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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 689197" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Momma.</p><p></p><p>Welcome. I will tell you what I think. You (with her father) are the parent and you get to decide what is right for your daughter, at least for now until she rebels, which I hate to tell you, may be soon to come.</p><p></p><p>If it were me I would want that the adults around my child understood how to respond and treat her. That implies knowledge of her illness and what will best support her. </p><p></p><p>If your daughter is choosing to be with her grandmother, it is she (your daughter) that needs to understand that her grandmother must accept her needs, and be willing to see them as important. She cannot have it both ways. She cannot exclude her grandmother from the family therapy because grandmother is controlling--and at the same time seek her out.</p><p></p><p>Now if there is another reason your daughter is so much with mother in law, for example, because mother in law demands it, or you as her parents depend upon grandmother to watch the kids, etc., and it is not the choice of daughter to so much be with her grandmother--it is another thing altogether. She should have the right both to exclude the lady as well as to express her wishes, to the extent possible, to limit contact.</p><p></p><p>It is either the one or the other. </p><p></p><p>Now. You should not have to run around behind everybody to clean this up. How exhausting. You should not be their method of communicating with each other. That is surely not good for you--or for your daughter--especially your daughter. </p><p></p><p>If the grandmother and granddaughter cannot express themselves directly, I would question the benefit of so much time spent in each other's company. Also, if grandmother, cannot or will not accept, or try to understand daughter's needs, and indeed may want to deny them, or conceal from others the reality of things--I would worry.</p><p></p><p>In any event, you are the one who will decide this. Not grandmother or daughter. And you must.</p><p></p><p>That is what I think. </p><p></p><p>Keep posting. Glad you found us. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 689197, member: 18958"] Hi Momma. Welcome. I will tell you what I think. You (with her father) are the parent and you get to decide what is right for your daughter, at least for now until she rebels, which I hate to tell you, may be soon to come. If it were me I would want that the adults around my child understood how to respond and treat her. That implies knowledge of her illness and what will best support her. If your daughter is choosing to be with her grandmother, it is she (your daughter) that needs to understand that her grandmother must accept her needs, and be willing to see them as important. She cannot have it both ways. She cannot exclude her grandmother from the family therapy because grandmother is controlling--and at the same time seek her out. Now if there is another reason your daughter is so much with mother in law, for example, because mother in law demands it, or you as her parents depend upon grandmother to watch the kids, etc., and it is not the choice of daughter to so much be with her grandmother--it is another thing altogether. She should have the right both to exclude the lady as well as to express her wishes, to the extent possible, to limit contact. It is either the one or the other. Now. You should not have to run around behind everybody to clean this up. How exhausting. You should not be their method of communicating with each other. That is surely not good for you--or for your daughter--especially your daughter. If the grandmother and granddaughter cannot express themselves directly, I would question the benefit of so much time spent in each other's company. Also, if grandmother, cannot or will not accept, or try to understand daughter's needs, and indeed may want to deny them, or conceal from others the reality of things--I would worry. In any event, you are the one who will decide this. Not grandmother or daughter. And you must. That is what I think. Keep posting. Glad you found us. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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