Need advice

[wantpeace]

My difficult child came home from inpatient. Our two family days were outstanding and I left feeling quite positive. That lasted for about two minutes when he had a fit after I turned off the CD he was listening to in the car - disrespectful rap about using drugs... Other than that it's been a pretty quiet weekend. He hasn't left the house at all.

My concern now is about having him return to school tomorrow. Most of the kids at this alternative school are drug users and I know it's easy to get drugs there. difficult child's teacher knows about my concern and offered to let him work on packets from home for a couple weeks. She adores my difficult child and has been a positive influence on him. So, do I throw him back to the wolves or keep him isolated? He has IOP four days a week starting tomorrow and his next court date is in a couple weeks.

Thanks,
wantpeace

 

[Nancy]

I would keep him home for the time being, let him get reacclimated and settled in his IOP. The longer you can keep him out of that environment the better. We are nearing the last part of the year. What are his thoughts?

Nancy

 

[Kathy813]

I agree. If the school is okay with him working on schoolwork at home than I would try that up until he gets a few weeks of IOP under his belt.

My only concern is leaving him at home unsupervised. Also, will he be willing to complete the work?

~Kathy

 

[wantpeace]

Well, difficult child went to school today. His teacher texted me and said that he made a lot of negative comments about treatment. I picked him up at school to go to outpatient. I drive 75 miles round trip to get him there, need to leave work early, and find transportation and care for my other two kids. All he can do is complain about going to treatment. He started up about how he'll never change his mind that marijuana is not addictive and should be legal. He has no appreciation for how difficult this is on my other children and me. He's never worked a day in his life, but has the nerve to tell me that teaching is easy and not like having a real job! I try to keep communication lines open and to be positive, but I'm getting burned out! I wonder if it's even worth all the time and money I'm putting into treatment sometimes. I think treatment is a wonderful thing if the person wants to work on recovery. I don't see that with my difficult child. I think he needs tough love and a taste of reality. Can you tell I'm a "little" crabby tonight?? Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Nancy]

Peace, my easy child is a teacher and I KNOW it is a very difficult job so I appreciate you. He sounds just like my difficult child who says pot is legal in some countries so it's ok to smoke it. No amount of rehab or treatment is going to change her mind. She likes the way she feels on it and that is that. So I guess she will just have to live the life of an addict because she is now using spice and mushrooms and who knows what else. There is nothing I can do, she is bound and determined to live her life the ay she wants.

Sadly I don't think this IOP is going to change your difficult child. It's time you have some peace and he learns what it means to break the law.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

Oh I am sorry.....I wish I had words of wisdom for you. Gosh we all want some magic don't we? I agree with Nancy it may be time for him to find out what happens when he continues on this path... and I also agree treatment is great when someone wants it.... I don't know anymore about when someone doesn't.

TL

 

[wantpeace]

It's not fair that we are all going through this. Our difficult children have no idea how blessed they are to have parents who care. It's easy to feel like I have the strength to step back and let my difficult child learn the hard way when I'm angry, but we all know how this feeling can change in an instant. Time to say the Serenity Prayer - AGAIN and AGAIN!

Hugs,
wantpeace

 

[AmericanGirl]

I'm thankful you have a good relationship with his teacher. I guess it is often one step forward, two steps backwards at stages in recovery. Hoping for the best...

 

[pinevalley]

Want peace: I am so sorry that your difficult child is taking you for granted, especially after everything that you have done to help him get well. I know that you must be an incredibly strong mother to take care of three boys and teach at the same time. I only have one child, and I feel overwhelmed with all his problems at times. Does your difficult child know that he can be kicked out of his IOP program if he does not follow the rules of the program? My difficult child was in an IOP after his first rehab, but he was kicked out after only two weeks. He was not taking the IOP seriously, and he called several times to say that he could not come, making up excuses each time. When he was kicked out of IOP this was the beginning of his downward spiral into more drugs, and then his arrest and jail.
I will say the Serenity prayer for you also tonight. Good luck, and please keep posting. We are here for you.

 

[wantpeace]

Pinevalley - He does know he can get kicked out and doesn't care because it's my stupid idea that he goes there. Since it's not court-ordered yet he thinks it's stupid. Last night he swore at me in front of my young son, which we just agreed during family therapy would not be tolerated.

So, do I continue to make him go to IOP and keep taking time away from my other two sons? At this point I'm tempted to revoke my bond and send him back to jail!

 

[exhausted]

WP, We have the same thing going on here. It's not fair. I wish I had solutions but until he wants to get better there is nothing! I'm a teacher too and I worked at all kind of physical jobs to get my degrees. This is the toughest job ever. My family knows it, your boy does too. He is justifying his behavior by running you down. They have no empathy. Hang in there.