option for you. I hate having 3 months of a break for him in the summer, especially when he is so behind on his speech. Good luck! i am sure your will be okay.
  10. libranaster

    libranaster New Member

    :pouting: That is so sad and the fact they wont give the poor little thing his dummy. What a freakazoid teacher he has where is he going The academy of mistress of pain :laugh:.

    Seriously though what a horrible school and making his experience so terrible. I would pull him out and find somewhere better for him to go where they actually get off their fat tooshes and do their job :angry-very:. I can't imagine a child that has just turned 3 being treated that way and no you are not being over protective your child is barely 3 and if a dummy calms him then he should have his dummy. As far as being pressured into putting him on the bus goes well tell them where to shove it. Infact shove it there for them. Honestly find another pre school and if you can. How awful are they even a preschool for a normal child that age I would expect more of. You can not begrudge a little man his comfort item when mummy isn't there. Some kids are more needy than others and there is nothing wrong with that. He needs to be where he is comfortable and he is obviously not comfortable there. I am lucky my daughter's school have been extreamly supportive with her speech difficulties and she loves the speech pathologist and wants to go to school every day. They have also been supportive about my son's much more severe problems and that has been nice. I wish you were having my experience as apposed to your horrible experience. Can I ask have you tried putting him into a normal pre school? Would it be possible? I would try it don't push him too hard all at once with all the added extras like speech pathologists and what ever else just ease him in with no expectations.
  11. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    My son starts a new program in his school today. It is 2 1/2 hours and I drive him to and from school. The teacher is warm and supportive and I feel so much better about it. I'm sure it will still be an adjustment but I think he will do fine. Thanks for giving me the reassurance I needed to be the warrior mom my son needed me to be.
  12. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Good for you. Good luck and keep us posted.
  13. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Just an update, M continues to attend the shorter 2 1/2 hour program. He now goes in the morning with his sister. It is an inclusive classroom with the same supportive teacher from last year and a very warm and nurturing aide. A sp ed teacher spends some time in the room but not the whole time. He gets speech 3 x's, Occupational Therapist (OT) and Pt 1 x a week. I also take him to outside speech 1 x for an hour and outside Occupational Therapist (OT) 1 x for an hour as well. He is happy to go to school...unless he sees the other teacher from last year, then he will act up. I've asked him about it and I guess there was a child in the other room that would yell and growl and that scared him along with the chairs with the trays.

    His speech is improving. He talks more at home, still hard to understand. He has alot of sensory trouble, tends to be a sensory seeker. His Occupational Therapist (OT) said he takes the hardest pressure that she has ever seen. His neurologist keeps telling me she just thinks it is the speech holding him back but I'm not sure. His Occupational Therapist (OT) says she thinks it is just the sensory stuff, that he "has it in there"

    He shows alot of signs for High-Functioning Autism (HFA) but he does have decent eye contact, he will clap and show you his accomplishments, has a great sense of humor and he interacts with the other kids. My concerns would be his difficulty with transitions, obsessions, temper tantrums, sensory stuff, language delays, he prefers to not talk, just this evening he comes up to me and touches me and points down so I can see that he has my shoes on (no words). He is constantly asking me if I am happy when he sees me smiling or if I am mad when I am scolding any of the kids, like he is trying to make it make sense to him. He likes to repeat things but not to a level that I would expect with autism but he is drawn to music and has a very good memory. He knows the words to quite a few songs. I am concerned that he has High-Functioning Autism (HFA) but so high that he will never get diagnosed. I am open for ideas.
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2008
  14. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Thanks for the update. It sounds like he's getting the right kinds of help, so that's a good start.

    Borderline Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or a situation where it's atypical is harder to nail down. You really need a diagnostician who is really in tune to Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).

    Contact your closest Autism Society chapter and find out who in the region is reputable in Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis. Sometimes it's the usual developmental pediatrician/pediatric neuropsychologist but sometimes you'll hear by word of mouth someone outside those fields that's really sharp in the area and that's what you want for a not-so-obvious-diagnosis.

    If you're not familiar with social stories, it might be good to google and learn about those as they can be very useful for the kinds of issues you're describing.
  15. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Thanks, I took the MAAM test and he scored a 7/12 which is the lowest score they have where they see a problem. Thanks for the info.
  16. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I think age 4 is the beginning age on that test so if you continue to have concerns you may want to keep it in mind to check again later. With borderline kids, some things like social skills deficits don't become apparent until they're into kindergarten or first grade, and things like eye contact and anxiety can worsen as less time is spent with family and more with peers.

    It's a good list of things to watch for in borderline or atypical kids.