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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 689216" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I agree with Insane, although in our case one of my boys and one girl were equally difficult and also one of my boys and one girl presented no drama at all. I think it depends on the kiddo.</p><p></p><p>I think that daughter is getting something out of seeking out Grandma and would not try to interfere because, unless she is very compliant, she won't listen or she will ramp up drama and blame you. You also can't force Grandma to do research and "get it" if she doesn't feel like it. Everyone your daughter seeks out will not necessarily understand her and her issues and she needs to learn to understand this. </p><p></p><p>I have mental illness and had to learn that not everyone I loved would understand me. Daughter will back off from Grandma herself if she is no longer being fulfilled by the relationship. She is old enough to decide, unless, of course, she is being abused. Then she is young enough that you can still step in. She's at an iffy age. She is growing up with disabilities (and needs to slowly learn to deal with both) and is also not yet grown up. But you will never be able to control her choices like when she was eight. Never again. Not without a fight.</p><p></p><p>I would not force her to include Grandma in family therapy. I agree with Insane on this.</p><p></p><p>There is a new term called helicopter parents. Apparently, they try to micro manage their kids even at college, if there is college, and beyond...and then sometimes they try this even after marriage. I do not think you are such a parent. I simply brought it up because I think it is a terrible, losing parenting method...kids have parents managing their lives so they either allow it and don't grow up ever or they rebel viciously to the point of deep resentment, even estrangement.</p><p></p><p>By 14, I started letting my kids help me decide their life choices. I stopped them the best I could if they hooked up with bad people but, to be honest, that was not successful. By sixteen, two years from now, kids do basically force you to accept their choices. They are not prone to obeying our wishes for them, especially if they are differently wired. Respect her insight into Granma. She obviously loves her a lot, but knows what her downfalls are knows she will not play nice at therapy.</p><p></p><p>Teens are letting go times...they need to start to learn to live without us telling them what to do. I had bad mental illness in my teens. That made it even more mandatory that I learn to navigate a hostile world. Typical teens usually can transition to after high school and adulthood easily. They don't need our hovering. Disabled teens need our guidance, sometimes into adult hoodb(if they ask for it) but they still need to learn to make their own decisions. Baby steps, like deciding to leave Grandma out of therapy, in my opinion is a good start.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what caused that rant...lol.</p><p></p><p>The short of it is, trust daughter in this. That is my opinion. Take what you like, if anything, and leave the rest <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />. You should do this with every post. Keep what is right for you and let the rest go. We all have opinions but are all different as well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 689216, member: 1550"] I agree with Insane, although in our case one of my boys and one girl were equally difficult and also one of my boys and one girl presented no drama at all. I think it depends on the kiddo. I think that daughter is getting something out of seeking out Grandma and would not try to interfere because, unless she is very compliant, she won't listen or she will ramp up drama and blame you. You also can't force Grandma to do research and "get it" if she doesn't feel like it. Everyone your daughter seeks out will not necessarily understand her and her issues and she needs to learn to understand this. I have mental illness and had to learn that not everyone I loved would understand me. Daughter will back off from Grandma herself if she is no longer being fulfilled by the relationship. She is old enough to decide, unless, of course, she is being abused. Then she is young enough that you can still step in. She's at an iffy age. She is growing up with disabilities (and needs to slowly learn to deal with both) and is also not yet grown up. But you will never be able to control her choices like when she was eight. Never again. Not without a fight. I would not force her to include Grandma in family therapy. I agree with Insane on this. There is a new term called helicopter parents. Apparently, they try to micro manage their kids even at college, if there is college, and beyond...and then sometimes they try this even after marriage. I do not think you are such a parent. I simply brought it up because I think it is a terrible, losing parenting method...kids have parents managing their lives so they either allow it and don't grow up ever or they rebel viciously to the point of deep resentment, even estrangement. By 14, I started letting my kids help me decide their life choices. I stopped them the best I could if they hooked up with bad people but, to be honest, that was not successful. By sixteen, two years from now, kids do basically force you to accept their choices. They are not prone to obeying our wishes for them, especially if they are differently wired. Respect her insight into Granma. She obviously loves her a lot, but knows what her downfalls are knows she will not play nice at therapy. Teens are letting go times...they need to start to learn to live without us telling them what to do. I had bad mental illness in my teens. That made it even more mandatory that I learn to navigate a hostile world. Typical teens usually can transition to after high school and adulthood easily. They don't need our hovering. Disabled teens need our guidance, sometimes into adult hoodb(if they ask for it) but they still need to learn to make their own decisions. Baby steps, like deciding to leave Grandma out of therapy, in my opinion is a good start. I don't know what caused that rant...lol. The short of it is, trust daughter in this. That is my opinion. Take what you like, if anything, and leave the rest :). You should do this with every post. Keep what is right for you and let the rest go. We all have opinions but are all different as well. [/QUOTE]
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